Meditations for Pain Recovery. Tony Greco
Honesty is continuously required of me in my twelve-step work— otherwise the steps do not work.
Honesty, and my perception of its meaning, continues to evolve as I grow in pain recovery. The truth sets me free of my pain. In chronic pain and active addiction, those around me expected me to lie about how I was feeling to get what I needed. In recovery, those around me expect me to be honest about how I’m feeling and what I’m doing to get what I need.
I view honesty as a way to keep my mind, body, and spirit clear and free. I no longer view honesty as a duty, but an opportunity for growth. I welcome the expectation of honesty from those who support me in pain recovery.
COMMITMENT
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“Help me appreciate the rewards in my life that flow from my commitments.”
Of Character: Building Assets in Recovery
There are days when my physical pain is small compared to the emotional pain I experience when I contemplate that I might feel physical pain for the rest of my life. Some days it seems the tears will not stop, but only because I am caught in the trap of believing that what I’m experiencing now is what I’ll experience forever… and forever seems like an unbearably long time.
Thinking this way keeps me mired in self-pity, which is simply another manifestation of the selfishness I’ve learned is the root of my problem. But how to get out of this self-pitying trap when my physical and emotional pain seem to stretch in every direction I can see? There is one way that never fails: helping or working with others. I make a commitment to helping another person or group. I agree to be a greeter at my home group or to read recovery literature with a newcomer, and I keep my commitment. Soon my “pity party” is over and I don’t even realize how it happened. Commitment is the key to service.
Sometimes it’s hard to think about a future without pain; thinking about the future at all seems to bring thoughts that are hard to shake. The solution I’ve found is to focus on helping another person today, and I remain committed to my program of recovery.
COURAGE
SPIRITUAL BALANCE
“Courage conquers all things; it even gives strength to the body.”
Roman proverb
Recovery takes courage. Disagreeing with my doctor and saying, “No, I don’t want any more pain medicine,” or telling my still-using friends I no longer want to hang out with them and get loaded takes courage. All of these things require tremendous courage on the part of a person in recovery.
It is during these difficult times that I ask my higher power to give me the strength to do what needs be done for my recovery. I draw strength from my family or others in recovery who have walked the path before me; knowing that they can do it gives me the courage I need to do it, too.
I find the longer I am in recovery, the more I apply my program, the deeper I discover a wealth of courage I never knew I had. Recovery is simple, but not easy. My recovery fellowship, my sponsor, and my higher power all give me the courage I need to work my program every day.
FORGIVENESS
EMOTIONAL BALANCE
“To hold on to resentments or grudges without forgiveness hurts only the one who holds them.”
Recovery A to Z: A Handbook of Twelve-Step Key Terms and Phrases
Sometimes it’s hard to accept my chronic pain. Sometimes I actually blame myself for my pain; I need to forgive myself for feeling the pain I sometimes feel.
It’s as if, in my dreams, I envisioned having a child who would play ball, run, and climb, but instead I have one who cannot do such things. Would I judge such a child harshly for what he or she couldn’t do, or would I celebrate and praise him or her for the things that he or she could accomplish? Part of physical forgiveness is finding, creating, and maintaining habits that are within the bounds of what my body can do, and doing those things as a way to show forgiveness toward myself. If the things I can do today are not the things I was able to do in the past, so be it. I forgive myself for my disabilities today, and celebrate my abilities with gratitude.
I love myself enough today, the way I would a small child. I forgive my broken body and ask it to forgive me for all the times I haven’t taken care of it as well as I could have. Today, I do what I can, and I am grateful. I take care of my body today, as I would a small child.
GRIEF
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“The cure for grief is motion.”
Elbert Hubbard
Grief can happen weeks, months, even years after I experience a loss. It can even come, seemingly, when I am in the middle of doing everything I need to be doing for my recovery. It may come out of nowhere and strike so suddenly that I don’t have time to put up a defense against it. I can stand still and wonder what happened, getting lost in the feeling, or I can keep walking forward, literally as well as figuratively, making myself move, exercise, and walk, putting one foot in front of the other, in my program of recovery and in my physical life as well. I do this and trust that over time, through action, therapy, sponsorship, meeting attendance, and writing/working steps, as well as through prayer and meditation, the feelings of grief will be lifted, as long as I continue to work my program of recovery.
I handle my feelings of grief today, even when I’m not sure of their cause, by focusing on the four points of balance. I don’t let my feelings of grief affect my physical balance—I do what needs to be done so I can reveal, discover, and heal.
SERENITY
PHYSICAL BALANCE
“Maintaining balance in your physical life entails continuous monitoring, but not judgment, about your state of nutrition, energy, exercise patterns, and ingestion of toxins. Maintaining physical balance involves monitoring your body as well as emotions associated with your body.”
Adapted from Pain Recovery: How to Find Balance and Reduce Suffering from Chronic Pain
Serenity is directly connected to my physical body and my habits. I make a habit of taking care of my body by doing yoga, stretching, going for a walk, or exercising in ways that work for me, based on the help and counsel of my physical therapist or a doctor who is familiar with my physical condition. If I’m not feeling particularly serene in pain recovery, chances are I’m neglecting some of my healthy physical habits—I’m not taking care of myself. When this happens, my serenity is usually the first thing to go, followed quickly by my temper. But I can retrieve my serenity through working my program and reinforcing my healthy habits.
My level of serenity is directly connected to the physical habits I maintain today. Serenity itself is a healthy habit that requires I maintain my spiritual fitness.
CONTROL
EMOTIONAL