The Rules of the Game. Neil Strauss
if your colleagues tune out halfway through your presentations, you just may have a monotone voice.
Here’s an excerpt from a children’s short story. Read it out loud into your audio recorder now:
Leopold Elfin had a problem: His nose whistled. He couldn’t help it. Every time he breathed through his nose, out came a note. Not the quiet hiss that occasionally issues from the hoary nostrils of men three times his age, but a loud, shrill shriek like a crossing guard blowing for traffic to stop. Leopold was well aware of this problem, but he’d never been to see a doctor, figuring it was more a matter of anatomy than medicine. Maybe it was his pinched septum, his narrow oval nostrils, or the crook at the bridge of his nose that was responsible for his one social impropriety.
Now play back the recording. If possible, listen to it with a friend or family member to get a more objective opinion.
Do you have a dynamic storytelling voice, the kind that sucks listeners into the world you’re describing? Or do you have a monotone voice, the kind that listeners tend to tune out?
If it’s the latter, then turn on the television. Find a male host, comedian, or other broadcaster with a dynamic voice that you like. Listen to him speak. Pay attention to every detail and nuance that make his voice compelling. Notice how he is present in the material, how his voice rings with energy, warmth, and immediacy.
Next, try repeating what he says, using exactly his words, tone, and style.
When you feel you’re able to convey a few of his engaging qualities, go back to the story excerpt. Read it again into the recorder, using the techniques you just learned. Experiment with changing the volume, pitch, speed, timbre, rhythm, and flow of your voice as you read. Try emphasizing different words; creating pauses where they don’t normally belong; shortening or elongating words; and speaking in different voices and accents. Read the excerpt several times, and don’t be afraid to get silly if it helps you break through your limitations.
When you’re finished, read the paragraph once more. This time, imagine you’re recording a book on tape for children. Compare this new version to your original version—and discover the great storyteller lurking inside you.
PROBLEM: Statements that Sound like Questions
SOLUTION: Sit down, pull out your trusty recorder, and place it in front of you.
For your final vocal exercise, imagine that the audio recorder is your friend. And this friend of yours doesn’t like fish. Your goal is to convince him to try sushi with you tonight.
When you’re finished, play back the recording. Listen carefully. Does your voice rise in pitch at the end of any declarative sentences?
If it does, you’ll notice that your statements sound like questions. And that makes you seem unsure of yourself.
Persuasive speakers end their sentences—and their argument—conclusively.
If your statements end in a higher pitch than they started, record the same speech again. This time, be firm. Instead of asking questions that beg for affirmation, make definitive statements that demonstrate your conviction. And make sure that the speech itself doesn’t trail off into extraneous blather and repetition but instead comes to a definite and powerful conclusion. Sound like you know what you’re talking about and believe every word you say. Even if you don’t happen to like sushi.
When you have this mastered, you’re done.
Congratulations.
However, just because you were able to identify and correct these five major vocal mistakes today doesn’t mean the problem is solved for good. Revisit these exercises twice a week. And whenever you’re in conversation, monitor your posture, breathing, and speech. If you catch yourself backsliding, correct yourself immediately. Before long, you’ll not only have women hanging on your every word, you’ll have your own radio talk show.
DAY
MISSION 1: Hit the Showers
As soon as you wake up, put on your favorite upbeat music and play it loud. Shower, shampoo, and soap thoroughly. Wash twice if you want. And . . . don’t masturbate today, if you’re prone to doing so.
Put something scented on your body: moisturizer, talcum powder, or a light spritz of cologne. Gargle with mouthwash. Whatever makes you feel and smell good.
Then shave your face clean (preserving any preexisting mustache, beard, or goatee). Make sure you shave or tweeze any stray places where you sprout hair—your ears, nostrils, the back of your neck.
Put on clean, well-fitting clothing. You should feel like a million dollars.
Now look at yourself in the mirror and read the following to yourself:
“You are amazing. People love you and respect you. You radiate charisma, charm, and grace. You stand out from everyone around you. Talking to you is a privilege. And you deserve the best the world has to offer. It’s all there out there, waiting for you.”
Read it as many times as it takes—say it out loud if you have to—until you truly feel and embody it.
Now hold on to that feeling . . .
MISSION 2: Ask an Expert
What you experienced in the previous mission is a simple ritual that helps many men enter a state of increased confidence, positivity, and unassailability. Take a moment to develop your own ritual to pump yourself up before going out to meet women. It may involve exercising, cleaning, repeating affirmations, reading something inspirational, replaying previous successes in your mind, blasting your favorite music, singing, showering, dancing, calling someone who makes you laugh, or any combination of the above.
This is the first day you’re going to meet women you could possibly date. You should make these approaches at the earliest possible opportunity after leaving the house clean, well shaven, and feeling good about yourself.
Your mission: Ask three women to recommend a cool local clothing store that carries menswear. Your mission is complete once you’ve approached three women and received one clothing store recommendation. (In other words, if you approach three women and you get a clothing store suggestion, you’re done. If you approach three women and you don’t get a clothing store recommendation, keep asking until you do.)
When you get a recommendation, write down the name of the store, and the location if she knows it. Make sure you keep the name and location handy.
Here are a few tips:
Approach women who seem like they live in town and have a cool sense of style.
If you’re talking to people in the street, don’t approach them from behind, which can be startling. Either approach them from the front, or walk ahead of them and turn your head back over your shoulder as you keep walking. They’ll feel even more comfortable if you increase the distance as you walk, as if you have somewhere to be. You may also approach in cafés, shopping malls, or wherever you’re comfortable.
Be aware that only about 1 in 3 women will be able to think of a store right away. Some people go blank when put on the spot.
As soon as she answers, even if it’s just to say “I don’t know,” you’ve made your approach. Tell her “Thanks for your help” (or “Thanks anyway” if she doesn’t have any ideas) and leave if you want. Or continue the interaction. The choice is yours.
Good luck.
MISSION 3: Stand Up Straight
Before you even open your mouth, a woman has formed an initial impression of you. And that impression is based largely on your body language. Today you’re going to learn to carry yourself with confidence through a simple posture exercise known as