The Success Lie. Janelle Bruland
legacy.
Living a Legacy
At a recent leadership retreat I led, our focus topic was The Leader’s Legacy. We discussed as a group that all of us want to leave a meaningful legacy – a positive impact on our family, our business, and our community.
The word legacy is defined as follows:
legacy, noun , leg·a·cy
1 A gift or a bequest, which is handed down, endowed or conveyed from one person to another.
2 Something transmitted from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.
One of our members approached the topic in a different way. While the rest of us were thinking about the legacy we want to leave, which is certainly important, he reminded us of the definition of legacy, and that it starts with something we have been given. All of us have received a legacy first. It may be a positive legacy that has been passed on to us, perhaps a special gift, or the traditions that we carry on; or it can be negative – like a behavior propensity, or a problem that exists because of something that has happened in the past. We are then a conduit to pass on the legacy that we create to those who follow us.
A colleague of mine gave the group three key mantras to think about in regard to legacy.
Choose It. Choose today what you want your legacy to be. None of us know how long our lives will be, so we must choose now.
Live it. Live your legacy today. Once you have determined what you want your legacy to be, don’t wait. Live it now.
Celebrate It. There is so much to be grateful for. Celebrate the legacy you have received and the legacy you want to live and leave. Find the good in each day.9
Start with the End in Mind
You don’t want to have regrets. When you ask people at the end of their lives what is most important, they rarely say that it is the fancy car, or the trophies that sit dusty on the shelf. Rather, it is the relationships they have, the loves in their life, the gifts they have given to others. If this type of clarity is gained by people at the end of life, what is it that we can learn from their wisdom?
Palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware took note after spending years with individuals during their last days and ended up writing a book about it titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.10 When asking about any regrets her clients had or if there was anything they would do differently she found common themes surfacing. Here are the top five regrets she heard over and over:
1 “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”11Ware found this to be the most common regret of all of them, as well as the one that seemed to cause the most frustration as her client’s realizations came too late.12 Are you living a life that is true to yourself? If this is not clear to you, you will have a chance to discover the answer as you work through the next couple of chapters.
2 “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”13I have to admit to struggling with this one when I read this research – perhaps because it needs my attention. A strong work ethic is an admirable thing. I recall my parents showing my siblings and I a good example of working hard and teaching us to do the same - a principle I now teach my own children. The problem comes when work becomes all-consuming and supersedes everything else in your life.
3 “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”14So often we allow fears to hold us back. Many people keep things inside in order to “keep the peace” with others. However, when this is done too often you lose part of yourself, along with the ability to truly become everything you are capable of and live the life you are meant to have.
4 “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”15Loving relationships are the key to a rich and fulfilled life. In the last chapter we talked about friends and family as one of the seven main areas of life. This is an area where we can fall into automatic living and take for granted these important relationships.
5 “I wish I had let myself be happier.”16You may believe you don’t have the power to make your own path. Together we are uncovering this lie and you will discover that happiness is a choice. You don’t have to remain stuck in old patterns and habits – instead you can break free to the life you have always wanted.
As you review this list, what is the greatest regret you have as you look over the life you have lived so far? Is one of these a particular “watch” area for you? Take a moment to think about it and write it down.
One of the most difficult, yet most useful exercises I have ever done was writing my own eulogy. Starting with the end in mind, I wrote what I wanted people to remember about me when my life on earth was done. What legacy did I want to leave? What impact did I want to have on the world around me? What would I want those who knew me to say about what I had done with my life? Though understandably a bit morbid, taking the time to do a similar exercise for yourself will be most helpful in determining what you need to be doing now.
Look ahead and think about yourself at the age of 100. As your 100-year-old self, what would you say about the life you are living? In the challenge section at the end of the chapter I have provided some questions to ask yourself. Think about this now, so you don’t get to 100 and look back at your life with regret.
I developed a Legacy Timeline exercise that is a helpful tool to review the decades of your life so far – the significant events, the various seasons, the highs and lows, and how they have shaped you into the person you are today. Once you go through the process of filling out the timeline, you then go back and review the last few decades. How have your life experiences impacted you and others and shaped your legacy?
The second part of the timeline exercise is to go forward into the next two decades – a 20-year outlook. What do you want to add to the timeline? Think about and write down what you wish to intentionally create in the coming season to begin fulfilling the legacy you want to leave.
As we come to the end of this chapter, let me leave you with some personal thoughts on this topic of legacy from my esteemed colleagues:
I will give more and take less.
I will speak into the lives of others.
I will ask myself, “What is the right thing to do?”
Each one of us has more impact than we realize.
If you are doing the right thing, the legacy part will take care of itself.
The decision is yours. You can continue to live on automatic and take things as they come, or you can choose to live intentionally. Take charge and design your best life – one that is destined to leave a positive legacy. It’s up to you. No one can do it for you. Let’s make the most out of the one exciting life that we have.
Challenge Questions
Evaluate Regrets
Review the list of regrets in this chapter and answer the following questions:
1 What’s your greatest regret as you look over the life you have lived so far?
2 What do you want to change so this is no longer an issue for you? Take a moment to write it down.
3 Of the five top regrets listed, what are one or two that resonate the most for you as an area you need to watch?
Challenge Exercise
START WITH THE END
Look ahead and imagine your life as your 100-year-old self. Take the time to answer the following questions:
As you look back on your many years of living, what have been your most meaningful experiences?
What have you accomplished that makes you most proud?
What legacy are you leaving for your children? For this world?
What