Murder in the Courthouse. Nancy Grace
was nearly 2 PM. Not at all her normal time to exercise, but Kacynthia Sikes was not about missing a workout.
Kacynthia speed-walked. Fists pumping, booty grinding, legs and back at unnatural, upright positions and she’d done it every single day for the last 814 days and was not about to stop now. At sixty-seven years of age, a very private number only her banker knew, Kacynthia was one of the very first Penthouse Pets back when Bob Guccione launched the magazine in the U.S. in 1969.
Her spread had been such a hit that six years later, he invited her back. The “1975 Kacynthia Sikes Pictorial,” as she chose to call it, was the first time ever that Penthouse had beaten Playboy on U.S. newsstands. She took sole credit for that.
Kacynthia was extremely proud of that particular piece of porn trivia. She often mentioned it whenever it fit appropriately (even remotely) into conversations, say, on the elevator at her East Gordon condo—shoehorned in just behind the house where the famed lyricist Johnny Mercer once lived—or in line at Kroger, or when getting her hair care products at Sally Beauty Supply. Basically . . . anywhere.
There would be no way Kacynthia Sikes (she often referred to herself in the third person) was going to let her body go to pot. Nor did she plan on spending time alone in her little condo. There was only one answer.
Speed walking. So every morning when she believed the most single “gentlemen” were up and about, possibly heading to the grocery store, the park, to work, out to breakfast, Kacynthia was ready. She arose early in the morning, well before seven, and carefully applied full makeup including eyeliner and individual false eyelashes, top and bottom.
Last in her regime, she combed out her long bottle-red hair, added a firm coat of Chanel Polo Red lipstick (some people thought redheads shouldn’t wear red, but Kacynthia disagreed vehemently), slipped on her golden-nude colored support leotard with matching leggings, and off she went.
She walked, perfectly poised, backbone straight as a flagpole, long red hair dangling down her back, all throughout Savannah’s business and historical districts. Yes, she was pushing seventy, but it only took one. One man. Life with a rich boyfriend would be a lot easier than life alone in her studio condo.
Kacynthia took the rules of speed walking to heart. The correct posture for power walking was very important as this helped Kacynthia with the task at hand, i.e., finding a man and keeping a tight butt at the same time. She worked hard to follow all the required steps she’d read about in her favorite magazine, Longevity.
Above all, Kacynthia had to stand straight up on her right foot, neither bending her back nor leaning forward in the least. She must always look directly ahead while walking and avoid looking downward. She kept her chin absolutely parallel to the ground, neither high nor low.
When walking, generally the hips rock from side to side, but in power walking, such swinging of the hips—no matter how provocative Kacynthia believed her hips to be—would ultimately slow her down. With elbows bent to ninety degrees and kept close to her body, she swung her arms forward, making sure they never crossed her chest. Never, never overstriding, Kacynthia concentrated on every step, dramatically rolling each foot forward, pushing off with her toes. Keeping all her moves synchronized was actually extremely complicated.
Today, however, Kacynthia was trying a revised tactic in her manhunt. The suburbs.
So having parked her baby-blue BMW along a curb in the Williamsburg subdivision, she set out walking, hoping against hope to meet a fellow exercise enthusiast of the opposite sex interested in a relationship with a former Penthouse Pet. He’d also need to have a big, fat bank account, or at least a low mortgage and full insurance coverage.
Several male drivers had in fact slowed down upon spotting Kacynthia strutting along the sidewalk bordering a long procession of three-bedroom, two-bath ranch houses. But they were mostly just puzzled at the shiny spandex legs and the long red hair combined with obvious breast implants. You didn’t get much of that in the Savannah suburbs.
The problem was that today was trash day, so she was winding her way through large green Herby Curby trash carts on wheels. All the ins and outs made for an incredible show, which was Kacynthia’s original intent, anyway.
Yet two hours into it, no one had even honked the horn or whistled at her. Plus, Kacynthia’s mascara was running. She didn’t have to see it; she could feel it. Her pink and green Maybelline Great Lash was the best, hands down. It glided on smoothly and gave her the “full lash look” she wanted without clumps or globs.
But unfortunately, Kacynthia opted against waterproof. And now she was sweating like a pig. Rivulets of mascara were running down the corners of her eyes. Mascara stains plus profuse sweating, both big no-nos when trying to attract men.
It was so darn hot! She was close to packing up, heading home, and forcing herself to forget men entirely.
It was then she spotted it. Or them. Legs. Sticking out from under a garage door.
Was this some macabre joke? Were those legs real? At least they were a man’s legs. Maybe it wasn’t all bad, after all.
Kacynthia took a few steps off the sidewalk toward the legs.
Was that blood?
It was blood and lots of it, surrounding the two legs in pale tan polyester slacks and dark shoes and socks.
“Sir?” No answer. She knelt down a little lower. “Sir?”
Whipping out her micro-cell tucked into the side of her bra, Kacynthia punched the digits 911.
“Savannah emergency dispatch. What’s your emergency?”
“Hello. This is Miss Kacynthia Sikes.” Even in times of emergency, she remembered to stress the “Miss” part.
“Repeat, ma’am?”
“Oh yes, it is me, the Kacynthia Sikes.”
“I’m not understanding you. Did you just say ‘the swimming pool bites’?”
“No, I did not say ‘the swimming pool bites.’ I clearly said I am the Kacynthia Sikes.”
“Oh. I heard you that time. Your name is Cindy Sikes.”
Kacynthia recoiled at the sound of her name so debased. “No. I am not Cindy Sikes . . . I am Miss Kacynthia Sikes. I’m sure you’ve heard of me. WSAV Channel 3 just did an in-depth one-on-one special on me? The eleven o’clock news? Repeated that following Sunday morning? It was a very highly anticipated special on me.”
“Did you just say somebody pulled a Saturday night special on you? You mean a .25 caliber semiautomatic? Somebody pulled a gun on you, Cindy? Where are you? I’m sending a patrol car right now. Where’s the assailant? Is he still there? What does he look like?”
“No!” Kacynthia’s frustration was mounting. “I was in no way attacked! There is no semiautomated . . . or . . . whatever it is you said. I said I was in a TV special about being a Penthouse Pet! Are you one of those phone reps from another country or are you just deaf and dumb?”
With the deaf and dumb comment, the dispatcher asked no more but stoically sent out a radio call message. “That’ll be a 24, en route.” Savannah police dispatch immediately changed the nature of the 911 call to a “24,” a crazy person.
“In any event, I see a pair of legs in a pool of what appears to be human blood and I’m just trying to report it.”
“Yes ma’am, what’s your location?”
“I’m in the Williamsburg residential community . . . I think . . . just one house down from the intersection of . . . uh . . .” Kacynthia knew her call would be recorded and possibly played back in future TV interviews featuring her, so she tried her best to articulate. Straining, she could barely make out the green street signs, but she did it. The thought of eyeglasses was never an option for Kacynthia.
Thank you, LASIK! she thought quickly before blurting out,