The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf. Martin Millar
“I suppose it’s nice of them to want to do something for me,” she muttered.
Vex was bursting with excitement about their joint birthday. The young Fire Elemental had used her highlighting pens to mark off all the days on the calendar in the kitchen, putting huge crosses over every day that passed, and smiley faces on the days still to come, despite Moonglow’s protests that Vex’s marks covered up everything else on the calendar. Moonglow didn’t want Vex’s enthusiasm to overshadow Kalix’s part in the proceedings, but Kalix was grateful for it. It took the pressure off her. If Vex wanted to make a lot of noise and be the center of attention, Kalix didn’t mind.
She took her journal from the locked box in her bedside cabinet. She’d bought the small container for her journal after realizing that nothing was safe from the prying eyes of Vex, who seemed not to understand the concept of privacy. All of Kalix’s deepest thoughts were contained in her journal and she refused to let anyone else read them. She carefully locked her bedroom door before opening the book and looking at her most recent entries. After a year at remedial college, her writing was still poor, but a little more legible.
Werewolf Improvement Plan. She frowned and wondered if that was a stupid title. The young werewolf glanced at the door, as if fearing that someone might be spying on her.
It had occurred to Kalix quite recently that perhaps, as she was often unhappy, she could do something to make her life better. The idea had come to her after she’d decided not to accept money from Dominil. Dominil had made an agreement with Thane Markus whereby he secretly paid her for any werewolf hunters she killed. She’d offered part of that money to Kalix. Kalix decided she didn’t want to accept it. She felt no guilt over killing werewolf hunters, but she didn’t feel comfortable being paid for it. This decision led Kalix on to a lot of unexpected thinking. If she’d made an important decision about something like that, perhaps she could make other difficult decisions too. Perhaps she could change other things in her life that bothered her. She was familiar with the notion of deliberately modifying her behavior, thanks to her time in therapy. She’d never felt that her therapist had helped her in the past, but she was stronger now. She might be able to help herself.
Kalix looked at the list she’d made under the heading of Werewolf Improvement Plan.
– be less violent
– be independent
– stop taking laudanum
– get on better with people
– stop being anxious
– stop being depressed
– stop cutting myself
– eat better
– don’t throw up
– improve reading and writing and math
“I could make these things better. Some of them anyway.”
Kalix wondered if she should include something about relationships. She’d been seeing Decembrius but it wasn’t going well. Decembrius had strong feelings for Kalix, and she liked him in a way, but they never quite seemed to gel. Their encounters always ended in arguments, and sometimes in fights.
I’ll leave that off the list for now, thought Kalix. After all, everyone has problems with relationships. Look at Daniel and Moonglow.
Kalix focused on the first entry on her list. Be less violent. Her short life had been full of violence. She’d killed werewolf hunters, many of them. She’d killed werewolves too, members of her clan who’d pursued her. Moonglow and Daniel knew some of her history, but Kalix wondered how they’d react if they really knew the levels of violence she’d been involved in. Would Moonglow be quite so keen to give her an eighteenth birthday party if she’d ever witnessed her ripping a fellow werewolf to pieces? Or killing three hunters in the space of a few seconds? Kalix’s ferocity in battle was legendary in the MacRinnalch Clan. Once attacked, she lost control of herself. Her battle madness descended on her and nothing could stop her. She’d torn apart werewolves much larger and stronger than herself. Her speed and power were abnormal, even by the standards of her fellow werewolves. The madness in battle was just part of her general insanity, according to her detractors. Dominil thought it was more to do with her unusual birth at the full moon, and Dominil was a very clever werewolf.
Kalix wondered if she might be able to avoid violence for a while. Dominil didn’t think that Kalix would suffer any more pursuit from the MacRinnalchs. Those members of the clan who still hated her had finally been brought into line by Markus and the Mistress of the Werewolves. While there were still many werewolves who still believed she should be brought to justice for her part in the death of the old Thane, the past was to lie quietly for a while.
That left the werewolf hunters. Here too, Kalix had some reason for optimism. Some months ago, the Avenaris Guild had sent hunters all the way up to Scotland. Kalix had defeated them. Others in the clan fell victim to the sorcery of their enemies, but Kalix had resisted it and killed the attackers. It had been a severe blow to the Guild. Dominil, who apparently was able to spy on them, had reported that they were quiet these days.
So maybe I can stay out of fights for a while, thought Kalix.
There was a violent crash as Vex attempted to burst into the room without considering that the door might be locked. Kalix hurriedly hid her journal.
“Hey, Kalix, let me in!” shouted Vex.
“Go away,” shouted Kalix.
“Did you know your door’s locked?”
“Yes. And don’t you dare teleport in here!” yelled Kalix.
“OK, I’ll just teleport in,” shouted Vex.
Seconds later, Vex materialized in Kalix’s room, looking pleased with herself.
“I am getting so good at this traveling through space stuff,” she said. “Did you know your door was locked?”
“Of course I knew my door was locked! I was trying to keep people out.”
“Really? Can I help?”
Kalix sighed.
“Our party is going to be the best thing ever,” cried the young Fire Elemental. “I’m so excited! Do you think Yum Yum Sugary Snacks could play in the living room?”
Yum Yum Sugary Snacks, fronted by Kalix’s werewolf cousins Beauty and Delicious, were Vex’s favorite band.
“It would be great! We could get up onstage and dance with them!”
“I’d hate that!” said Kalix. “And where would the stage be anyway—in the living room?”
Vex looked puzzled. “I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe we could dance on the couch?”
She grinned eagerly. Kalix found herself smiling, though she hadn’t meant to. Vex’s enthusiasm tended to be infectious. It was hard to remain completely uninvolved once Vex developed a passion for anything.
“It’s going to be the full moon. Beauty and Delicious will be werewolves too. I don’t think they can play guitar when they’re werewolves.”
The MacRinnalch werewolves were able to change into their wolf form any night if they chose, but on the three nights around the full moon, they all transformed automatically.
“Oh.” Vex looked disappointed. “That might be a problem. These big werewolf claws are a bit clumsy. No offense, you can’t help having big clumsy claws. We’ll just have to make do with CDs. Daniel is showing me how to make a playlist!”
Vex shook her head, dancing to an imaginary playlist. Recently she’d been letting her hair grow, and the bleached spikes that once stood vertically in the air now enveloped her head in a jagged sphere. She wore one of her many Hello Kitty T-shirts and a small red kilt. Unusually, she was barefooted, having been discouraged by Moonglow from jumping around the house in her large boots.
“And