Above and Beyond. J.S. Dorian
January 31
“Even if it is to be, what end do you serve by running to meet distress?”
SENECA
During my first week of recovery from alcoholism I was befriended by a man who had been sober for many years. He urged me to write out a list of my heart’s deepest desires, and suggested that I not look at it for at least a year. He said that when I eventually did read the list I would discover that I had greatly short-changed myself; he predicted that the rewards of sobriety would be far greater than anything I could have imagined in those shaky early days. I wish I had drawn up a different kind of list in more recent years; one detailing each fear, worry, and dire projection concerning my various illnesses. That list, too, would be dramatically revealing a year or so down the line.
It would highlight my tendency to torment myself unnecessarily. It would show that most of my fears have nothing to do with the reality of the present and have everything to do with anticipation of the future.
The list would further demonstrate that things rarely turn out as badly as I imagine they will. And it would clearly show that negative thoughts about the future bring unnecessary pain into the present.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Fear is the darkroom where all my negatives are developed.
February 1
“When one is rising, standing, walking, doing something, stopping, one should constantly concentrate one’s mind on the act and the doing of it, not on ones’ relation to the act or tis character or value.”
ASHVAGOSHA
You have known for a long time that meditation is not only good for the soul but for the physical body as well. Until recently, you followed a comfortable routine, returning day after day to a quiet area where you were able to sit almost motionless for thirty minutes or more at a time, still your mind, and open yourself up to a new awareness. Lately, however, you haven’t been able to sit still or remain inactive long enough to meditate in that same way.
You might want to try walking meditation. The very act of walking will allow you to channel your thoughts, providing an array of repetitive motions and sensations on which to focus your mind. There is the measured swing of your arms, the weight shift of your body, the sensations and pressures in your legs as they contact the ground, and, of course, there is the steady rhythm of your breathing.
Then, too, walking will put you in touch with your own life force, always providing something new to see, to hear, to touch, or to smell. Walking, and the meditation that becomes part of it, will sharpen your appreciation of the world around you and inside of you.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
There are no boundaries or rules for meditation.
February 2
“The spirit is the true self, not that physical figure that can be pointed out by your finger.”
CICERO
It has been said that illness redefines us. Indeed, I do get the feeling at times that my illness has taken me over; that I have become the illness and it has become me. It’s hard not to actually believe that I am no longer myself.
Even though such feelings are occasionally strong and persistent, it’s important for me to remember that they most certainly do not reflect reality. To the contrary, no matter how sick I am, and no matter whether my health improves or declines, I am always myself. My body may change, but my personality, soul, and spiritual core remain as before.
This is not to say that illness hasn’t affected my life. It has altered my routines and activities, my relationships, and, of course, the way I feel and think. But deep inside, I am still me.
When I sometimes become demoralized and forget who I am, and what it feels like to be healthy—when I feel that I am again slipping away—I remind myself of an unchanging and comforting reality: In the eyes of my friends and loved ones, and especially in the eyes of God, I remain the same.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
I am not my illness.
February 3
“There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it hardly behooves any of us, To talk about the rest of us.”
EDWARD WALLIS HOCH
Every once in a while a pharmaceutical drug is taken off the market because of previously unrecognized (or unacknowledged) toxic side effects. Indeed, at one time or another, many of us have had adverse reactions to even the “safest” of drugs.
Negative attitudes can affect us in the same way. Those of us with chronic illness can be “poisoned” when we indulge in even the smallest of doses.
Few attitudes are more toxic than judgmentalism. We indulge by surreptitiously sniping at other people’s decisions, lifestyles, appearances, and the like.
We may feel that we’re just “making sport” when we’re judgmental in these ways, or that our judgments give us an edge of superiority. But what we’re really doing is harming ourselves. This character defect keeps us in a highly stressful state, sending our body’s immune system a powerful stream of debilitating messages. Moreover, judgmentalism detours us away from our goals of wellness, spiritual growth, and inner peace.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
My negative judgments affect me negatively.
February 4
“We every day and every hour say things of another that we might more properly say of ourselves.”
MICHEL EYQUEM DE MONTAIGNE
It may be difficult to prove scientifically, but many of us know from experience that constant negativity—judgmentalism in particular—weakens our immune system. Moreover, when we unrestrainedly judge others, we tend to feel that we are being judged in the same ways. As a result, we spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of us and we become painfully self-conscious and self-critical. Judgmentalism keeps us angry, afraid, and alienated.
It’s easy to say that we’ll turn over a new leaf to overcome judgmentalism, but the process takes commitment, effort, and discipline. Over time, we can gradually retrain our minds to notice and appreciate the goodness in others rather than their faults; to focus on the positive instead of the negative; and to be less cynical and more tolerant.
We can also acknowledge that the flaws we see and criticize in others are probably the same traits that we dislike in ourselves. At the same time we can concentrate on our spiritual goals, reminding ourselves regularly that God loves each and every one of us unconditionally. And we can strive to live in that same spirit, as we believe He would have us live.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Judgmentalism leaves no room for healing and growth.
February 5
“know thyself.”
INSCRIPTION ON THE TEMPLE TO APOLLO AT DELPHI
Many spiritual philosophies describe a special part of a person called