Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works. Knowledge house
of those terribly weak natures that are not susceptible to influence.
lord caversham
He is very heartless, very heartless.
lord goring
It seems to me that I am a little in the way here.
mabel chiltern
It is very good for you to be in the way, and to know what people say of you behind your back.
lord goring
I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.
lord caversham
After that, my dear, I really must bid you good morning.
mabel chiltern
Oh! I hope you are not going to leave me all ·181· alone with Lord Goring? Especially at such an early hour in the day.
lord caversham
I am afraid I can’t take him with me to Downing Street. It is not the Prime Minister’s day for seeing the unemployed.
[Shakes hands with Mabel Chiltern, takes up his hat and stick, and goes out, with a parting glare of indignation at Lord Goring.]
mabel chiltern
[Takes up roses and begins to arrange them in a bowl on the table.] People who don’t keep their appointments in the Park are horrid.
lord goring
Detestable.
mabel chiltern
I am glad you admit it. But I wish you wouldn’t look so pleased about it.
lord goring
I can’t help it. I always look pleased when I am with you.
·182· mabel chiltern
[Sadly.] Then I suppose it is my duty to remain with you?
lord goring
Of course it is.
mabel chiltern
Well, my duty is a thing I never do, on principle. It always depresses me. So I am afraid I must leave you.
lord goring
Please don’t, Miss Mabel. I have something very particular to say to you.
mabel chiltern
[Rapturously.] Oh! is it a proposal?
lord goring
[Somewhat taken aback.] Well, yes, it is—I am bound to say it is.
mabel chiltern
[With a sigh of pleasure.] I am so glad. That makes the second to-day.
lord goring
[Indignantly.] The second to-day? What conceited ·183· ass has been impertinent enough to dare to propose to you before I had proposed to you?
mabel chiltern
Tommy Trafford, of course. It is one of Tommy’s days for proposing. He always proposes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the season.
lord goring
You didn’t accept him, I hope?
mabel chiltern
I make it a rule never to accept Tommy. That is why he goes on proposing. Of course, as you didn’t turn up this morning, I very nearly said yes. It would have been an excellent lesson both for him and for you if I had. It would have taught you both better manners.
lord goring
Oh! bother Tommy Trafford. Tommy is a silly little ass. I love you.
mabel chiltern
I know. And I think you might have mentioned it before. I am sure I have given you heaps of opportunities.
lord goring
Mabel, do be serious. Please be serious.
·184· mabel chiltern
Ah! that is the sort of thing a man always says to a girl before he has been married to her. He never says it afterwards.
lord goring
[Taking hold of her hand.] Mabel, I have told you that I love you. Can’t you love me a little in return?
mabel chiltern
You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about … anything, which you don’t, you would know that I adore you. Everyone in London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you. I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all.
lord goring
[Catches her in his arms and kisses her. Then there is a pause of bliss.] Dear! Do you know I was awfully afraid of being refused!
mabel chiltern
[Looking up at him.] But you never have been ·185· refused yet by anybody, have you, Arthur? I can’t imagine anyone refusing you.
lord goring
[After kissing her again.] Of course I’m not nearly good enough for you, Mabel.
mabel chiltern
[Nestling close to him.] I am so glad, darling. I was afraid you were.
lord goring
[After some hesitation.] And I’m … I’m a little over thirty.
mabel chiltern
Dear, you look weeks younger than that.
lord goring
[Enthusiastically.] How sweet of you to say so! … And it is only fair to tell you frankly that I am fearfully extravagant.
mabel chiltern
But so am I, Arthur. So we’re sure to agree. And now I must go and see Gertrude.
lord goring
Must you really? [Kisses her.]
·186· mabel chiltern
Yes.
lord goring
Then do tell her I want to talk to her particularly. I have been waiting here all the morning to see either her or Robert.
mabel chiltern
Do you mean to say you didn’t come here expressly to propose to me?
lord goring
[Triumphantly.] No; that was a flash of genius.
mabel chiltern
Your first.
lord goring
[With determination.] My last.
mabel chiltern
I am delighted to hear it. Now don’t stir. I’ll be back in five minutes. And don’t fall into any temptations while I am away.
lord goring
Dear Mabel, while you are away, there are none. It makes me horribly dependent on you.
·187· [Enter Lady Chiltern.]
lady chiltern
Good morning, dear! How pretty you are looking!
mabel chiltern
How pale you are looking, Gertrude! It is most becoming!
lady