Conversations with the Psychologist. Veronica Semenova
of flights a day are simultaneously in the air, taking off and landing at destination airports. Your flight is not the only one and certainly will not be the last in your life.
Those experiencing aerophobia should study how planes actually fly. You can watch documentaries or go to a special center with air trainers. After such training, you will not be disturbed by strange sounds you might hear either upon takeoff or during the flight. You will learn that turbulence zones and making several turns before approaching for landing are standard flying situations that are not dangerous.
During the Flight
Don’t be afraid to inform the flight attendants of your fear. Say hello to the pilot, if you have an opportunity. It is usually calming to see a professional in uniform who is behaving confidently.
It’s good to plan in advance what you will be doing during the flight. For example, you can watch a movie, listen to music or an audiobook, read a magazine or a book, or take a computer with you and work. The idea is to give yourself a distraction.
Many people are able to calm themselves with a tasty snack or drink. However, beware of drinks containing caffeine, as they may stir up an already-agitated nervous system. Try to drink a lot of water, because the cabin air is very dry. Some try to calm their panic by drinking alcohol. This is unlikely to help, and it can really make you feel worse. It is also not advisable to take strong medication on board, as medicines can affect you differently at high altitude. Remember: the fear of flying is not a disease that needs to be treated with medications.
Take a walk down the aisle and stretch your legs and arms. Such exercises will help restore your blood circulation. When you sit down, do some exercises for your feet, hands, arms, and shoulders.
If you feel that panic is beginning to overwhelm you, try to talk to the passenger next to you. Share with them that you have a fear of flying and that it’s hard for you to overcome it. Perhaps your new acquaintance will tell you something interesting and help distract you from frightening fantasies.
If none of these tips helps, close your eyes, take deep breaths and make even deeper exhales, focussing only on the positive experiences that this trip will bring.
After the Flight
If the fear is turning into an anxiety disorder, consult a specialist psychologist who works with fear. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is especially helpful in coping with irrational beliefs and anxieties. The task of the psychologist is to give an accurate, logical explanation for the physical symptoms associated with fear.
For example, a person should understand that rapid heartbeat is not a sign of a heart attack, but the result of an exaggerated reaction to a stressor. A fearful person needs to completely get rid of the uncertainty and ambiguity of what is happening to him before there can be a clear plan for reducing anxiety. Therapy will teach you to control your condition instead of trying to control the situation. The most effective way of getting rid of the fear of flying on an airplane is to fly as often as possible to retrain your internal response to fear.
Have a good flight!
Fear of Aging
Question: “In recent years, every time I look at myself in the mirror, I feel a pang of fear. I see new wrinkles every day. I’m afraid of getting old. Every day, I just think about what procedure, therapy, or treatment I can do to stop my face and body from ageing. I feel sorry for and pity women older than me. I notice wrinkles on their faces, withered skin, and then I remember that I, too, will soon become like them. What should I do?”
We live in a very interesting time, when the stereotypes of many previously clearly defined concepts have been broken. One of these broken stereotypes is about age and how and when old age comes. People today live longer, and they feel better. Medicine continues to develop and improve. We have learned how to treat incurable diseases, prolonging the lives of previously untreatable patients. Economic conditions are better than centuries or even decades ago, we do less manual labor, we have more free time, and we preserve our health.
Today, people in their 50s and 60s can expect to live at least another 30 years. This is a time for feeling active, being in good physical shape, and leading a busy life.
Just 20—30 years ago, women were retiring at 55, and men at 60. Retirement was synonymous with old age-wearing relaxed clothes, walking with difficulty, and moving to a country home or a retirement facility. This was viewed as a quiet, serene time in keeping with the end of life.
A 50-year-old man, athletic and running, was an exception to the common rule, and a 50-year-old woman who was engaged in sports or dancing would have been perceived as somewhat odd. Those who gave birth after 40 were the rarest phenomenons, and travel was reserved only for the “young.” Pensioners had to live quietly and calmly, visit doctors, help their children, and live out their lives.
A modern man of fifty years feels well. He has a lot of strength. Some still have young children. And it is now “in fashion” to stay eternally young, because the only image of old age we have today is that outdated one from 30 years ago. The new image of an old person’s makeup has yet to be formed. We now witness the formation of a new generation, “the golden age,” consisting of people who are still active, who have opportunities and practically no obligations, and who conform to no social expectation.
There is not yet a clear example of the “new old age,” so the choices of those who are over 50 are very limited. Either prepare yourself for the traditional view of old age in the form of homebound and quiet living, or pick the model of young behavior (which is, in fact, inadequate, because the experience of older people is different from the young, and their desires are different, too.
And here we must ask the question: Is there really no alternative? And why is the choice so limited – that you are either young or old? What happens between youth and old age? After all, between these stages, there is a wonderful (and, by the way, the longest) stage of life called ‘maturity.”
Maturity is a stage of life where you are affected by the experience of your past years and the mistakes made as well as by your achievements in work, and by the mature and stable relationships in your life which influence your ability to fulfill many of your desires.
But many try to ignore the maturity stage. They may dream of being forever young and are afraid that by taking a step from youth to maturity, they will inevitably move closer to old age. Growing old is considered to be bad, awkward, and difficult. But it is also hard to be born, and it’s not easy to grow up. Life involves hard living – but how interesting and exciting it is!
The desire to look young, in general, has reached its peak. Advertisers are pushing products, goods, and services designed to help us look young at any age. But why try to look 20 when you’re 50 or 60? Do we really always have to look like University students? Why don’t we try to look like kindergartners when we are in high school?
We only have one life, and it is multifaceted. We live through many stages of life, and each stage is beautiful in its own way whether it be childhood, adolescence, youth, maturity, or old age. They are similar to stations on a wonderful train ride – the train ride of our lives. If you get stuck at one of the stations, you do not have time to enjoy all the pleasures of the next.
True maturity proposes a different behavior: awareness of oneself as a formed personality, at the same time developing an awareness of respecting one’s health, appearance, and clothing style. It is ridiculous to watch an adult dressed like a teenager, because he is trying to look 20 years younger. It may be more correct to try to look good and elegant, dressing in a style in keeping with your age and inner state so that