Born-Again Marriage. Dr. Bonnie Psy.D. Libhart
2. State the problem:
3. Define it more specifically (our marriage isn’t so great; we take each other for granted, etc.)
4. List all possible solutions (spend 10 minutes.)
5. Pick the best solution.
6. Set up your number one priority and move forward.
Yes, it is scary, BUT YOU CAN DO IT. You’ll be given a chance to make a promise to yourself starting today.
ANALYSIS-ACTION
Part Two
Chrysalis Stage
Her Analysis
MARRIAGE
| Negative | Positive |
| 1.Flirts with other women | 2.Brings home check |
| 3.Doesn’t laugh or have fun with me | 4.Works hard |
(Now list your own analysis of your marriage. Use more sheets if necessary, and see how good it feels to have it out in the open.)
| 1. | 1. |
| 2. | 2. |
| 3 | 3. |
| 4. | 4. |
| 5. | 5. |
| 6. | 6. |
| 7. | 7. |
ANALYSIS-ACTION
Part Two
Chrysalis Stage
His Analysis
MARRIAGE
| Negative | Positive |
| 1.Doesn’t keep house as neat as Mom did | 2.Is slender |
| 3.Cooks the same things all the time | 4.Is intelligent |
(Now list your own analysis of your marriage. Use more sheets if necessary, and see how good it feels to have it out in the open.)
| 1. | 1. |
| 2. | 2. |
| 3 | 3. |
| 4. | 4. |
| 5. | 5. |
| 6. | 6. |
| 7. | 7. |
Your evaluation will be your own and not for anyone else to evaluate or judge because you were not born into this world to live up to my expectations, or someone else’s. Nor was I born into this world to live up to your expectations. But we each are placed on this earth and given life for a specific purpose. Each of us was given talents by our Creator. He gave them to us to develop and through development to bless others. That’s our reason for being, and you and I are the only ones who can accomplish our particular tasks, achieve our God-given goals. Today you are exchanging a day of your life for what you are exchanging a moment of your life by reading them.
How do you start working toward solutions of your own? Decide what you can do today.
Set this into a promise to yourself:
Chapter Two
I Search for Happiness In my Children
Our dachshund puppy had gotten into some poison, and we had taken her to the veterinarian. As I was explaining to our teary-eyed daughter that a veterinarian was an animal doctor, she became very quiet. She simply watched in awe as the doctor worked on her pet. On the way home, the silence was broken when she said with eyes wide in wonder, "That animal doctor looked just like a MAN!"
Communication!
It wasn't any easier talking with my children than it was with my husband. He and I were seldom on the same wavelength either. How could I be a radio announcer, conducting daily interviews with people and yet hardly be able to communicate with my own family?
At least my daughter, Dee, got a clear communication about my desire for her success.
You've probably heard stories of famous "stage-mothers." Although I didn't know it at the time, I probably was one. I wanted my daughter to be on radio. By the time she was three years old, she was accompanying me to the station. One day she was playing with my car keys while I was "on the air." She stuck one of the keys into an electrical socket -- immediately knocking the radio station off the air! The force kicked her across the room, but the amazing thing was she was not injured or harmed in any way! She was perfectly all right. Yet, it didn't deter me from wanting her to be at the station to make radio commercials -- which she did (successfully).
It didn't really matter that she was not playing with other children. I wanted her to be doing the commercials. I wanted to brag to my bridge club, church, and family that she was doing the "ice cream" or "carpet" company commercials. That was my reward. Later at age eight she was on television singing and modeling. It didn't occur to me to ask her whether she wanted to or not. I needed that recognition...for me! Even though I was on radio, too, I felt I was never quite good enough. But she would be! My marriage was so boring, with such a lack of communication, that I lived out my life through my daughter.
The paternal grandparents kept our second daughter occupied much of the time. Even though Tony had adopted my daughter by my first husband, there was a difference shown in the way she was treated. It was like an unspoken warfare at every moment of the day.
For Christmas the younger daughter would get an opal ring or something else of significance, and the older one might get a coloring book, or some other insignificant thing.
Despite this friction, our search for happiness continued to surface in our efforts to have popular, beautiful, and talented offspring. To facilitate this effort, we even moved into the best neighborhood possible -- one with doctors, dentists, architects, and business owners. Everyone in the neighborhood had much greater incomes than our own. Though our children ran around with the doctor's kids (which was what we wanted), we were always broke. When our daughters wanted to be cheerleaders,