A Smart Girl's Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Nancy Holyoke
Girls love drama. They need the attention. That’s just how we are.
But it’s not inevitable.
Girls like you can
rewrite the script.
I don’t need a lot of drama. I can make different choices. I can rewrite the script.
I know that other kids are like me. Everybody wants to fit in some- where. Everybody’s trying hard to be liked and to figure out what sort of person she wants to be.
I have strong feelings, just like most kids. My feelings aren’t good or bad. They just are. I feel them. I’m not going to pretend I don’t. But I can control what I do with them. They don’t control me.
I believe in doing what’s right. I’m going to make mistakes. Everybody does. But I will never stop trying to be a decent person. I’m going to grow up liking myself.
among friends
My friends and I fight over some pretty stupid things. It tears us apart for a while, and then we get back together. —Eva
Drama can be a little fun to watch, I admit. But it is not fun when you are in the drama, because it can break friendships apart. —No Drama Queen
The drama I see has to do with friends constantly changing friends. —Julia
Middle school is really harsh. People are all in a hierarchy. It makes being friends hard. Right now, my closest friends are not acting like friends. I have other friends, in different groups, but those groups are higher or lower in the hierarchy, so it would be hard for us to hang out without somebody looking bad. It’s all so confusing. —Sofia
Dramas tend to be based on one thing: exclusion. —Haley
My friends get in fights a lot. They always make up, but I wish they weren’t such drama queens. —Dana
“sit with us”
You walk into the lunchroom and head straight toward them: your friends.
Call them a group, but to you they’re more like a family. It’s where you
belong. They listen when you talk. They care how you feel. You can hang
out and be goofy together. You can share secrets. When you’re with your
friends, you matter. You’re special. You’re accepted. (They’re also what
stands between you and being alone in that lunchroom.)
I have absolutely the most gorgeous, nice, caring friends in the world. I can trust them, and they can trust me. —Isabel
Our friendship is like a triple- knotted shoelace. Not even the strongest person can untie it. —Madeline and Gabriella
My friends and I never stay in a fight for long, and eventually we walk off happy. That’s how I know we are true friends. —Abigail
I’ve found friends who are 100% sincerely nice and who like me for who I am. —Julia
We’re accepting, and we just like to be with each other. We help each other out and don’t let rifts get in the way of being friends. We are who we are, and we’re fine with that. —MT
us and them
All groups have a way of thinking about themselves. It comes partly from
the kids in the group—what they share, how they see themselves, and
how they’d like to be seen. It comes partly from how kids outside the
group see it. Usually there are lots of labels floating around, like “geeks,”
“brainiacs,” “jocks,” and of course, “popular.”
However that works, everybody has a pretty good sense of where every-
body fits, and friends often find ways to celebrate their friendship—and
show their loyalty.
It’s natural to like the things your friends like.
If everybody in your group wears daisy clogs,
you may decide to start wearing daisy clogs,
too. If your friends have pierced ears, you may
want to pierce yours, too. That’s OK, so long
as you really want to wear daisy clogs and
have your ears pierced.
But what if you don’t?
What if all your friends wear black
and you show up in plaid? If you
stop listening to country and
start liking indie? If you start
spending time with a girl outside
your group?
Some groups are relaxed. Being
friends doesn’t involve a lot of dos
and don’ts. Friends don’t spend time
examining what other friends wear or
do or say. They don’t question one
another’s loyalty. They also aren’t hung
up on disliking kids in other groups or
excluding people. Girls have friends in
and outside the group, and that’s fine.
Kids do pretty much what they like
to do.
But other groups are strict. People are
really critical. Friends tell friends how
to dress and what to think, who’s OK
to talk to and who isn’t. There’s always
a right way and a wrong way, and the
group decides which is which. People
ridicule kids outside the group, and
nobody feels safe inside. A girl feels
she’s one mistake away from getting
kicked out.
Sometimes a girl falls in with a group without knowing what she’s signed on for.