Nina, the Bandit Queen. Joey Slinger
her that her last cheque had been diverted and/or intercepted and cashed by a person representing himself/herself as the previously named “Nina. Carson. Dolgoy.” Since the caller was evidently in possession of the Nina. Carson. Dolgoy welfare ID number, the caller was evidently the identity thief, or the recipient of materials acquired by identity theft, and must immediately turn himself/herself in at the nearest police station.
Nina dropped the phone. Leaning her head against the tamper-proof coinbox, she watched it swing back and forth and the end of its vandal-proof cord.
Of all the things that had been going on lately, it was hard for JannaRose to say which surprised her most, but finding this working payphone was right up there. So was finding it in the basement mall at the towers, considering that even the toilets had been smashed in the public washrooms down there, although it hadn’t stopped people from using them. And finding the same telephone the next morning, still working, was something she never would have predicted. But Nina said it made sense if anybody bothered to think about it. The gangsters would want at least one guaranteed way of communicating in case their mobile phones went dead, and there was nobody handy to steal one from. On the other hand, Nina had to agree that once she got through to whatever it was she got through to, although all she got do was punch in some numbers, the transaction went on a lot longer than any she’d ever heard of before. If things kept going like that, the next thing she knew, the welfare department would be coming around to where she lived, bringing her a nice lunch, and doing her wash.
“Identity theft?” JannaRose said.
“Somebody stole my identity and cashed my last cheque.”
“But they didn’t send out your last cheque because your name was spelled wrong —”
“That’s right.”
“— and if you signed it, it would’ve amounted to forgery, and that would be a crime, and the welfare department —”
“Yes.”
“— didn’t want to be a party to a crime. But somebody cashed it?”
“Yes.”
“Unless,” JannaRose said, “they sent out another cheque with your name spelled right and you cashed it. But,” she said, “you have no memory of it because you immediately lost the money, which caused you to have a stroke. Or,” she said, “you had a stroke and can’t remember getting the money.”
“Don’t stop now, sweetie pie,” Nina said.
“But wouldn’t that mean you must have stolen —”
“Yes?”
“— your own identity?”
“Yes!” Nina pumped her fist.
JannaRose spread her fingers over her mouth. “That’s awful. How can you prove you’re the you the possible replacement cheque was issued to, and not —”
Nina sighed.
“— the you that stole your own identity and used it to cash the cheque? If it was two people, you and an identity thief, then it would be your word against theirs. But,” JannaRose said, “if there’s just one of you, and you stole you own identity, then it’s your word against yourself. And who’s going to believe you?”
As screwups went, the only thing this one had going for it was that it was one Nina had never heard of before. It wasn’t like she and D.S. and the girls would get evicted for not paying the rent if the cheques didn’t start coming soon. They already didn’t pay rent. And nobody was going to bother evicting them, since the bulldozer was about to knock the house down to make way for apartment buildings. For all she knew, it had happened while she was away phoning the welfare department.
The last time she got an actual cheque and had turned it into actual cash, she’d taken snippets of the money and hidden them around the house to keep D.S. from finding it in one lump sum and spending it on god knows what. Last night she’d been up till all hours looking for some of those hiding places, figuring maybe she hadn’t found them all, since she was sure she’d hidden more money than she’d been able to track down so far, which was none. Not being able to find even fifty cents made her start to panic — her chest got tight, her ears filled with a buzzy, tingling sound. She searched the whole house twice more before giving up. If she hadn’t given up, she was going to start ripping out the baseboards. That would have been poke-your-own-eyes-out insanity, because she knew she hadn’t done anything like rip the baseboards off to hide it in the first place. Still, the feeling weighed on her that when she got home, she was going to turn the place inside out again.
Walking home from the towers, she squinted at their rooflines. She couldn’t hear any bees, although maybe it was impossible right down there. It could be they had to travel a ways before they started making the noise that sounded like a sheet being torn in half. Or it could be there weren’t any at the moment. Neither she nor JannaRose bought for one minute the idea some people had that there weren’t any at all, that they were one of those urban myths. She and JannaRose mostly heard them when they lay in bed at night, unable to sleep. D.S. used to say he didn’t believe they existed, because why would anybody fire high-powered rounds over SuEz and not aim them anywhere else in the city? If bullets were flying over the rest of town, there would be big complaints. Nobody else would stand for it. The police would be all over the place. Although most of the people in Nina’s house said afterwards that they didn’t remember, she knew full well a lot of them heard them when Frank showed up the night after he got out of jail. That’s why they’d all gone outside and stared into the black sky: those ripping noises. More bees at one time than she’d ever heard. Maybe it had gotten blotted out of their memories by the shock of realizing it was the last time any of them ever laid eyes on her brother.
She slumped along, wondering if, even though you couldn’t hear bee noises this close to the towers, you wouldn’t at least hear some other noises associated with them that maybe didn’t carry as far as her house. Then she turned around so suddenly that JannaRose almost crashed head-on into her.
“Why would anybody steal the water?” The question came right out of the blue and wiped out everything else she’d been thinking.
“What water?” JannaRose said.
“The pool water.”
“What pool?”
“The high school pool. What fuckin’ pool did you think?”
“Somebody stole the water?”
Nina tried to collect her thoughts. Stealing water made sense. As much sense as stealing anything else did. Oh, no it didn’t. Not this water. This wasn’t ordinary water. Steal ordinary water, sure. Put it in plastic bottles. Sell it to fuckin’ idiots. Make a fuckin’ fortune. Lots of people do that. She was always telling the girls, drink it out of the tap. “It’s not the same!” Get an empty plastic bottle, fill it with water out of the tap. “It’s not the same!” Who’ll know? “It’s not the same!” It’s the fuckin’ same. “It’s not the same!”
This wasn’t the same. This was swimming pool water. Water out of the swimming pool. It was filthy. When she thought how filthy it was, it made her want to puke. It was water people had pissed in! It wasn’t even fresh filthy water. It had been there since the pool got shut down — what? Two years ago? All she could remember was how bad everybody stank when they came out of that water. She wouldn’t swim in it. She wouldn’t have let her girls swim in it.
JannaRose tried to suggest possible natural causes. “Maybe the pool got a crack in it? Could be it leaked away. Could be there was an earthquake.”
Nina laughed. She couldn’t believe anybody could be so dumb.
“So what happened, then?” JannaRose asked.
“They smashed a hole in the wall. Ran in a hose. Pumped it into a truck.”
“How do you know?”
“It’s obvious.”
“Why