The Joy of Self-Publishing. Mike MD Buchanan
and freedom.’
But one very good thing came from this project. I had at one time considered titling the book Gordon Is a Moron, the title of a popular music hit in 1978 for English comedy actor and musician Graham Fellows, under the name of his alter ego ‘Jilted John’. Fairly confident that nobody would have used the title for a book, I looked on Amazon anyway, and was surprised to find that the title had already been used, by English writer Dr Vernon Coleman. Coleman is a highly successful self-publisher, publishing through his own creation, The Publishing House. From Vernoncoleman.co.uk:
Vernon Coleman is the author of 114 books which have sold over 2 million copies in the UK, been translated into 25 languages and now sell in over 50 countries. His non-fiction books include Bodypower (voted one of the nation’s 100 most popular books by British readers) and How To Stop Your Doctor Killing You and his novels include Mrs Caldicot’s Cabbage War (which has been turned into a major movie starring Pauline Collins) and the Bilbury series of books.
Vernon Coleman has a medical degree and has worked as a General Practitioner and a hospital doctor. Often described as an ‘iconoclast’ he has organised numerous campaigns for people and for animals. Although he now concentrates on writing books he has in the past presented numerous programmes on television (he was breakfast television’s first doctor) and radio and has written over 5,000 columns and articles for over 100 of the world’s leading newspapers and magazines.
The Publishing House, it transpires, sells only books written by Vernon Coleman and his wife. His biography on the website ends with the following gem:
Vernon Coleman, born in Walsall, Staffordshire, England, is balding and widely disliked by members of the Establishment. He doesn’t give a toss about either of these facts. He is married to Donna Antoinette, the totally adorable Welsh Princess and is very pleased about this.
Jerome K Jerome, author of the Victorian classic Three Men in a Boat, was born in Walsall. There’s obviously something in the local water. I used a quotation from Gordon Is a Moron in my Dictionary of Quotations and sent Vernon Coleman a complimentary copy by way of appreciation. He replied and was very complimentary about the book, which quite made my day. We have since had further correspondence from which I learned that he was working on several titles simultaneously – from his prodigious output, this is clearly his custom – and he employed four members of staff.
The Mission Statement of The Publishing House is as insightful, punchy, and lengthy as we might expect from the indefatigable Dr Coleman:
The Publishing House Mission Statement
(Why We Believe Small Publishers Are The Only Real Publishers Left)
Compared to the big international conglomerates Publishing House is very definitely a ‘small publisher’. We don’t have a massive sales force (actually, we don’t have a sales force at all). We don’t have a board of eminent directors (since we’re not a limited company we don’t have any directors). We don’t have offices in a skyscraper (we do have offices but we just have an upstairs and a downstairs). And we don’t have a PR department full of bright young things called Hyacinth and Jacoranda. (We don’t have a PR department at all). But we have one enormous advantage over the conglomerates. We care passionately about books.
They have marketing departments which decide which books will sell. They then commission books that the sales force think they will be able to flog. They won’t even consider a book until they’ve done a marketing feasibility study.
We publish books we believe in. We then try to sell them. Naturally, we try to make a profit. If we didn’t we wouldn’t last long. We have to pay the printing bills, the electricity bills, the phone bills, the rates, the insurance and so on.
But we’ve been publishing for 15 years. In that time, we’ve sold over two million books. Our books have been translated into 22 languages and are sold by other publishers (including some big ones) in over 50 countries.
The conglomerates insist that every book should make a profit.
We don’t. Some of our books make more money than others. But that’s fine with us. We don’t mind if the better sellers sometimes subsidise the other books. We don’t mind if a book is a little slow to sell. Like good parents we love all our children equally – however successful, or unsuccessful, they might be.
Despite all the talk about the need for each book to stand on its own two feet many big publishers make an overall loss. They are kept alive – effectively as vanity publishers – by other parts of the conglomerate. So, for example, the TV division or the magazine division may help to subsidise the book publishing division. We believe that book publishing can, and should, be allowed to stand alone. We believe that small publishers are now the only REAL publishers alive.
The big publishers often accept sponsorship from outside companies. We never do. We rely on the sale of books to earn our living and pay our bills. None of our books are sponsored or carry any advertising. We believe this helps us to remain truly independent. We publish books which international conglomerates wouldn’t dare touch.
Big publishers have lost touch with people’s needs. They are slow and unwieldy. It can take them two years to turn a typescript into a finished book! (We can, if pushed, get a book out within a month – while the material is still topical.)
They are too market orientated and derivative. They produce more of what other publishers did well with last year. We look forwards not backwards.
They pay huge amounts as advances to film stars, politicians and young hot shot authors. Much of the time they don’t earn back those advances. They don’t care because the books are just seen as ‘tools’ to help other parts of the empire. For example, a conglomerate will publish a politician’s dull biography as a way of putting money into the politician’s pocket.
Despite their huge marketing departments they are often out of touch with people’s needs. If we published as many ‘turkeys’ as they do we’d be out of business.
They worry enormously about upsetting powerful politicians and other corporations. The big conglomerates need to co-operate with the establishment because they are part of the establishment. We stand outside the establishment. They don’t like us much at all. They often do their best to shut us down.
But we don’t give a fig for what politicians or corporate bosses might (or might not) think of us. We’re only interested in publishing books that inform and entertain. When they try to shut us down we fight back.
At big publishers there are loads of men and women in suits who slow things down and interfere with the artistic process. Literary originality and integrity have been replaced by marketing convenience.
We have no men or women in suits to tell us what to do. We do what we believe is right. We publish books the old fashioned way. We’re a small, independent publishing house. We publish books we believe in; books we want to publish and which we hope that our readers will want to read.
That’s what we think publishing is all about.
Visit the website if you’re looking for inspiration. I would only do one thing differently from Dr Coleman, if and when I become as successful. I would employ bright young things with names like Hyacinth and Jacoranda. I’m sure I could find them something to do.
Everyone in the literary world appears to agree these days that publishers will only consider book proposals put forward to them by literary agents. For male writers, especially those writing books with a male perspective, that can pose a problem. DH Lawrence wouldn’t have had a hope of attracting an agent in the modern era. Why? The vast majority of literary agents are female. It should come as no surprise that major publishers take on few new authors writing books sympathetic to male perspectives.
But I believe – all right, I hope – that the pendulum will swing back again. How much more thin ‘chick lit’ can the book-buying public consume? I think there will be an increasing appetite for sometimes challenging books which have reasoned arguments at their