Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes. Perry Ritthaler
is like father to me; and now I must leave the country. We were all seamlessly standing back to back facing the world at one time or another.
Kathy held me in such a special way. Kathy loves me deep inside her heart; and I could feel her love cast into words as she caressed my face. Kathy wanted to know why I have not called her; all I could do was cry into Kathy’s shoulder.
We kept praying together crying into each other's shoulder most of the night. I love this beautiful Italian lady and she loves me.
Kathy’s emotions are all mixed up. Kathy knows I am leaving tomorrow; deep inside my soul I can feel the sharp pain tearing Kathy’s heart apart. Kathy told me she dreamt we will get married and have a baby together. I know I am holding someone that I really love; and the love being ripped apart feels painful deep inside my soul.
I quietly tell myself over and over; I will never let the government hurt Kathy.
Kathy looked beautiful in a white tight fitting dress under the moonlight; and that night I wished she was my wife. The time was late into the evening; soon I will have to leave the woman I love behind.
I hated the government for not acting to help me financially during my finacial crisis; making me leave Florida; and the woman I love.
When I worked for the government; in my mind I made sure that the government never connected me with Kathy; and only now the government can see me walking with my beautiful lady.
Kathy had to work early the next day; and I could feel our painful separation coming closer. Like small grains of white sand falling through a tiny hour glass; Kathy and I are running out of time with each other.
Kathy and I kiss each other for the last time; feeling the kiss that ignited flames of passion to last a lifetime. I promised myself that I would protect Kathy from the government; and never contact her again.
I am afraid to show anyone any love; because I know the government will only hurt the things I love; and use the pain I feel in my heart as a weapon against me.
One day vengeance will be mine.
The only way I have protected my friends is by never showing the government voices in my head I love any of my friends. I love Kathy; and leaving her behind is the only way I can protect her from the government.
I walk Kathy over to her new yellow mustang convertible; and I could feel more tears rolling down my face. We were both shaking and crying as we kissed each other good bye.
As I watched Kathy drive out of my life I knew Kathy has my heart; and I feel the cold empty dark hole appear deep inside of my chest. Tears of misery cover my face; and these drops of salty water fueled my thoughts of revenge and hatred toward the government.
I fell to my knees and I cried into my hands; what have I done to myself?
I keep telling the voices in my head I hate the government for making me do this to myself.
Deep inside of my heart; I just wanted to keep working and stay in Florida. More than anything I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Kathy and my old brown cat.
I feel like the government has crushed my life by not helping me financially; I could feel my eyes getting wilder as the anger overflowed out of my brain into my soul. I vowed to myself that one day I return in another program as “President Fantasy Spy”.
I will get even with the Republican government for hurting me and not paying me.
My anger dried the tears out of my eyes; as I tried to pull myself together; then I realized Enron would collapse when I stop fixing the crisis; one solution after the other will end; and then the USA government will realize the mistake they made.
I thought to myself it serves them right; someone took my ideas then took credit for the work; and now they must create the strategies; that rebound the economy and made the President of the USA the most powerful man on the planet.
I walked back into Sean’s house; and I grabbed my pipe and Sean’s whiskey bottle; lit my pipe and poured myself a stiff drink.
Sean knows how much I love Kathy; and I can see he is a concerned good friend trying to be supportive.
I hear Sean’s garage door open.
I still needed to talk to Sean about Kathy; so I keep talking. I feel too uncomfortable emptying my heart as Sean’s girlfriend comes into the kitchen.
Her nickname is Cat.
I slowly lose Sean’s attention; and I keep my thoughts of Kathy to myself. I can see that Cat is busy doing something; and then she takes off to the bedroom.
I thanked Sean for looking after me on the Siesta key.
Then Sean looked at me and said; that is what real friends do for each other. Sean has gambled and invested twenty thousand dollars into the marketing program; and unfortunately my business collapsed and I lost all of Sean’s investment.
The next day is another beautiful sunny day in Florida; Sean is driving me to the greyhound bus depot in Sarasota. When we arrive at the bus depot Sean walked over to the counter and purchased me my bus ticket for Dallas Texas.
Sean and I hug each other as we say goodbye.
I have tears in my eyes when Sean passed me twenty dollars for my pocket. I feel like I am parting company with another brother I never had.
I told Sean I miss my mom and dad; and if I am ever to repay him his investment I have to go to work legally in Canada. Sean is a smart man; he knows he will never see me again; after I go home to see my mom and dad in Canada.
I have not told Sean about the government software targeting my brain; and I know that the government people behind the curtain believe I have moved into Sean’s house. I know when the government cannot find me they will start looking for me.
I am financially broke; a mental wreck; and on the run from the most powerful government in the world. I am a mentally shattered; however I do not believe I am sick; and I hate being on the run from the government voices locked deep inside of my head.
I just do not have any other way to get away from the government; that has some kind of a communication system located deep inside of my brain.
I keep looking around to see if I am being followed; and several people look like they are tracking me. In fact; I am so angry at times I just want to walk up to them and start punching them.
Unfortunately I think the government will serve me with legal papers if they catch me violent; or if I stick a knife into one of their people following me.
The bus depot is crowded; I see no friendly faces looking at me. I know government agents have followed Sean and me to the bus terminal in Florida. I wave good bye to Sean and the two government agents in suits are watching us; as I board the Greyhound bus to Texas.
The only seat left on the bus is beside a fat lady that must weigh over three hundred pounds; and she smells like rotted meat. I am squished into my seat; and I can feel my spine is out of joint. My back feels like it has a razor sharp knife stuck between my shoulder blades.
As I look out my window I see two government agents standing in the bus terminal; I smile at them as the bus pulls out of the bus depot.
Both men are speaking into cellular telephones; and they look angry. Now the government knows I am on the move; and now the government can see how serious I really am about leaving Florida. Perhaps this is the best move for the Administration looking to see loose ends vanish.
The bus ride to Texas is forty eight hours long; and I feel like my brain is full of small razor cuts floating in a pail of salt water.
I wonder what the government has done to my eye glasses. My brain is being challenged constantly by different voices I hear deep inside my head; telling me they read my thoughts patterns through the special lenses in my glasses.
If I have bad thoughts about the government; someone