Plan B. Karra Barber-Wada

       What Are Your Emotional Steps Forward?

      Write down five “emotional steps forward” that you feel will help keep you and your child(ren) emotionally steady during a time when you need the most reassurance.

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       Practical Steps

      For families who have a child on the autism spectrum, divorce can become exceedingly challenging. Children’s emotional states are altered, their treatment programs are affected, and their everyday routines become more unpredictable.

      Moving Forward: Erica’s Story

      Six-year-old Erica received a diagnosis of pervasive developmental disorder at age 3. After a long and laborious court battle, her parents’ divorce became final, and primary custody of Erica and her younger sister Amanda was awarded to their mother, Lisa. Their father’s (Jon’s) visitation schedule consisted of alternating weekends, holidays, and summer vacations. This transition was especially difficult for Erica, as demonstrated by her constant meltdowns, bed-wetting, and irregular sleep patterns. To complicate matters, Lisa took a part-time job as a paralegal and moved the girls 50 miles away from where Jon resided when Erica was in first grade. This created logistical challenges for Jon, in terms of visitation and attending school-related activities.

      “This was a very hard time for all of us,” said Lisa. “Jon and I were not on good terms when we filed for divorce. Erica was having outbursts at school. She wasn’t sleeping or eating well, either. In the midst of all of this, I got a job and moved out of town. Jon’s work record had been spotty, and our finances had been limited. Although it was in the middle of the school year, I had to make the decision to relocate for financial reasons. I knew I wanted to register Erica in a special-education program right away, so she could get back on track in a new school as soon as possible. I was aware that the combination of all of those changes would most likely complicate things for Jon and the girls, particularly Erica, but I felt I had no choice. We needed a steady income, and I could provide that better than Jon at that point.”

      As Lisa was getting situated at her new job and settling into her new apartment in a new city with the girls, she prepared to meet with the officials at Erica’s new school to create an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for Erica. Gathering old medical records and neuropsychology reports for Erica’s IEP meeting was a full-time job. Erica had so many documents to organize. Having gone through the IEP process before at Erica’s previous school, Lisa and Jon were aware of the procedures necessary to reinstate Erica’s IEP. Although Erica had previously come from a special-needs classroom environment, her progress had been clearly noted in many academic and psychological evaluations.

      The IEP team at Erica’s new school took their time in reviewing her assessments and all other pertinent information. Eventually, the IEP team agreed to Erica’s new placement in a general-education classroom, with part-time assistance from an educational aide. The new IEP team also agreed to provide Erica with other special-education services, which included an hour of individualized speech and occupational therapy per week. Even attending a weekly social-skills “lunch bunch” group with her typically developing peers was written into Erica’s new IEP.

      “Jon and I were pleasantly surprised—ecstatic actually—with the support services provided by the new school district. Also, Jon’s health insurance plan continued to provide Erica with an additional hour a week of speech therapy from a private practitioner. I must confess, although Erica’s school program was a good one, the adjustment to all the new changes affected her behavior at school and at home for some time,” Lisa added.

      Finances were an ongoing issue for Lisa and Jon. Jon’s monthly child support payments were nominal. As the primary custodian for both children, Lisa still struggled to make ends meet by working part time. This meant she had to adhere to a strict household budget to be able to live within her means.

      “Fortunately, my income level as a single parent made me eligible to receive a cost reduction for after-school child care through the local YMCA. This was something I desperately needed as a working single mom,” said Lisa.

       Take Practical Steps Forward

       Obtain Legal Advice, Counsel,and/or Mediation Intervention

      Often, you will find that as you become a single parent, you may require legal advice, expertise, and/or other outside assistance to facilitate the dissolution of your marriage. Do your homework and gather any pertinent information you need for yourself and your child regarding your specific situation. Research and understand your legal rights, options, and obligations.

      When it comes to having custody of a special-needs child, certain provisions may need to be considered for the division of child custody and financial obligations as they relate to child support, overall settlement, and possible future guardianship of your child (depending on the state you live in). In most states, child support ends after the child turns 18 or finishes college, but every state has different laws and procedures. When you have a special-needs child, often a financial assistance plan can be developed and agreed upon between both parties (for example, this can be spelled out in a living trust).

      If you are hiring an attorney to handle your divorce, ask for references. An attorney with experience in representing parents with special-needs children is preferable. Each state has different laws about marriage, divorce, spousal support, and child custody and/or

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