Ultimate Kempo. Jeff Driscoll
better structure and movement, also teaches us the keys of destruction when it comes to our opponent.
When it comes to physically applying our martial arts techniques, we can violate these principles sometimes, depending on our age (youth), strength, and speed. But as we get older, we have to grow smarter and more perceptive to the keys that make our purpose easier, and our opponent’s purpose more difficult. If we choose to ignore the fact that these guidelines exist, we are doomed to fail, especially after our physical skills start to diminish.
As we have discussed earlier, principles that govern or relate to physical movement and motion, have a direct relationship in dealing with the mental and emotional challenges of daily living.
Keeping this in mind, I have tried to come up with several simple, straight-forward principles or rules to help guide us when dealing with conflict...physical or non-physical.
1) Pick Your Battles!
Ever feel that you are surrounded by battles/conflicts that constantly require your energy and urgent attention? Sometimes in life, we are drawn into a conflict without our total awareness. Other times, we may dive right in to a fight, without considering the consequences of participating in the conflict. How much time, emotional and physical energy will we have to invest?
Will this sacrifice be beneficial to the betterment of our lives in the long run? Have we looked at the possible outcomes of this situation or conflict? How will our lives, and the lives of those around us, benefit if we prevail? Will there actually be any benefits? Have we considered the down side of engaging in this conflict if we do not prevail? What will we lose, and more importantly, can we afford the loss? Is the fight worth the consequences?
These are all considerations that have to be taken into account, BEFORE we enter into a conflict. In war, just as in daily life, there are never any shortages of conflicts or battles we may engage in. The important thing to remember is that to be an effective and victorious warrior, we must look at the big picture and ask ourselves these important questions. Have we entered into a conflict merely because of our ego, or is the process or fight a worthwhile cause, which will affect you and others in a positive manner?
Always remember, in many cases, we have the opportunity to pick the battles we engage in. But, if we choose not to ask ourselves the important questions, we will find ourselves drawn into conflicts and situations that are not worthy of our time, energy, and possibility of sacrifice and loss.
This guideline is, in no way meant to influence the reader to be totally passive, and to not engage in a conflict. It is merely meant to induce this thought, more often than not we have a choice in the matter. Always remember, when we have a choice, we must evaluate the situation in an objective, educated manner.
2) It is Always Easier to Get Into a Battle or Conflict, Than It is to Get Out!
This guideline goes hand-in-hand with PICK YOUR BATTLES. We have all been drawn into situations, where we’ve engaged in a conflict, whether it is an argument, legal battle, or dispute of some kind, only to realize the objective is not worth the price we must pay to accomplish it. If we lose the taste for the battle, we may find ourselves wondering how we got involved.
When considering the first guideline, Pick Your Battles, we must consider the fact that the conflict may draw on much longer, and become more costly, than anticipated. This factor must be a major consideration. Are we willing to endure a long, drawn out, mentally and physically draining campaign? If we look back in history, many times we’ve found ourselves as a country, involved in campaigns that have continued on much longer and become more costly than anticipated. Is the objective worth the sacrifice?
We must look at the conflict and how to appropriately deal with it. Consider all scenarios... What is your exit strategy? Do you have one? At what point would you consider cutting your losses and remove yourself from the conflict?
3) Know Who You’re Dealing With!
In the martial sense, this would more appropriately be termed, Know Your Enemy. Since these guidelines are meant to cover a broad spectrum of conflicts or battles which may come our way, we will use, Know Who You’re Dealing With. In any interaction with people, there is a certain possibility of conflict. As discussed before, everyone has a certain amount of internal conflict. Therefore, when interacting with others, opinions and viewpoints will often differ, bringing conflict to the surface.
In order to plan out a strategy to avoid conflict, we must know as much as possible about the person or persons we have interactions with. This may be an adversary in business, a neighbor, a co-worker, a spouse, or anyone whom we have some type of relationship with.
First of all, knowing a great deal about the people we interact with, gives us a better understanding of them. We start to see and understand their values and priorities, which guide or drive their behavior. Understanding what things are important and fulfilling to them, allows us to create a more harmonious and balanced relationship with them.
Here are several important characteristics to remember that will help better understand people and why they do what they do.
• The number-one fear all people have is rejection.
• ALL people need to feel accepted by those around them.
• Everyone approaches situations with some concern about what’s in it for them.
• When negotiating or dealing with someone, you must do it in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem.
• People will hear and adopt only concepts that they understand, and can relate to.
• People believe and trust those who like them, and share things in common with them.
Take a look at these guidelines, and see if they don’t give you a better understanding of how and why people act.
Knowing these characteristics of the way humans function, and implementing them into your strategy when interacting with others, will change the way you see and deal with other people. This allows us to better avoid conflict and if conflict occurs, allows for better communication and negotiation. Everyone desires to feel important in some way, and wants to feel as though they’re being understood. If you make it a constant practice to observe the people around you, and better understand what makes them unique, you will be much more successful in having balanced relationships with them.
4) It’s Not Always What You Say, but More Importantly, How You Say It!
Quite often, the delivery of the message is more important than its content. When we are involved in discussions with people, our intent is usually to get the other party to see our viewpoint.
They may feel defensive, or intimidated by our perspective. We may experience feelings of frustration, anger, or impatience, which can cause us to lose sight of our objective. If we do this, our delivery of the message can create a breakdown in the lines of communication. This in turn, makes our objective much more difficult, if not impossible. Remember, that our objective is to win the battle without a fight.
If the delivery of the message is done without the presence of ego, and is done in a manner that allows the other party to see that both sides share common values and interests, communication and resolve of the conflict will take place much quicker. This allows for the feeling of connection with people. Most people will be much more inclined to listen to someone, who they feel understands their interests and concerns.
Sometimes, we allow our emotions to negatively effect our presentation or delivery. If we are feeling emotions of anger or frustration, we may come off as gruff and unconcerned for anyone else’s feelings or viewpoints. This usually will result in a much more difficult resolution of the conflict. That’s not to say that sometimes our emotions cannot propel us and gives us the ability to deliver a commanding, inspirational message. Sometimes anger and the show of force can be a powerful tool when it comes to an adversary that only understands that mentality.
As you can see, this guideline is directly related to Know Who You’re Dealing With. When you better understand the person you’re dealing with, the delivery of you’re message can be incredibly more effective! When it