Death by Minivan. Heather Anderson Renshaw
if I’ve borne it cheerfully and I’ve borne it with love.” — Mother Angelica
“Let us remember that love lives through sacrifice and is nourished by giving. Without sacrifice, there is no love.” — Saint Maximilian Kolbe
“Love, to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.” — Saint Teresa of Calcutta
“Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love, for they enkindle and melt the soul.” — Saint Teresa of Ávila
“When you know how much God is in love with you, then you can only live your life radiating that love.” — Saint Teresa of Calcutta
Pit Stop
(other resources)
• Look up 1 Corinthians 13, the well-known New Testament passage on love. Copy down or read aloud the passage, beginning with verse 1 and ending with “love never ends” in verse 8. Substitute the name of God everywhere the word “love” is referenced. Quietly meditate upon the true nature of God, who is love.
• Next, change things up, inserting your own name wherever the word “love” is referenced, beginning with verse 4 and ending with verse 6 (that is, “Heather is patient and kind; Heather is not jealous or boastful,” etc.). Meditate upon this modified version of the Scripture passage, especially as it relates to your vocation as a mother.
• Look up the song “You are Mine” by David Haas. Imagine God is speaking directly to you through the lyrics. If you’re a visual or audio person, there are videos with lyrics and music you can watch or listen to online.
• We all want to love and be loved. Perhaps you’ve read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. There’s also a children’s version, appropriately called The 5 Love Languages of Children. I’ve found these books, along with some free online resources, to be very helpful in understanding how I, my husband, and our children show and receive love. I encourage you to check them out!
Your Ideas
Discuss Amongst Yourselves
(questions)
1. What is unconditional love? How do you practice this particular love in your home?
2. What does it mean to be “fearfully and wonderfully made,” as Scripture tells us in Psalms 139:14?
3. Consider a time when your best-laid plans took a back seat to the needs of your child or children. What were the circumstances? What was the result of your sacrifice?
4. What are two things you can do this week to allow God’s love to be poured into you? Into your children?
Windows Rolled Down, Music Cranked Up
(( joy ))
“My mother is a big believer in being responsible for your own happiness. She always talked about finding joy in small moments and insisted that we stop and take in the beauty of an ordinary day. When I stop the car to make my kids really see a sunset, I hear my mother’s voice and smile.”
— Jennifer Garner
It’s 7:55 in the morning. The teenager missed her ride to school because she’s having a breakdown about moisturizer and schoolwork. The six-year-old refuses to return the earbuds she swiped from the twelve-year-old, who is protesting the injustice at the top of her lungs. The preschooler woke up late, and I’m scrambling to get him and myself fed, dressed, and out the door while the nine-year-old waits impatiently in the garage, wondering what all the fuss is about.
In this moment, I am not a happy camper. I’m muttering unrepeatable things under my breath through clenched teeth, and, if my megafrown is any indication, I have completely forgotten that—ahem—the Lord loves a cheerful giver (see 2 Cor 9:7).
Now, we moms know perfectly well that life in the mother’hood isn’t all unicorns, rainbows, and lollipops. And it’s definitely not about perfectly behaved children or having consistent time to accomplish uninterrupted anything. Instead, it’s often about tracking down missing shoes (again), keeping toddlers from bum-rushing the altar during Mass (again), wiping up frivolous messes (again), and eradicating heinous mystery smells from the van (again). It’s about perpetual mountains of laundry, ridiculous to-do lists, and bags under our eyes that are carrying their own unchecked luggage.
I defy anyone to feel supremely “happy” about any of the above circumstances. We give and we give, and then we give some more. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not always (ahem) cheerful about the giving.
And yet, as Christians, we are told to view even our hardships as a reason to rejoice: “Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (Jas 1:2–3).
At this point, you might be thinking, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. We don’t have enough in our checking account to cover our bills. My kids are driving me crazy. But … God wants me to … count it as … joy?
In a word, yes. Now, stick with me here for a minute.
As a young mom, my skin crawled whenever some well-meaning stranger observed my spirited youngsters daring to be youngster-like (usually I was running late when they decided to go full-on Lord of the Flies in the grocery store before lunchtime) and felt compelled to offer this gem: “Treasure every! single! minute!” I’d usually grimace and bite the inside of my cheek to keep from pelting the speaker with my exhaustion-fueled litany of grievances. Did she expect me to cherish every blowout diaper, each sleepless night, all ear infections and colicky episodes? How about the countless tantrums and the myriad other energy-sucking maladies of young motherhood? Happy? Happy? Joy? Joy? Give a tired mom a break.
You and I both know that it isn’t always easy to master our feelings or conform our will to that of our heavenly Father. Our bodies are broken and poured out for our families, often multiple times a day. Yet God wants us to know that, when we rely on him as our source of strength (see Neh 8:10) rather than waiting for our circumstances to improve or our feelings to change, we will have abiding joy that the world cannot give. Even when the dinner is burning and the math homework is insanely difficult and the two youngest won’t stop touching one other.
So … what is joy of the Holy Spirit variety, really?
Joy isn’t a feeling—it’s a reality
Now, this isn’t some mumbo-jumbo New Age-y concept or a pie-in-the-sky, fortune-cookie phrase. It’s Gospel truth about God’s kingdom here on earth. Remember: we pray, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Mt 6:10). Even here on earth, Jesus wants his joy to be in us, and for our joy to be complete (see Jn 15:11).
Yet this joy is not the same as happiness. It took me many, many years to understand this, and I know it’s a tough concept. So I repeat: joy and happiness are not one and the same. While happiness comes and goes like the wind, depending on circumstances and feelings—“I just rocked my presentation at work, and the kids aren’t biting each other’s heads off for a change. I’m so happy!”—joy is an unchangeable reality rooted in our identity as beloved