Nightlife [Confidential] Volume 1. Ivan Boone's Lim
![Nightlife [Confidential] Volume 1 - Ivan Boone's Lim](limg_read695671.jpg "Nightlife [Confidential] Volume 1 - Ivan Boone's Lim")
but distant if they don’t. However, be careful not to confuse a Hipster with a poorly-dressed pseudo-intellectual, especially after you’ve had a few drinks.
The latter is awkward, becomes difficult to shake off once you say “hello”, and thinks that your buying drinks for him is payment for his scintillating company.
The Novice
They’re very young, possibly underaged, and very new to the drinking game. Their lack of experience with alcohol results in their succumbing to its effects very early on in the night. Male or female, you can see them sprawled beside a revolting pool of fluid outside big venues. They are usually surrounded by a group of friends trying to revive them or by a friend designated to make sure someone picks up their remains.
All too often, these are kids who get loaded on liquor obtained from a convenience store rather than from the premises they’d emerged from drunk. What often happens is they get overzealous about getting pre-loaded, so the first drink at a club ends their night even before they get started.
The Poseur
Quite simply, he pretends to be what he isn’t, or more important than what he actually is. He could be a clerk in a multi-national company (I’ve nothing against clerks, they’re essential to the running of some companies) but he may pretend to be a top-level executive.
Not that you can’t see through his ruse, but asking him for his namecard is giving him more attention than he deserves.
The Talent
These are the pretty girls (and sometimes guys) in uniform you see at a club during a promotional event. They are hired to promote whatever the event is promoting, and are properly styled to look the part. Sometimes, a liquor company may just hire these talents as sales promoters on a regular night.
Whichever the case, you’re welcome to have a chat with them. But do bear in mind you’re meeting them on a night when they’re properly styled, so they could look quite different in daylight.
The Musician/Performer
These are the people who dress slightly differently from the rest of the crowd.
They have to, as they are singers, instrumentalists, dancers or DJs and their rightful place is on the stage. Should you see them at the bar, they’re probably on a break before their next set, or have been instructed to socialise with the patrons.
Some are extremely popular, possibly on account of their technical proficiency or simply because they’re very pretty or handsome.
The Player
Almost always stylishly dressed and annoyingly vain, the player will look at his quarry with love in his eyes and give her the impression that she means the world to him. He’ll ask question after question, but do not be deceived – he isn’t really concerned or interested, he’s just researching his female prey so he can quickly corner her for the kill.
The Dirty Old Man
They look like your grandfather but behave like your younger brother, and some are deluded enough to think you’d be interested in playing a game of guessing their age.
Not all old dudes at nightspots are Dirty Old Men, though. Most are just old. But you can tell one from the amount of flirting he does, especially with females who look at least young enough to be his daughter.
The Bitch
She could look completely innocent to the guys but most girls in her circle would know that she’d readily slag off every girl in the building to any guy who would care to sit a moment with her. And there would be many of such suckers.
Bear in mind, especially if you’re a guy, that she could just as easily slag you off if she finds another guy more attractive to her than you.
The Free-Loader
It is well-nigh impossible to tell a free-loader at a first meeting, as they can look anything from a very well-bred individual to a pauper. They will know exactly where to be when drinks are being served, but will be the furthest from the waiter when the bill is presented. I once had a little fun with one of these when the bill was presented.
For some reason, the waiters always approach me. By then, Solo Free-loader was between a couple of friends in the group, thinking he was safe. I pointed him out to the waitress to send the bill to him and when she did, the look on his face was priceless.
WHAT TO DO ON A NIGHT OUT
A very mild-mannered auntie once asked me why people enjoyed going out drinking.
Some do it to unwind after a tough day at the office, while for others, they enjoy a drink and a night out can be a lot of fun, I replied, expecting to be dismissed after that.
“What can be so fun about clubbing?” demanded Auntie, who clearly did not approve of a night out in town.
“You get to hang out with friends, listen to music together, dance, be entertained, let your hair down, and laugh a lot,” I said.
“But everyone is drunk and they are all very smelly because they all smoke,” she insisted. Auntie had never been quite so aggressive before, and it made me wonder where she hung out when she was younger.
“Not everybody’s drunk. We enjoy fine wines, excellent spirits, expensive cocktails and some of us like a lot of beer, but we’re mostly pleasantly and suitably intoxicated and rarely drunk. And not all of us smoke. Even if some of us did, there are designated smoking rooms which are usually very well ventilated so we don’t all smell like ashtrays after stepping out,” I explained.
Auntie looked thoughtful for a moment, and I wondered whether it was the “excellent spirits” or “well-ventilated smoking rooms” that had captured her imagination.
I added. “In any case, I think going out with friends for a drink is a lot more fun than staying at home to watch TV.”
And regretted instantly. I had not meant to be rude, patronising or insensitive, but I suspect staying at home to watch TV is the only entertainment she’s getting these days.
So I said, “I cannot say exactly what it is that people like about going out. It could be to get drunk. It may be just be to hang out with friends. Or perhaps they like dancing, or live entertainment. It could also be a combination of all or a few of these.”
Auntie nodded quietly. She was back to being the mild-mannered person I had been so used to.
“Yup, I really cannot explain it satisfactorily, and you have to actually go out to see, feel, experience and enjoy it yourself to understand it. Would you like to join Cara and I when we are out on a weekend? I’m sure I can find a place where you and uncle can feel absolutely comfortable,” I offered.
“No lah!” she declined instantly, waving her hands in front of her. “You young people go and enjoy yourselves, I’ll stay home and watch TV.”
Auntie never brought up the matter of clubbing again.
Shortly after that episode, I invited a young friend of mine out. She responded, almost with contempt, “I don’t club.”
A straightforward “no” would very well have sufficed, but she said it as if going out post-sunset – in Sunny Singapore – was a bad and dangerous thing to do.
Now I’ve had friends who have led very balanced and somewhat interesting lives without ever having seen the inside of a nightspot. Their doctors tell me they are doing quite well, but here was a youngster who, perhaps on account of a religious persuasion (she once scowled when I said the inspiration for my long hair was from Western artistic depictions of her theological messiah and not the hippy culture of the 1960s as she had suggested), actually believed that going out was – *gasp* – evil.
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