Snap. Patti Wood
said, “I love America” and shook his head “No” again.
(For more examples, go to www.snapfirstimpressions.com and view the videos Ways You Can Lose Credibility in a SNAP and Are They Lying? You’ll see in a snap how people display nonverbal behaviors that affect their credibility in negative ways. And you’ll see how even seemingly small behaviors can affect a person’s credibility.)
EXERCISE
True North: Recognizing Credibility
1. Think about someone you trusted straight off the bat, or after interacting for only a short time. If no one springs to mind, consider a person you have known for a long time whom you trust, or even a public figure you consider trustworthy. This is your “True-North person.” What is it about this person that makes you feel this way? How does this person behave? What does he or she say that makes you trust him or her? How do this person’s facial expressions, posture, or hands, or the rest of his or her body, transmit integrity?
2. Imagine your True-North person in your mind’s eye. Write down details about his or her demeanor and nonverbal behavior. If you recall your first meeting with this person, describe it in as much detail as you can.
3. Imagine yourself in the presence of your True-North person. Reach back and remember how he or she made you feel. How did you feel physically? Did this person make you feel heard, seen, and understood? How did this person initiate a conversation? How did he or she stand or sit? How could you tell that this person listened to, focused on, or was generally interested in you? Is there something about this person that you want to model? Is there something in his or her behavior that reminds you of yourself?
Understanding why this person is your True North increases your ability to recognize this kind of person elsewhere — and to be this kind of person to others. Once you’re able to recognize a True-North person, you can calibrate within seconds whether someone or some situation “feels good” or “is not right.”
Seek Models of True North
Vistage International is an organization that helps leaders within companies, and owners of companies, become more successful. Once a month, small-business owners and high-level executives meet in groups with one another and with an adviser from Vistage, who chairs the meetings. Each chair interviews and selects his or her group members, facilitates the meetings, and coaches each member one-on-one. For many years, I’ve given talks to Vistage groups on credibility and deception detection, and I am fascinated by the credibility shown by Vistage chairs. They possess many behaviors that I admire and seek to emulate.
For example, when Ben, one these chairs, called to prep me for my meeting with his group, I felt he really wanted to talk to me and wasn’t simply rushing through a to-do on his list. The use of time as part of communication, called “chronemics,” can create a powerful snap. Ben was happy to spend time talking to me, and this increased his likability. As he talked about each member of his group, the tone of his voice and his speaking rate matched what he was saying. As I discussed earlier, a match between a person’s nonverbal behavior and the words being said creates credibility and makes us feel safe and comfortable as listeners. Ben sounded sincere when he mentioned that he liked something about a member of the group; when he shared something a member could improve on, he sounded caring.
At the meeting, I noticed that Ben spoke to everyone the same way. Each member of the group relaxed and opened up as Ben talked. With all the high-status people in the room, there could have been tension and competition, but Ben’s authentic presence put everyone at ease. After the meeting, he took the time to pull two seats over to a corner of the room and sit down with members individually. I talked to a member later who said, “This group is full of people who own companies and have to appear perfect to the world, but here we trust Ben so much. We know he sees us as strong people, and yet we feel safe enough to tell him anything — and cry like babies if we need to.”
Credibility and Synchronicity
When an honest and credible person speaks, her body language, facial expressions, and paralanguage are all synchronous with the words being spoken. (Paralanguage refers to vocal features that are nonverbal yet still contribute to communication, such as pitch, volume, intonation, and tempo. All these can be used to subtly modify meaning or convey emotion.) You can detect deception by watching for a lack of synchronicity between any of these elements. When a person’s spoken words don’t agree with her accompanying nonverbal communications, we should give the nonverbals more weight.
What Credibility Sounds Like
Paralanguage, or vocalics, refers to all the nuances of the voice except for speech. Just as paranormal defines behavior that is outside the normal, paralanguage defines meaning given outside of words — the volume, pitch (high or low), rate of speech, and its quality. Prosodics, a subgenus of paralanguage, includes intonation, stress, vocal emphasis, and rhythm.
Paralanguage is how words are uttered. This can include whether they are spoken unusually fast and loud, as well as unusual “um” and “ah” pauses; coughing and throat clearing; and a tense, higher-than-normal voice. Notice the vocal utterances that occur in the first moments of an interaction. You will be surprised to find that they are windows to the person, that they reveal how honest and open that person is going to be with you.3
As in the examples of Sheen, Clinton, and Leno mentioned earlier, words (which are conscious) can be used to deceive, whereas body language (which is subconscious) is much harder to control and use in this way. For example, when interviewed, people who answer either negatively or affirmatively should have congruent head movement. It’s common for those who are lying when they say, “I did not do it!” to nod their heads up and down in a contradictory nonverbal yes as they speak. People may also shake their heads no while saying yes. For example, the wife of presidential candidate Herman Cain shook her head almost violently no while saying, “He respects women.”
What’s Wrong with This Picture?
In one of his first interviews after the largest oil spill in history, Tony Hayward, British Petroleum’s CEO, wore neat, pressed vacation attire. He spoke about the spill in a relaxed manner and smiled as he did. He brushed off any talk of friction between BP and the Obama administration: “The extent of the cooperation that is taking place, I think, will be seen as a textbook example of how to do an emergency response.”
Many viewers were struck by a disconnect between the circumstances and Hayward’s words and demeanor. Stock phrases like textbook example downplay the seriousness of a situation and connote insincerity. A credible person shows nonverbal behavior that matches the circumstances. Hayward could have demonstrated credible care, concern, and understanding had he worn work clothes and work boots, allowed emotion to animate his voice, and used words emphasizing that there was nothing routine or textbook about the spill’s impact on the human and wildlife populations affected. Hayward was soon forced to resign his position, at least in part because of the snap impressions he gave viewers in his communications.
To form our impression of a person, we compare what we think would be normal or appropriate words and nonverbals with the words and nonverbals we hear and see. Hayward’s words and nonverbals did not match what many felt should be expressed by a person leading a company responsible for a horrible crisis.
Credibility Cues
Nonverbal communication is the way the subconscious mind speaks. No matter how much you want to control it, your nonverbal behavior gives clues about how you are truly feeling. We can base our interpretation of these clues on a number of factors called deception cues. They help us spot liars and recognize what in our own nonverbal communication establishes credibility.
When someone is telling the truth, she feels the truth in her emotional brain (limbic system). She responds to this feeling with nonverbal behaviors. Then the neocortex, which is responsible for words, is activated. An honest and credible person feels, shows, and then speaks in ways that match; the brain moves from feeling, to showing, to speaking. What you want “leaks out.” If you want to ensure that you give an impression