Grave Accusations. Paul Dunn
either.
Just before Anita got divorced, she met Paul again. She was riding near the river and had crossed over onto the former governor’s property. Paul motioned for her to stop.
“Mr. Bolack is having problems with vandalism and no one is allowed in this area,” he told her.
Unintimidated, Anita replied, “He’s given me permission to ride here.”
Paul looked at her as if he didn’t believe a word she said. What an impudent little snot! She thought. But she couldn’t help noticing once again what an attractive man he was. Boldly, she asked his name so she could complain to Bolack about him—at least, she would know the cutie’s identity.
Later, Anita asked her sister, Margaret, to ask her fireman husband, Andy, to find out about Paul Dunn.
A few days later, Andy told Margaret, “He said he’d clear a place for Anita to ride anytime, but the guy’s married with three children.”
Anita was disappointed. She didn’t know until much later the problems Paul and his wife were having or the unfulfilled needs Paul had.
At Christmas, Andy and Margaret threw their annual holiday party for city co-workers and friends. That night Anita saw Monica and Paul together. Anita noticed Monica’s possessiveness immediately.
“She was holding his arm. She watched him and she watched the other women at the party with a wary expression, like she was looking for something. It was clear: He was her property. There was no happiness in her face. You didn’t get the feeling you could go up to her and spend some time chitchatting, as people do at parties. She was closed off.”
Later at the Christmas party, Paul’s eyes met Anita’s from across the room and he remembered seeing the spunky woman when she rode her horse on former governor Tom Bolack’s vast San Juan County ranch land. Before they knew it, they were standing in front of the sparkling tree talking.
“Have you been riding lately?” Paul asked.
Anita nodded. “I still ride on Bolack’s land all the time.”
Paul desperately needed a friend to talk to at that point in his life. Though he was continuing to work the Bolack security job to supplement the income he made as a cop and Monica’s income as a court clerk, Monica spent his money and her own faster than they could make it. Besides the jobs, he was doing all the housework. Monica was queen over all she surveyed—except Paul’s soul, though he didn’t have the strength of spirit to realize that yet. It seemed nothing he did pleased Monica anymore. He felt completely inadequate, although he was doing more than everything he could to keep their marriage going.
Paul wasn’t thinking of beginning an affair with Anita Harris that night. He just felt grateful for a sympathetic ear.
Anita knew immediately she and Paul would click. It was a first impression combined with her belief and knowledge of auras. She had learned from a psychologist that when a person meets someone or something new, the brain asks three questions. What is it? Have I seen it before? Is it going to hurt or help me? Looking at it that way, Anita believed first impressions were vital to survival.
Soon after the party and away from Monica’s vigilant eyes, Paul and Anita met again on Bolack’s land and poured out the stories of their lives to each other. For Paul, there was finally someone to whom he could tell all the feelings he had kept concealed for so long. With her strawberry hair and ivory complexion, the compassionate Anita quickly became an ally. Paul had never really talked openly to a woman before. Although his body had experienced physical love many times, a spiritual connection had never completed the picture until Anita, with her earthy attractiveness, entered his life.
Anita felt money was a large part of Paul’s problems with Monica. They had separate checking accounts. He had no idea where Monica’s money went, but she had no qualms about spending his. The bills were all his responsibility. “He never said anything openly about resenting it, but I got the impression he felt it would be nice to have some support. Cops don’t make a lot of money,” Anita notes.
Paul and Anita never touched during those first weeks as their friendship grew. Finally, they discussed a relationship. Paul made it clear that if he got divorced, he would lose his girls. “I can’t lose my babies,” he said, always referring to the girls as “his babies.” Anita understood.
Sometime after that, Paul fell in love. It wasn’t the kind of fiery, out-of-control love he had once felt for Monica. That love had died because of a lack of communication. “I know now we just had sex,” he sadly admitted to Anita. With Anita, Paul felt he could walk through life with her forever in his soul.
Anita learned of Paul’s generosity, his ability to listen and how safe she felt around him. Having survived an abusive marriage, it took Anita a long time to trust again. She wasn’t about to choose another violent man and she knew the signs to watch for. Never in her relationship with Paul did he menace her, and she loved the positive male influence he had on Josh, her fourteen-year-old son.
Anita also learned about Paul’s caring nature. Paul also served as a male nurse for the former governor, who had suffered several strokes and was in a wheelchair. Paul did things for Bolack that many people hired to provide security would simply never do.
Seeing this gentle, caring side of Paul made Monica’s treatment of him infuriate Anita. A woman’s true beauty, Anita knew, was more than skin deep. It radiated from her inner self. Independent but caring, Anita didn’t hold grudges and tried to think of others while respecting their privacy. So she couldn’t believe Monica’s self-centeredness. Monica treated Paul more like a servant than a husband.
While Anita couldn’t believe Paul could love a woman like Monica, some people who knew Paul just couldn’t see him with Anita. Most people remember her spending every free moment of time riding a horse and wearing old jeans and boots. In fact, she sometimes related better to animals than people. A free spirit, she usually wore a natural look, with no makeup and her red, glossy hair curled below her shoulders, casually blowing in the wind.
Sometimes when Anita looks at me, I can feel her beauty, Paul thought.
Anita’s beauty was reflected in her soul and her personality. Her easy self-confidence—in exact opposition to Monica’s neediness—her poise, her dignity—these elements made up Anita. She wasn’t cocky, but she believed in herself—which was attractive to Paul in itself. Anita possessed a natural loveliness that shone through the simple T-shirts and jeans she threw on in five minutes.
It took Monica two hours to get ready to go anywhere. Her clothes, makeup and hair had to be perfect. If they weren’t, she would not go.
“Anita’s not what people call ‘drop-dead’ gorgeous. It’s everything, the whole package. Monica’s beauty was only exterior,” Paul divulged.
Had Monica known Anita, she would have joined the rest of the people in town in not understanding why Paul was attracted to the woman. Anita saw men as shallow and immature, always needing to show off the trophy they had won, which is exactly how many perceived Monica—a trophy. For Monica, natural and internal beauty were not concepts she knew of or cared about. Monica’s sweet, innocent face and lady-like hospitality made everyone describe her as an angel, as someone who never entertained an evil thought. Most people didn’t know her well. They had never seen her blistering anger or jealousy.
Paul’s intense guilt didn’t stop his having an affair with Anita. Not that Paul didn’t try. He wrote several drafts of “Dear John” letters to Anita trying to cut the relationship off, but he never could bring himself to send them.
Paul and Monica now had only the children in common. Since he had to work two jobs to make ends meet, the couple rarely saw each other.
Emotionally, Paul and Anita grew closer. Anita never forgot the first night they made love. It was perfect. They drove her sedan one March night to the river; cottonwood trees formed a canopy overhead. She reclined the car’s leather seats and their pent-up love and passion combined with the beautiful scenery as bodies and minds intertwined.