Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works. Knowledge house

Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works - Knowledge house


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come to talk to you about, sir. You have got to get married, and at ·129· once. Why, when I was your age, sir, I had been an inconsolable widower for three months, and was already paying my addresses to your admirable mother. Damme, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can’t be always living for pleasure. Every man of position is married nowadays. Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them. You must get a wife, sir. Look where your friend Robert Chiltern has got to by probity, hard work, and a sensible marriage with a good woman. Why don’t you imitate him, sir? Why don’t you take him for your model?

      lord goring

      I think I shall, father.

      lord caversham

      I wish you would, sir. Then I should be happy. At present I make your mother’s life miserable on your account. You are heartless, sir, quite heartless.

      lord goring

      I hope not, father.

      lord caversham

      And it is high time for you to get married. You are thirty-four years of age, sir.

      lord goring

      Yes, father, but I only admit to thirty-two—thirty-one and a half when I have a really good buttonhole. This ·130· buttonhole is not … trivial enough.

      lord caversham

      I tell you you are thirty-four, sir. And there is a draught in your room, besides, which makes your conduct worse. Why did you tell me there was no draught, sir? I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly.

      lord goring

      So do I, father. It is a dreadful draught. I will come and see you to-morrow, father. We can talk over anything you like. Let me help you on with your cloak, father.

      lord caversham

      No, sir; I have called this evening for a definite purpose, and I am going to see it through at all costs to my health or yours. Put down my cloak, sir.

      lord goring

      Certainly, father. But let us go into another room. [Rings bell.] There is a dreadful draught here. [Enter Phipps.] Phipps, is there a good fire in the smoking-room?

      phipps

      Yes, my lord.

      ·131· lord goring

      Come in there, father. Your sneezes are quite heart-rending.

      lord caversham

      Well, sir, I suppose I have a right to sneeze when I choose?

      lord goring

      [Apologetically.] Quite so, father. I was merely expressing sympathy.

      lord caversham

      Oh, damn sympathy. There is a great deal too much of that sort of thing going on nowadays.

      lord goring

      I quite agree with you, father. If there was less sympathy in the world there would be less trouble in the world.

      lord caversham

      [Going towards the smoking-room.] That is a paradox, sir. I hate paradoxes.

      lord goring

      So do I, father. Everybody one meets is a paradox nowadays. It is a great bore. It makes society so obvious.

      ·132· lord caversham

      [Turning round, and looking at his son beneath his bushy eyebrows.] Do you always really understand what you say, sir?

      lord goring

      [After some hesitation.] Yes, father, if I listen attentively.

      lord caversham

      [Indignantly.] If you listen attentively! … Conceited young puppy!

      [Goes off grumbling into the smoking-room. Phipps enters.]

      lord goring

      Phipps, there is a lady coming to see me this evening on particular business. Show her into the drawing-room when she arrives. You understand?

      phipps

      Yes, my lord.

      lord goring

      It is a matter of the gravest importance, Phipps.

      phipps

      I understand, my lord.

      ·133· lord goring

      No one else is to be admitted, under any circumstances.

      phipps

      I understand, my lord. [Bell rings.]

      lord goring

      Ah! that is probably the lady. I shall see her myself.

      [Just as he is going towards the door Lord Caversham enters from the smoking-room.]

      lord caversham

      Well, sir? am I to wait attendance on you?

      lord goring

      [Considerably perplexed.] In a moment, father. Do excuse me. [Lord Caversham goes back.] Well, remember my instructions, Phipps—into that room.

      phipps

      Yes, my lord.

      [Lord Goring goes into the smoking-room. Harold, the footman, shows Mrs. Cheveley in. Lamia-like, she is in green and silver. She has a cloak of black satin, lined with dead rose-leaf silk.]

      ·134· harold

      What name, madam?

      mrs. cheveley

      [To Phipps, who advances towards her.] Is Lord Goring not here? I was told he was at home?

      phipps

      His lordship is engaged at present with Lord Caversham, madam.

      [Turns a cold, glassy eye on Harold, who at once retires.]

      mrs. cheveley

      [To herself.] How very filial!

      phipps

      His lordship told me to ask you, madam, to be kind enough to wait in the drawing-room for him. His lordship will come to you there.

      mrs. cheveley

      [With a look of surprise.] Lord Goring expects me?

      phipps

      Yes, madam.

      ·135· mrs. cheveley

      Are you quite sure?

      phipps

      His lordship told me that if a lady called I was to ask her to wait in the drawing-room. [Goes to the door of the drawing-room and opens it.] His lordship’s directions on the subject were very precise.

      mrs. cheveley

      [To herself.] How thoughtful of him! To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect. [Goes towards the drawing-room and looks in.] Ugh! How dreary a bachelor’s drawing-room always looks. I shall have to alter all this. [Phipps brings the lamp from the writing-table.] No, I don’t care for that lamp. It is far too glaring. Light some candles.

      phipps

      [Replaces lamp.] Certainly, madam.

      mrs. cheveley

      I hope the candles have very becoming shades.

      phipps

      We have had no complaints about them, madam, as yet.

      [Passes into the drawing-room and begins to light the candles.]


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