Everyone Loves You When You're Dead. Neil Strauss
Yeah, you need that release sometimes.
I think that’s part of the pop music tradition, to walk that line between innocence and sexuality.
AGUILERA: Sexuality is a part of how I perform onstage. It’s something that I’m playful with and flirt with, and that’s flirting with disaster sometimes. It’s just part of my nature and I can’t help that. I’m not crossing the border too much, yet. But . . .
But what?
AGUILERA: I just don’t think I can hide who I am much longer.
As the week passes and I travel with Aguilera to Toronto, where she’s rehearsing for a tour, her teeny-bopper façade begins to melt away and reveal something much more real and vulnerable. At dinner one night, while her band and dancers get drunk and rowdy, Aguilera sits quietly near the corner of the table, talking with her choreographer, Tina Landon. In her hotel room the next morning, she apologizes for her introverted behavior.
AGUILERA: Yesterday was a weird thing. I was in a bad mood about something that happened. I was pulled out of rehearsals, and I didn’t want to be. There was drama. I was talking with Tina about that—and about my love, my first love. I fell in love for the first time this year. I’m kinda like going through it.
That’s a great thing to experience.
AGUILERA: It’s crazy. I’ve never felt like that before. It’s a little bit scary. I’m used to being this independent chick like not even really thinking about boys, and all of a sudden—whoa—like, this guy takes over everything. Well, not everything. But my focus is suddenly about this guy. It’s made me vulnerable, and I don’t like to be that way. [. . .]
Do you think you’re experiencing it because you’re at an age now where you’re open to those feelings, or is it real chemistry with him?
AGUILERA: What do you mean chemistry?
When you’re drawn to this one person and they’re drawn to you, and there’s this electricity and you can’t logically figure out why.
AGUILERA: Yeah, it’s like, why am I so crazy over this person? It’s so crazy, so crazy. It’s beautiful. It’s tough, though, to really maintain a relationship while doing what I’m doing. You have to deal with his insecurities about who I am and all the I’m not good enough ideas in his head, which don’t matter to me at all.
At least it’s a person from the normal world.
AGUILERA: Are you saying it’s not someone in the business?
I’m saying it’s not a pop star. It’s someone who works for you.
AGUILERA: How did you know?13 [. . .]
Do you have dreams about him?
AGUILERA: Ooh, I’ve been dreaming some weird stuff. I dreamt that I had just come back from a trip to some foreign country and he left a message on my phone for this other girl. He didn’t even know it. It was like he pressed speed dial and it went to the wrong number. And he’s all like, “I’m really feeling you now and I miss you and I love you.” And he was really pouring his heart out to this girl and it was not supposed to be for me. I woke up and I cried. I haven’t cried over a dream since I was like . . . in years.
Did you tell him about it?
AGUILERA: I didn’t tell him about it.
You should, because then he’d know that you have insecurities too.
AGUILERA: I’m going to tell him.
Fifteen minutes later, in the midst of discussing how she was upset that she didn’t get writing credit for her breakthrough hit “Genie in a Bottle,” she blurts out of the blue . . .
AGUILERA: Let me ask you one question: Who do you think is the cutest one of my dancers?
Girl or guy?
AGUILERA: Guy. Just out of curiosity.
I don’t know. All your dancers have great energy.
As we discuss her dancers, she begins to get impatient, until . . .
AGUILERA: What about Jorge?
He’s cool. He’s got a good body.
AGUILERA: I think it’s interesting to hear other people’s opinions.
She leans back in the couch, satisfied she’s covered that one up pretty well.
[Continued . . .]
I talked to a number of people who’ve worked with you in the past, and I wanted to get your reaction to some of the things they said.
BEN STILLER: Uh-oh. Okay.
One of the former writers on The Ben Stiller Show said there was a joke among the writers that if they wanted to make sure their sketch would be used, they included a scene with you taking off your shirt. Have you ever heard that?
STILLER: Oh my God, no. Jesus Christ . . .
Was that not true?
STILLER: You’re not going to tell me what writer said that, of course. I have no response to that, but they were probably right. That’s great.
Someone else you worked with described you as competitive and afraid of failure.
STILLER: I’ve obviously failed at that. I don’t know if fear of failure is necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand, the ultimate fear of failure would be paralysis and not doing anything. I guess somehow if that’s there, which I’m sure it definitely is, I don’t want that to be what stops me from trying something.
“Micromanager” was another word that came up a lot.
STILLER: That’s one of the hard things. I’m working on it. I’ve attempted to micromanage many things. And I feel like I’m in a place where I know that’s not bringing me happiness. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and too tired to do it all. [. . .]
People also say that you’re one of the hardest working people they know, that work is an addiction for you.
STILLER: The first part of getting rid of an addiction is acknowledging that you have it, and I acknowledge that I enjoy working. I think anyone that’s kicked heroin will tell you they enjoyed it until they realized it was screwing up their life. I haven’t hit my bottom yet. But I’ve gotten to a place where I realized it’s out of balance, and I’ve adjusted that. The area of my life that I have no question about is my commitment to my family and how much I love my family. And I think that’s the implication when people ask, “Oh, why do you work so much?”
They didn’t say it as a judgment like that. But maybe your perspective comes from being raised by parents who were entertainers and not around a lot.
STILLER: It’s all valid stuff. I grew up with parents who needed to work to take care of their family and also enjoyed working, too. They were great parents and also weren’t perfect parents. I’m all of those things, too.