Embracing the Awkward. Joshua Rodriguez
inside of their pockets, and whenever they stick their hands in their pockets and feel them, they remember to be in the here and now.
There are lots of different ways to do this. For you, it might be when you’re walking through the hallway at school, when you first sit down at your desk to work, or even when you hear the sound of the bell at your school signaling you to go to the next class.
Returning Home
After a long day, you might feel exhausted to the point where all you want to do is lie down in front of the TV or computer to zone out. And while that’s totally fine to do, the moment before you sit down could present you with the opportunity to practice mindfulness.
Before you launch into any activity, take a seat on your couch, chair, or bed, and sit up with a straight back so you can take in a deep breath. Most likely you’ve been on the move all day long, so letting this moment be the buffer where you can slow down before launching into your next activity will help you re-calibrate your body.
You might be feeling anxious to jump into whatever you’re going to do next, but try the breathing techniques for one minute. If you have the time, do it for three minutes. And then when you’re ready, pick up your remote or open up your laptop and move into the rest of your day.
Before Bed
When it’s time for you to head to sleep, there isn’t anything left for you to do besides lie down and pass out. Practicing mindfulness as you lie down to sleep can not only help you fall asleep more easily but can also bring you into a calm state of being where you won’t be overrun by thoughts all night long.
Start simply by lying down on your back or in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. As you begin to breathe, move your focus to the different parts of your body. Start with the air going into your lungs, and then shift your focus to your chest and upper body. Feel your body sink into the bed below you, and release any tightened muscles. Let yourself feel as if you are floating on a cloud or on the surface of water.
Let your mind move in thought to the other parts of your body, your arms, your legs, and eventually your body as a whole. It’s normal for your mind to wander or for you to think about what you have to do the next day, but at least for now in the moments when you first lie down, your mind is there with you.
“If you’re not willing to work hard, let someone else do it.
I’d rather be with someone who does a horrible job but gives 110 percent than with someone who does a good job and gives 60 percent.” —Will Smith
Identying your strengths and weaknesses
There’s a quote from Mister Rogers that I always turn to whenever I feel like I’m not taking action to the best of my ability. What I’ve come to learn over the years is that all we can ever give to any situation is ourselves. We can never be what someone expects us to be; heck, we can’t even always be what WE want to be. And that’s why it’s a wonderful feeling to know that the most we can ever offer is our honest selves. This is the quote I turn to:
“Sometimes people are good, and they do just what they should. But the very same people who are good sometimes are the very same people who are bad sometimes. It’s funny but it’s true. It’s the same isn’t it, for me and you.”
Learning what you’re good at is way more than just identifying your skill set or your ability to succeed in a single area of your life. When we’re young, we’re taught to think in this one-pointed way, to just find a career that will offer stability, security, and safety. These three “S” words leave the great majority of people pursuing dreams and goals that they may not want, but which are in alignment with the people with whom they surround themselves. In high school, this can take the shape of taking certain extracurricular activities or picking a college that your parents want you to attend; in college, this may be choosing the major that you know will enable you to get a job, and in adult life this may be staying exactly where you are for fear of having to start all over again.
If instead we started thinking about what our strengths and weaknesses actually are early on in our lives, I believe we would be better able to get on the path of pursuing a life that is fulfilling and meaningful. When we think of our strengths and weaknesses, we often define them simply as what you’re good and bad at doing. It’s as clear cut as that; it’s trying to figure out what you already are capable of and running with that. But just like Mister Rogers said, the very same people who are good sometimes are the very same people who are bad sometimes. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have everything you need to know about it figured out.
A surgeon who is excellent at his job may really have no talent at comforting patients before they go into operation, or a teacher who is incredibly educated on a subject may be horrible at sharing that knowledge in a way that a student can understand. Every path you take has multiple layers to it, which is why it’s so important to not measure your strengths and weaknesses by what you already possess, but instead by what you are capable of learning and growing into.
If you’re open to learning, then you have the willingness to recognize that you may not be perfect at something, and that there may be a thing or two that you can learn from others that may give you a tremendous advantage in life, all because you were open to listening. Normally, what we’re looking for is for someone to confirm our way of thinking. If people tell us that we’re doing things just right, then we won’t have to worry about the tougher part of it all, the need for growth. In fact, if your teacher gave you an A on every exam, would you ever feel like you needed to study?
It’s in the hardships, the failures, and the setbacks that we have no choice but to confront the situation in front of us and say, “What could I do differently here?” Building up your strengths then becomes a lifelong process of not knowing what the right next step is but aiming for it anyway. And far more often than not, what you tend to discover is that your greatest strengths are in areas where you never would have expected them to be.
So if you’re someone who’s awkward around others and you don’t really feel like there’s one thing in particular that you’re good at, find something you want to be good at, and look at all the activities that surround it. Let’s say, for example, you want to be someone who other people look up to—someone who is really smart, charming, funny, and popular. All of these things may seem like your biggest weaknesses if you’re not getting good grades, feel socially awkward around others, and get nervous when you talk to people. A pretty normal response might be to just envy the people who are where you want to be, to look at them and think that they have it all figured out, that they are living your dream, and you’re not moving through life at your full potential.
And while sometimes that may feel like the right way to think about it, it’s not taking in the full story. Because everyone has a story, and knowing more about someone’s story helps you piece together more and more how they got to where they want to be. First, try to observe them when they are around other people. Do they typically start conversations? How do they act when someone jokes around with them? How much focus do you see them dedicate to performing at the level at which they’re performing? Learning all this about someone else is a lot harder than just assuming they have it all figured out. But once we start to realize that every person gets to where they are by dedicating themselves to what they want, it should become more and more transparent that it’s just as possible for us to do the same.
What if, for example, there’s someone who is super attractive to the point where people are doing anything and everything for them? I know some of the first thoughts that would pop into my head are that they maybe are undeserving of the attention and care