Bottled Up. Suzanne Barston
Bottled Up
The publisher gratefully acknowledges the generous support of the General Endowment Fund of the University of California Press Foundation.
Bottled Up
How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t
Suzanne Barston
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PRESS
Berkeley Los Angeles London
University of California Press, one of the most distinguished university presses in the United States, enriches lives around the world by advancing scholarship in the humanities, social sciences, and natural sciences. Its activities are supported by the UC Press Foundation and by philanthropic contributions from individuals and institutions. For more information, visit www.ucpress.edu.
University of California Press
Berkeley and Los Angeles, California
University of California Press, Ltd.
London, England
© 2012 by The Regents of the University of California
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cobb-Barston, Suzanne Michaels, 1978-
Bottled up : how the way we feed babies has come to define motherhood, and why it shouldn’t / Suzanne Barston.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-520-27023-7 (cloth : alk. paper)
1. Breastfeeding. 2. Breastfeeding—Complications. 3. Breastfeeding—Social aspects. I. Title.
RJ216.C652 2012
649′.33—dc23 2012010493
Manufactured in the United States of America
21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
In keeping with a commitment to support environmentally responsible and sustainable printing practices, UC Press has printed this book on Rolland Enviro100, a 100% post-consumer fiber paper that is FSC certified, deinked, processed chlorine-free, and manufactured with renewable biogas energy. It is acid-free and EcoLogo certified.
For Leo and Lucy
CONTENTS
References and Further Reading
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book would have been nothing more than the rantings of an annoyed new mom were it not for a long list of people far smarter than I, who shared their considerable expertise, bold opinions, and valuable time. For this, I offer my extreme gratitude to Polly Palumbo, Rebecca Goldin, Joan Wolf, Stephanie Knaak, Ellie Lee, Alex Tabbarok, Carden Johnston, Karen Kleiman, Maureen Rand Oakley, Dr. Barry Dworkin, Chris Bobel, Janet Golden, Dr. Michael Moritz, Linda Blum, Phyllis Rippeyoung, Mary Noonan, Tina Moffat, Julie Artis, Orit Avishai, Siobhan Reilly, and Eirik Evenhouse.
Much appreciation also goes to Katherine Abend, Christine Pietrosh, Nicolle Fefferman, Danny Bush, Jennifer Golub-Marcus, and Juli Schneiderman, who all read, brainstormed, and/or listened to me obsess about this project; my Pasadena mommy friends for accepting me into their fold despite my differing (and often unsolicited) opinions; my editor, Naomi Schneider, for her tireless tweaking and shaping of what was originally a rambling, somewhat schizophrenic manuscript; Kate Warne, Madeleine Adams, and everyone at UC Press for bringing this book from gestation to birth; my unbelievable agent at Writers House, Rebecca Sherman, and her assistant Ty King; Brooke Linville for her support, Web prowess, and take-no-prisoners attitude; the administrative team of Bottle Babies for being my sisters in arms in a ridiculous and unnecessary war; my parents, Steve and Diana Cobb, for their love and babysitting hours (and my dad for his professional insight and access to medical journals); the whole Barston and Cobb clans for putting up with my insanity; the warm and loving crew of babysitters who’ve hung out with my kids so that I could write—Candace Rodrigues, Erika Kennington, Katy Williams, and Keewa Nurullah; Virginia Lam for her incomparable PR expertise; and the Strong Momma crew for reminding me that chat rooms—despite all their faults—can be supportive, positive places.
To the women of the Fearless Formula Feeder community who have shared their pain, humor, and anger with me, whose stories pepper these chapters and inspired so much of the prose, I am honored to be your “voice” and I hope I don’t disappoint you too much.
Thank you, also, to the positive, open-minded lactivists I’ve met in the past two years—women like Suchada Eickemeyer of MamaEve.com, Devan McGuinness-Snider of AccustomedChaos.com, and Rina Groeneveld—who have helped me see an entirely new side of the story, and who I hope can read this story in the spirit it was intended.
Last, thank you just isn’t adequate for my husband, Steven. Writing this book took a tremendous toll on our family, and I’ve asked way too much of you during these past three years. I hope I can someday return the favor, but until then I hope my undying gratitude and love will suffice.
Introduction
I’m watching an Internet series about pregnancy. While a new mom is being interviewed, her baby begins crying. She informs her husband (and the camera) that she’s going to “go make him a bottle.” A nervous glance passes over her face; it’s almost imperceptible, but I can see it. The guilt, the conflict, the defensiveness … it’s all there. And it hurts to watch.
Other women viewing this show will catch the moment as well, subtle as it may be. Some will grimace, familiar with the shame of being a bottle-feeding mom. Others will judge, wondering why someone held up as a shining example of motherhood isn’t breastfeeding.
Before I had my son, I probably would’ve wondered the same thing. I had always intended to nurse my child for at least a year; I didn’t allow the thought that I might fail to enter my mind. I didn’t want to breastfeed. I had to breastfeed. Which is what makes watching that episode with the bottle-feeding mom so hard.
Because that woman is me.
As the subject of a popular Internet reality series for Pampers.com, every ultrasound, contraction, and hormonal rant