Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying. Betsy Kerekes
with the problem simply and moved on. They were tough, and that’s an attitude that will get them far in life. I recommend encouraging that in your kids, goat or human. For the whiners, ahem, I mean the more sensitive children, you can always point out that each passing moment gets the owie closer to being healed. You can also remind them that tomorrow they’ll feel so much better (or by bedtime, or in like one minute, depending).
Something else helpful to keep in your back pocket is the phrase, “Would you like to be the one to” when asking a child to do something for you. That way it sounds like the requested task is an honor and a privilege rather than a chore, especially when you use this phrase with fun stuff. Would you like to be the one who puts the bubbles in the bathtub? Licks the sour cream spoon? Butters the garlic toast? Straightens the shoes? Puts away the laundry? Takes the trash to the dumpster? See what I did there? Sometimes that phrase kicks off something enticing. Whenever they hear it, their ears may perk. And if their answer is no, change the question to: “Put the laundry away or change the baby’s stinky diaper? Those are your options.” That laundry will get put away. Pretty much anything you couple with a stinky diaper will be guaranteed to get done.
Diaper changing duty is a task no kid would mind sharing with someone else without us needing to ask. Sharing, in general, however, shouldn’t be forced. Even though “don’t forget to share” is a common parental phrase, we shouldn’t make our kids give up a toy or the swing for someone else all the time. Sharing is no doubt important, but only when the child does so from his own initiative. We can model sharing by doing so ourselves and then encouraging our kids to follow suit by pointing out how sharing brings others joy. For them you could say, “How nice of you to let the other boy play with your ball. See how happy you made him? Thank you for sharing.”
However, sharing isn’t always appropriate. What if your child wasn’t finished on the swing, for instance? Instead, offer him advanced notice that soon it will be someone else’s turn. “Five more minutes on the swing then let someone else have a go.” Another option is playing together. “How about you kick the ball back and forth to each other?” rather than making your child give up his toy entirely. Being nice is one thing, but we don’t want our children to feel like sharing is a punishment when they haven’t done anything wrong.
Good parenting encompasses all these techniques. But just know that when all is calm and quiet in your home, and you’re lulled into a false sense of security and “I’m a good parent”-ness, that’s precisely when you’ll find an entire roll of toilet paper unraveled into the toilet and a pile of poo sinking into the fibers of your bathroom rug. True story.
When you’re feeling a little down, like you may be failing your children because they’re not involved in fifty sports and you don’t have thirty-two play dates lined up for next week, just ask yourself this: Are they happy (not just because you scored them tickets to WrestleMania on Ice) and holy (you’re doing what you can there)? If yes, then you’re a good parent. Be at peace.
Chapter Three
Having Fun with Children … Even Your Own!
“Waste time with your children so they realize that love is always free.”
• Pope Francis •
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