Say It Now. Sherry Richert Belul
out of nothing is one of the most exciting things about being a human. It is enlivening. It is fun. It will help you learn new things about who you are and how you are. You’ll begin to notice strange synchronicities, and ideas will pop in out of nowhere. Let me repeat: this is fun. You have time for this because you are someone who will dedicate time to it because you value relationships, including your relationship with yourself and your creative life.
“I’m not creative.”
Bah. Everyone is creative. It’s just who and how we are. We are wired to connect the dots around us, to be sparked by things we see or hear, to imagine new things, to create new things.
Every day, in a thousand ways, we are creating. It’s just that we may not always be conscious or intentional about it. When you think about what you want to have for dinner, and then you go get the ingredients and cook that dinner, you are creating. You might add in chili flakes or avocado because that sounds like it would be good. More creativity! You may be talking to a friend and suddenly get an idea about her soap business, and she’s ecstatic. Maybe when you’re dressing to go to the movie with your honey, you throw on that Italian scarf at the last minute, thinking it will add a little flair. These, my friend, are all creative moments.
There is no such thing as a person who is not creative.
“This feels too vulnerable.”
You may set aside the time and look forward to using your creativity. Then ol’ Squawky Polly whispers, “This feels too weird. Maybe it would be better to buy her a sweater.” Don’t believe it.
Yes, making a heartfelt gift might feel weird. That’s okay. There is nothing wrong with weird. Just think of it as your heart pushing up against a wall, trying to grow a little bigger. It might feel uncomfortable, like something is wrong. But if you breathe into it and remind yourself that what you are doing is expanding the container for love, that might help.
Also, it is important to remember that we are living in a society that sometimes values safety over everything else. What if you were the person who stepped out of that safety zone in order to live a life that feels more vital and Technicolor? What if you inspired others to do so by your own courage?
Believe me, this is worth the feeling of vulnerability.
How to Present Your Gift Once It’s Ready
“Once I’ve created my special letter or gift, how should I ‘present’ it to my mom or dad or friend or special someone? Should I just hand it to them? Hide it in their room? Mail it? What should I doooo?”
This is a surprisingly common question that lots of folks ask me!
Here are my tips:
Wrapping
You’ve gone to a lot of effort to think of and create a unique gift. I hope you’ll spend just a wee bit more time thinking about how to present the gift in a thoughtful way!
Presentation is important in that it kind of sets the tone for the gift receiver. It’s like when you decorate a room for a party or add flourishes to a cake. It says, “Hey, something special is happening here; don’t miss it!” It sets an anticipatory tone of delight.
So if your gift is something tangible, please don’t wrap your well-thought-out gift in wrinkled brown paper or regifted tissue paper. Make it as special as the gift.
Wrapping doesn’t have to be expensive. Be creative by visiting craft or thrift stores and seeing what fun finds can house your next gifts.
Let the presentation of your gift be a part of the gift, not an afterthought!
Timing
Consider the timing of your gift. Even the best gift in the world won’t be well received if she’s given it while she’s in the middle of cooking dinner for twelve people or while you’re in a loud, crowded place.
Make sure the recipient is able to fully focus on your gift. If it is ultra-personal, consider whether this is something you want to present with a lot of other people around or if it would be better one-on-one.
You can give the recipient a heads-up by saying something like, “I wanted to give you this during your party, but feel free to wait and read it later when you’re alone.” Or, “Hey, wanted you to have this now, but it might make your mascara run when you cry from joy, so I won’t be offended it you wait and open it later!”
What If They Don’t Like It?
You’ve created an amazing this-is-the-best-gift-ever kind of gift. You’ve presented it in a way that suits the person you are gifting and that gives the perfect weight and significance to the gift.
What if the unimaginable happens?
What if they don’t like it?
If you are old enough to be reading this book, then you are likely old enough to know that there are never any guarantees in life. It’s just the way it is. We could pour all our love and creativity into the perfect gift for someone, and yet when they open it, their face falls.
Whaaaaat? You might be thinking, “No way am I going to risk that,” as you reach for the Crate & Barrel catalog on your desk.
Listen, one of my favorite things is to remember is that a gift or a present is an item given to someone without the expectation of payment or return.
If we’re giving gifts, we are not expecting anything in return. And that includes gushing gratitude, happy exclamations, big hugs, or gosh-this-is-the-best-gift-evers.
But wait. Don’t throw this book down and walk away muttering just yet.
In my experience, 99 percent of the time these kinds of gifts are received with gushing exclamations, tears of joy, and “I-can’t-believe-you-did-this-for-me’s.” I could tell you hundreds and hundreds of stories about how these gifts have been the absolute perfect thing at the perfect time. I could tell you stories of oceans of happy tears. I can tell you about relationships that have been healed because of these kinds of say-it-now gifts. I could tell you of all the times someone has given a loving gift like this and it has meant the world to their loved one—and then that loved one has then unexpectedly died soon after, making it even more meaningful.
But, every once in a while, there might be something going on for the gift recipient that keeps her from receiving or loving your gift.
Here’s an example. When I first met my beau, Ian, we went to out to hear some live music together. It was Gypsy Jazz, flavored with swing. Couples were dancing all around us. I confessed to Ian that I’d always wanted to learn how to dance but that I was too clumsy, all left feet.
Ian offered to take dance lessons with me. He was extraordinarily patient and really made an effort to make our lessons fun. I was thrilled that we were doing this together, but deep inside, I was also mortified every time we went to class. Ian has a natural talent for dance, and he is incredibly comfortable in his body. Having spent most of my earlier life trying to check out any way I could, I was disconnected from my body. Dancing was such a draw, but it was also foreign to me. I was in my head too much and not able to feel the music. It was very awkward!
I didn’t let on to Ian the extent of this discomfort. Our relationship was still so new, and I longed to be the kind of woman I thought he deserved—and that was someone who was spontaneous and at ease in her body, not a forty-year-old woman who felt like she was a gawky nine-year-old.
Here’s where that all met the moment of a perfect gift: one morning after I had spent the night at Ian’s house, he and I walked to a nearby café to have breakfast. When we returned to his house, there was a surprise waiting for me. Ian had arranged for three musician friends to come to his house and play swing music for us in his apartment so we could dance.
He’d even had them set up some beautiful trays of food and wine for us. There were my favorite multicolored roses, the ones with half rose and half gold that look