For a Good Time Call.... Donald Ph.D. Ladew
I mean a man, uh...a male, would send a gift to the lady—perhaps flowers or candy, maybe a bottle of fine perfume.
"Yes," she seemed even closer. "I have read of these rituals. I think they are very nice. We have similar customs where I come from. But tell me, if a man and woman like each other, is there some more...direct way they express this affection?" Her voice was a soft as an English duvet, and twice as inviting.
"Ummm, yes, Miss Annie-Brown. Something tells me you already know about these customs."
She looked at William intently. "You are right, I do know about them. Do you like me, William?" she asked.
Jesus! he thought. What a non sequitur! What's not to like? I've got to do something about the temperature. I'm going into thermal overload.
"Yes, I do, Miss Annie-Brown. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"Good." She smiled like someone who's just received the news they been waiting for. "I like you, William. I am female."
He groaned silently. Jesus have mercy. That was the understatement of the bloody damn century!
"I want to experience the kissing and touching rituals, William. Will you show me how it is done?" she murmured.
Somehow William managed not to shout Hooray! or Whoopee! But he sure as hell thought them. She was delicious beyond belief, and he thanked the creator of this particular universe for creating a race that was so like his own.
Later, much later, she said she enjoyed the rituals and that William must be a great expert in their practice.
He told himself that she spoke truly, and hoped it was so, because as far as he was concerned, in that very much neglected area of his life, the experience was the best.
Chapter 3
His apartment was like an empty cell. William spent the week getting rid of any thing he couldn't carry. Little was left except for a few changes of clothing. Time grew short.
Every once in a while things went blank. He'd find himself wandering around in strange surroundings, with no idea how he got there. He was even talking to himself! Then he would look around embarrassed, sure that someone had seen him. They'd think he was crazy for sure. Maybe I am crazy, he thought.
The day after that wild night at the Bellefourche Towers, William went to work as usual, however he didn't stay. He quit.
His boss, Mr. Edson, kept asking him why he wanted to change, leave a perfectly wonderful job. William told him he had accepted employment elsewhere. Mr Edson kept demanding to know who, as though the other company had committed a crime.
He wanted to know how much they were paying him. William couldn't very well tell him a hundred thousand credits a year plus bonuses. He concluded from the whole mess that a man ought to change jobs every couple of years just to keep from being taken for granted.
When he pressed, William told him the job was classified, so he couldn't give him the name of the company. Can you picture it? he thought. I say, “Don't worry about it, Mr. Edson. I answered this ad on the wall of my bus stop. Then I met this gorgeous alien girl, except she looks a lot like a human girl. She took me for an interview with her boss at this space station out beyond Pluto. You'd have liked him. At first he looked like a short John L. Lewis then he changed into this alien life form, something like a badger with a nice smile. He spoke excellent English. Good, huh? My next stop would have been the local spin bin.
The whole experience, quitting and being grilled by Mr. Edson, made him aware that he'd become like the other furniture in the office, immobile, rigid, predictable, lifeless. Well, to hell with him, he thought. He knew he had to do something to change his life.
William went to see Miss Annie-Brown every few days for briefings. After these, which they made as brief as possible, they drank champagne and explored the rituals, as she called them.
They were banner-bright days and nights, and he took to looking in the mirror every morning just to see if he hadn't died and gone to heaven. Miss Annie-Brown told him she wouldn't trade their time if she had to work twenty life cycles in the drone mines.
Same feeling as William's, different part of the galaxy.
Hell, for all he knew he was headed for the drone mines to work out some problem, and “have a good time”. Trouble is, in the back of his mind, as beautiful as their moments were, he knew he didn't deserve them.
The old physical universe was just waiting to give him a good bash alongside of the head.
But he couldn't imagine what life without Miss Annie-Brown would be like. In the short two weeks they spent together she brought back something he thought was gone forever; anticipation. Anticipation for each day when he knew he'd see her. It was crazy and he knew it, but he didn't care. It was his madness. Looking back he saw he solved problems by ignoring them. He couldn't imagine why he used to be surprised when the world grabbed him by the ass and dumped him in the dirt.
Meanwhile, out beyond the edge of the solar system things were moving. Nothing that would make the evening news, but it would sure as hell change the next five years of his life.
On one of his periodic visits to the briefing locus, Mr. Carson told him he had something lined up, but he wasn't quite ready to give any details. When William pressed, Carson still said no, it wasn't final yet.
He thought the preliminary indications were favorable, and that it might be right up William's boulevard.
Huh?
Waiting around was nerve wracking. Then he went to see Miss Annie-Brown for what proved to be their last evening together at the Bellefourche Towers.
Even when they were together in the most romantic way, there was this evil little voice telling him it was just part of the job for her. One of the perks you might say. A little harmless miscegenation with the natives of Earth, no big deal.
Another part of him sensed her affection was genuine. Either way he was so entranced by her beauty, charm and downright sexiness, he didn't care what her motives were. She was as real as he expected life ever to get.
He never said it of course, but he was crazy for her. Nothing else he knew of could make a man feel alternately euphoric and totally depressed.
Later that evening, encouraged by half a bottle of Dom Perignon, William proposed marriage to Miss Annie-Brown. The half bottle of champagne was his excuse, the source of his courage. The truth? He wanted to be with her more than anything. She didn't understand him at first, then when he explained she was non-plussed.
William was mortified and tried to apologize. From her long silence, he was sure he must have offended her in some awful, totally unforgivable way.
Finally she did something. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
"I'm sorry, William," she said, "I wasn't sure I understood what you were offering. I have had many compliments since I reached the age of maturity, but no one has ever offered me a lifetime contract."
She followed that statement with more kissing and other activity which isn't germane to the story, or anybody's business for that matter. He was so relieved he nearly wept.
After they had calmed down, she spoke to William very tenderly.
"William, darlingest," she had been experimenting with his forms of endearment, " I do not know what our future will become. Soon our paths diverge. I want you to know this has been the sweetest man/woman experience I've ever had. You are incomparable. I will always keep you in my thoughts as my most special male; the first, and I hope the last to want me for a lifetime contract. Maybe when you have worked things out, you can find a way for us to be together. If you do, if after your work is complete, you still want me, a lifetime contract calls for a “Joining”."
At that point she gazed off into the distance at something, some experience that must have