My Dog, My Buddha. Kimberly Artley
level, addressing the beliefs and operating systems underlying our actions, reactions, and behaviors. The more we can bring ourselves into a healthy, more grounded space, the better our relationships will be: with others, our dogs, and ourselves.
A “mulligan” is a term widely used in golf to describe a “replay”. The golfer gets to take another shot without penalty.
In my mind, there’s no such thing as “failure” or “mistakes”; as these are gifts in disguise. “Teachable moments”. Opportunities to learn, grow, and begin again.
Of course, this depends greatly on the POV of the human and the lens through which he or she is viewing. We can view setbacks as exactly that, or choose a different perspective: acknowledging the lesson and readjusting our approach.
Dogs live in the moment and are always willing to rock a mulligan. In fact, it’s a confidence builder for them. Practice and repetition x 100. Doing something over and over again, getting better and better at it, eventually nailing it every time.
In a culture that encourages, celebrates, and pushes quick fixes, our level of patience has begun to deteriorate as our expectations have skyrocketed in terms of faster, bigger, better, and requiring little to no effort.
Dogs help us to keep it real, challenging us in ways only they can. Encouraging us to channel that lost art of patience and effort, as we work to create a symbiotic language and mutual understanding. To honor and respect the journey. The process of getting there.
If you’re working with your dog and his or her performance isn’t quite meeting your expectations, take a deep breath, flex your patience muscles, consider how you can help them understand you better through tweaking and adjusting your approach, and give the gift of the almighty mulligan (both to yourself and your pup).
After all… isn’t life but a string of mulligans?
In other words, what we nurture, and pour our energy and focus into, we create more of.
Any state of mind we give affection to, we are approving, reinforcing, and encouraging more of.
It’s human nature to want to comfort someone when they’re feeling sad, angry, lost or afraid. We hug, hold hands, pat them on the back and tell them it’s going to be okay. We comfort them through touch and soothing words, giving them warmth and a sense of hope. But … dogs are not humans. Canines are not primates. There’s a difference in our psychology, how we operate, and how we take in and process information. When we counteract nature by treating our dogs as if they were human, we create imbalance, insecurity, confusion, and instability.
So, what do we do when our dogs are feeling fearful, insecure, nervous or unsure?
- Advocate, but don’t coddle. Provide a safe space to learn the value and skill of self soothing. This way, our dog’s emotional state doesn’t become dependent on our presence.
- Redirect their attention to their favorite activity or begin working on basic obedience commands. If we’re consistent with this every time a thunderstorm rolls around, our pup may actually begin associating thunderstorms with “FUN ACTIVITY TIME!” and get excited for it.
- Set up structured scenarios that trigger fear, insecurity, and uncertainty in your pup and slowly, patiently work with them through it. For example, if bicycles are a trigger, recruit a biker and work with the dog in a safe, controlled setting. The goal is to help the dog develop a new, more positive association with whatever sets him or her off. The only way to overcome fear is to lean directly into and move through it.
Like diet and nutrition, there’s no “one size fits all” solution to behavioral issues. Behavior itself is layered and contextual, and (thankfully) there are several approaches we can take to help dogs work through their fears, discomforts, and uncertainties.
Keep in mind, though; in order to train thy dog, we must know thy dog. Know what excites, motivates, drives, and triggers. This is knowledge that can only be gained through spending quality time with our dog. Every dog deserves this from their human.
The importance of moving forward.
Dogs live in the moment. They’re fully present in every scenario. Humans, on the other hand, typically live in the past or in the future. It’s a conscious effort for us to be fully present and in the moment.
Moving forward is a practice and a choice we make.
Here’s a common scenario: a woman and her dog are out for a walk. In the past, this dog has lunged, barked, and put on quite a show every time another dog is encountered. Now, as soon as she sees a dog approaching, she tightens up, gets a kung-fu grip on the leash, her heart rate quickens, and she braces for the inevitable. She starts looking for exit strategies and alternative routes. Cars to duck behind. No luck. So she moves off to the side and puts Fido in a “Sit”. The other dog gets closer, and Fido loses it. Just as she expected.
I get it, I’ve been there before. It’s not a fun place, for the person or the dog. But let’s try it another way.
Mulligan: A woman has a dog-reactive dog and they’re out for a walk. In the past, this dog has lunged, barked, and put on quite a show every time another dog is encountered. She quickly detaches from the past, and stays fully present. A new outcome could happen, if she simply releases the story and shifts her focus. She knows this now. She begins to envision walking by the other dog with no issues, no displays. She’s breathing deeply, she’s calm, and feeling oh-so confident. The leash is short, but not tight or tense. Her arm is long and relaxed, head is held high, shoulders are down and back. Fido is saying to himself, “Oh, okay. My human’s got it. Well, this is new. I like it. I think I’ll go with it.” She’s going in, and cool as a cucumber.
Fido may begin to revert back to his usual patterned way of behaving; but each time this gets consistently practiced, his reactions become less and less intense as a new story is being written. He’s not in a “Sit”, a stationary position where his only option is to hyper-focus and fixate on the oncoming dog (trigger). Both human and dog are moving forward and through the obstacle together. Both becoming more confident and more trusting in one other. Fido feels his human asserting herself and guiding him through this usually hairy situation in a far different manner; and the human starts to see
Fido in a new light as he’s making different choices and practicing a different behavior as a result of this guidance.
Moving forward is always better than staying still. Detachment is liberating, whereas attachment can be quite stifling when it comes to behavior.
To move forward is to release the story.
Humans tend to cling to a “story” when it involves dogs, fueling and feeding them with emotion. This