The Complete Works of Saki (Illustrated). Saki
he asked, with more than a trace of uneasiness in his voice.
“Won’t rhyme with Florrie,” explained Clovis briefly.
Septimus sat upright in his chair, with unmistakable alarm on his face.
“How did you find out? I mean how did you know I was trying to get a rhyme to Florrie?” he asked sharply.
“I didn’t know,” said Clovis, “I only guessed. When you wanted to turn the prosaic lorry of commerce into a feathered poem flitting through the verdure of a tropical forest, I knew you must be working up a sonnet, and Florrie was the only female name that suggested itself as rhyming with lorry.”
Septimus still looked uneasy.
“I believe you know more,” he said.
Clovis laughed quietly, but said nothing.
“How much do you know?” Septimus asked desperately.
“The yew tree in the garden,” said Clovis.
“There! I felt certain I’d dropped it somewhere. But you must have guessed something before. Look here, you have surprised my secret. You won’t give me away, will you? It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it wouldn’t do for the editor of the CATHEDRAL MONTHLY to go in openly for that sort of thing, would it?”
“Well, I suppose not,” admitted Clovis.
“You see,” continued Septimus, “I get quite a decent lot of money out of it. I could never live in the style I do on what I get as editor of the CATHEDRAL MONTHLY.”
Clovis was even more startled than Septimus had been earlier in the conversation, but he was better skilled in repressing surprise.
“Do you mean to say you get money out of — Florrie?” he asked.
“Not out of Florrie, as yet,” said Septimus; “in fact, I don’t mind saying that I’m having a good deal of trouble over Florrie. But there are a lot of others.”
Clovis’s cigarette went out.
“This is VERY interesting,” he said slowly. And then, with Septimus Brope’s next words, illumination dawned on him.
“There are heaps of others; for instance:
‘Cora with the lips of coral,
You and I will never quarrel.’
That was one of my earliest successes, and it still brings me in royalties. And then there is —‘Esmeralda, when I first beheld her,’ and ‘Fair Teresa, how I love to please her,’ both of those have been fairly popular. And there is one rather dreadful one,” continued Septimus, flushing deep carmine, “which has brought me in more money than any of the others:
‘Lively little Lucie
With her naughty nez retroussé.’
Of course, I loathe the whole lot of them; in fact, I’m rapidly becoming something of a woman-hater under their influence, but I can’t afford to disregard the financial aspect of the matter. And at the same time you can understand that my position as an authority on ecclesiastical architecture and liturgical subjects would be weakened, if not altogether ruined, if it once got about that I was the author of ‘Cora with the lips of coral’ and all the rest of them.”
Clovis had recovered sufficiently to ask in a sympathetic, if rather unsteady, voice what was the special trouble with “Florrie.”
“I can’t get her into lyric shape, try as I will,” said Septimus mournfully. “You see, one has to work in a lot of sentimental, sugary compliment with a catchy rhyme, and a certain amount of personal biography or prophecy. They’ve all of them got to have a long string of past successes recorded about them, or else you’ve got to foretell blissful things about them and yourself in the future. For instance, there is:
‘Dainty little girlie Mavis,
She is such a rara avis,
All the money I can save is
All to be for Mavis mine.’
It goes to a sickening namby-pamby waltz tune, and for months nothing else was sung and hummed in Blackpool and other popular centres.”
This time Clovis’s self-control broke down badly.
“Please excuse me,” he gurgled, “but I can’t help it when I remember the awful solemnity of that article of yours that you so kindly read us last night, on the Coptic Church in its relation to early Christian worship.”
Septimus groaned.
“You see how it would be,” he said; “as soon as people knew me to be the author of that miserable sentimental twaddle, all respect for the serious labours of my life would be gone. I dare say I know more about memorial brasses than anyone living, in fact I hope one day to publish a monograph on the subject, but I should be pointed out everywhere as the man whose ditties were in the mouths of nigger minstrels along the entire coast-line of our Island home. Can you wonder that I positively hate Florrie all the time that I’m trying to grind out sugar-coated rhapsodies about her.”
“Why not give free play to your emotions, and be brutally abusive? An uncomplimentary refrain would have an instant success as a novelty if you were sufficiently outspoken.”
“I’ve never thought of that,” said Septimus, “and I’m afraid I couldn’t break away from the habit of fulsome adulation and suddenly change my style.”
“You needn’t change your style in the least,” said Clovis; “merely reverse the sentiment and keep to the inane phraseology of the thing. If you’ll do the body of the song I’ll knock off the refrain, which is the thing that principally matters, I believe. I shall charge half-shares in the royalties, and throw in my silence as to your guilty secret. In the eyes of the world you shall still be the man who has devoted his life to the study of transepts and Byzantine ritual; only sometimes, in the long winter evenings, when the wind howls drearily down the chimney and the rain beats against the windows, I shall think of you as the author of ‘Cora with the lips of coral.’ Of course, if in sheer gratitude at my silence you like to take me for a much-needed holiday to the Adriatic or somewhere equally interesting, paying all expenses, I shouldn’t dream of refusing.”
Later in the afternoon Clovis found his aunt and Mrs. Riversedge indulging in gentle exercise in the Jacobean garden.
“I’ve spoken to Mr. Brope about F.,” he announced.
“How splendid of you! What did he say?” came in a quick chorus from the two ladies.
“He was quite frank and straightforward with me when he saw that I knew his secret,” said Clovis, “and it seems that his intentions were quite serious, if slightly unsuitable. I tried to show him the impracticability of the course that he was following. He said he wanted to be understood, and he seemed to think that Florinda would excel in that requirement, but I pointed out that there were probably dozens of delicately nurtured, pure-hearted young English girls who would be capable of understanding him, while Florinda was the only person in the world who understood my aunt’s hair. That rather weighed with him, for he’s not really a selfish animal, if you take him in the right way, and when I appealed to the memory of his happy childish days, spent amid the daisied fields of Leighton Buzzard (I suppose daisies do grow there), he was obviously affected. Anyhow, he gave me his word that he would put Florinda absolutely out of his mind, and he has agreed to go for a short trip abroad as the best distraction for his thoughts. I am going with him as far as Ragusa. If my aunt should wish to give me a really nice scarf-pin (to be chosen by myself), as a small recognition of the very considerable service I have done her, I shouldn’t dream of refusing. I’m not one of those who think that because one is abroad one can go about dressed anyhow.”
A few weeks later in Blackpool and places where they sing, the following refrain held undisputed sway:
“How you bore me, Florrie,
With those eyes of vacant blue;