Twentieth Century Limited Book One - Age of Heroes. Jan David Blais
a habit of doing the unexpected.”
“Not to change the subject,” my father pointed his finger at me, “you saw our troops just left Lebanon. Would you say we did the right thing going in there?”
“It’s a friendly government and was in danger of falling, so I’d say, yes.”
“You won’t be writing any critical editorials, I take it.” My comment calling Korea a tie still rankled him.
“This is different. We did the job and we got out. That’s the way to do it.”
“I don’t see why we mess in other countries’ affairs,” Catherine added.
“It’s nothing new,” my mother said, “we’ve been doing it forever.”
“Who runs a country matters,” my father said. “We don’t send troops for no reason but if a friend needs help and we have something at stake, that’s different.”
“It just doesn’t seem right to get mixed up in somebody else’s business.”
My father frowned, “Sometimes their business is our business, too. That Nasser is a bad actor, cozying up to the Rooskies like that. If you ask me, they’re behind all the uproar over there, no question about it.”
At my mother’s insistence I applied to Harvard and Brown, as well as Holy Cross in Worcester, forty miles west of Boston. Harvard was impressive – the tradition, the stately buildings, the famous graduates – but word came, no scholarship. My father said he’d swing it if I really wanted, but a few days later Holy Cross came through with tuition, room and board, though I’d have to work in the dining hall as part of the deal.
I have to admit, the prospect of leaving the Catholic cocoon was making me nervous. While most of the Brothers fed my fears, once again Brother Robert stood above the pack. Welcome the unknown, he said, that’s where the most interesting things happen. What a great person, I thought, but I also thought, easier said than done.
My decision came down to this. In addition to gaining knowledge, I wanted the next four years to deepen my Catholic beliefs and tune them up for real life. And so it was I cast my lot with the Jesuits and Holy Cross.
Our family was doing all right except for one thing, but it was a big one. With success, my father had become more remote than ever, having less time for us. I sensed he felt we sapped his energy, interfering with more interesting and important things. Also, better able to read the signals, I knew there were other women. I recall the sadness in my mother’s face when it grew late and he still hadn’t come home. What went on between themselves they kept from us. I went along, minding my own business, feeling sorry for my mother, and for him, too.
But spurred on by Catherine, mother was stirring, working on persuading herself the time was right for a return to the stage. Thriving at Brown, Catherine had already been in several plays. I admired theater without appreciating it, considering entertainment thin gruel for people of serious mien. It took me much too long to realize that art is also a handmaiden of truth, that it may illuminate the human heart far better than endeavors that tackle it head-on. That aspect of Brother Robert’s genius was still lost on me. I’d had glimpses, recently with On the Road, last year’s clandestine choice, but like so many things file this one under “opportunity lost.”
Military service was now on my mind as classmates talked about registering for the draft. Next year, when I turned eighteen, I’d have a Selective Service Card in my wallet too, and a student deferment. I put aside the ROTC materials that came in my acceptance packet. I’d gladly serve my country when and if, just not yet.
I’d never tested the Saturday night school dances but the prospect of my senior prom pushed me into it. I had taken Joan to a couple of movies but the last time it was really awkward. When I slid my hand across, hers just sat there. Jim clued me in on hand-holding, that it meant more than it seemed. If a girl really held your hand back, squeezing it or rubbing it, this was an invitation to take the next step, which was put your arm around her. If she leaned against you or put her head on your shoulder, well... But Joan’s limp fish stopped me cold. I finally pulled my hand back and sat, distracted and miserable, through the film. April Love, ha! I called her once more and she said she was going steady. Actually made me feel better. I wished her luck.
So on a chilly early December evening, Omer and I set out. Omer had on his shiny rust-colored jacket but I didn’t say anything. We were nervous enough already. I had to talk him into going but I figured the Brothers wouldn’t run these things if they weren’t okay. I had on a gray tweed sport coat, the kind with brown leather buttons you never button and new loafers that began killing me the first block. “This is such a waste of time,” he said as we passed Mt. Pleasant. “I can’t dance, what’s the use?”
“Just do what everybody is doing.”
Easy for me to say. I didn’t know how either. One time my mother offered to show me how. She was a great dancer, I’d seen her at weddings and so on, but I said no thanks, that would be too weird, I thought, dancing with your mother. All I knew was what Catherine taught me the one time I let her try which was also the last time.
I told Omer, think of a square on the floor. Step ahead with your left foot, then move your right foot up to it and across, then back with the left – something like that. You do this over and over. The girl does it backwards.
“That is so dumb!” he shouted. I found it hard to disagree.
Fifty cents wasn’t a fortune, but we stopped to think it over. Why pay anything for an awkward and painful couple of hours? Omer shook his head, “I can’t do it.” Then Ain’t That a Shame began to filter through the half-open door... that did it for me. I pulled out a dollar and handed it to the kid I knew who was the guard. He gave me back two quarters and pressed an ink stamp onto my wrist. “Go to the bathroom, show this to get back in. Leave the building you don’t get back in.”
This seemed reasonable. If I left, I wouldn’t want to get back in.
“C’mon, Omer,” I said. “Look, if it’s that bad, we’ll leave.”
He sighed, reaching for his money. “Okay, you win.”
I’d never seen the auditorium so lit up. It made our assemblies look like midnight on a moonless night. We found ourselves in a crowd of boys beneath the overhanging balcony in the back of the room. The girls were from all over but the boys were from La Salle, all of them. The Brothers said they couldn’t be responsible for outsiders, but it was really to improve the home team’s chances. We spotted several clots of girls as we sauntered through the crowd, toward where the dancing was happening. The lines of girls stretched along each side of the room. I nudged Omer. “There they are.” Suddenly I had this image of Buzz Sawyer pointing out a formation of Jap planes to Hotshot Charlie. Why? These girls weren’t the enemy, were they? They were playing slow music that would fit my box step, so I set off toward one of the lines, Omer trailing behind.
Before I go on, let me explain something – what I was looking for. In a girl, that is. It didn’t happened often, but what made me look a second time and a third, was a really pretty face. And nice hair, particularly if it was long. I didn’t have much experience with girls’ bodies because of those loose-fitting clothes I’ve mentioned – that’s probably why their faces interested me so much. This may sound weird, but it was like shopping for shirts, which I was forced to do at the start of every school year. Walking down the rack, I’d look for a color I liked, such as white or blue, and a pattern, such as striped. What the material felt like didn’t matter until I came to a shirt with the right color and pattern. Then I’d check out the material. Anyway, that’s what I was looking for.
As I walked along I kept my eyes open for a pretty face, preferably a small and interesting one like Ann Blyth or Piper Laurie. Being behind the girls as I was, I couldn’t see their faces too well so I had to break through the line then casually turn and look around. I worked my way nearly to the end when all of a sudden, there she was. A little shorter than me, long dark hair, a small nose and large eyes