The Red House Mystery and Other Novels. A. A. Milne
However, I'm quite certain that I _couldn't_ have helped you then. We'll take the other accusation, that I stole Pamela from you. I've only got two things to say to that. First, that Pamela was not engaged to you, and was perfectly free to choose between us. Secondly, that you never told me, and I hadn't the slightest idea, that you were the least bit fond of her. Indeed, I don't believe you realized it yourself at that time.
BOB (rather shamefaced). I've realized it since.
GERALD. Yes, and you've taken Pamela back since. I think if I were you I would keep her out of it. (BOB looks away and GERALD goes on) Now we come to the general charge, which seems to be (very deliberately) that I'm better than you at games, that I've got better manners than you, that I'm cleverer than you--in fact, that I'm superior to you in every outward way, and am only inferior to you in--well, in the moral qualities. (Quietly) Bob, what are these moral qualities in which I am so deficient and you so endowed? You judge me by the qualities I am supposed to have shown to you; now what have you shown to _me_? Have _you_ been generous, have _you_ been friendly, have _you_ been sympathetic? No; you've just told me that for fifteen years you've hated me and been jealous of me. Things have been rotten for you, I admit; have you ever tried to make the best of them? You've had disadvantages to fight against; have you ever fought against them? Never! You've turned every trouble into a grievance, and hoarded it up. I said just now I was sick of you. I am--utterly. You said just now you didn't want my pity. You haven't got it; you've only got my contempt. ... (He turns away, and then suddenly turns back, and, holding out his hand to BOB, says utterly unexpectedly) And now, damn you! will you shake hands?
BOB (incoherent with surprise). What do you--I--you didn't-- (GERALD'S hand is still held out, and he is smiling.) Oh, Jerry! (He takes the hand.)
GERALD. That's all right. Good-bye, Bob, and good luck.
BOB (bewildered). Good-bye. (He tuns round and goes towards the door. Half-way there, he looks over his shoulder and says awkwardly) Had rather a rotten time in prison. (GERALD nods. At the door BOB says) Pamela and I--
[With rather a forced smile, GERALD nods again, and BOB goes out.]
(Left alone, GERALD stands looking into the fire and thinking. He tries sitting down to see if that will make thinking any pleasanter; then he tries standing up again. He goes to the door in front of the staircase and opens it to see if there is anybody there; then he goes to the windows at the back and looks through them. Evidently he sees somebody, for he beckons and then returns to his old place by the fire. In a few moments LETTY and TOMMY come in.)
TOMMY (excitedly). I say, has Bob come?
GERALD. Why?
TOMMY. I could have sworn we saw him just now as we were coming in. At least, Letty swore she did--
LETTY. I _know_ I did.
TOMMY. So I gave him a shout, but he fairly trekked off. Was it Bob?
GERALD. Yes. Now look here, I want you to be two nice people. Don't say anything to anybody. He came, but he didn't want to see the whole crowd of us. He's going to Canada. I'll do all the explaining, if you two just say nothing. Do you see?
LETTY. Of course, Gerald.
TOMMY. Rather, old boy. Besides, it will make it much better for Letty and me.
LETTY. No rival attraction, Tommy means.
[Enter SIR JAMES and LADY FARRINGDON from the outer hull, having just returned from their lunch.]
SIR JAMES. Ah! here you all are.
GERALD. Had a good lunch?
SIR JAMES. Lunch was all right, but the people were dull, very dull.
LADY FARRINGDON. There were one or two nice ones, I thought, dear. They all knew about _you_, Gerald.
TOMMY (proudly). Of course they would.
SIR JAMES. Oh, one or two were all right, but _he_ was--well, I was discussing shorthorns with him after lunch, and he hardly seemed interested at all. Dull, very dull. I've got no use for that sort of man.
(During this speech the Butler has come in with a telegram for GERALD.)
GERALD (taking it). Just a moment. (He reads it quickly.) No answer. [Exit Butler.]
(GERALD reads his telegram again more thoughtfully.)
LADY FARRINGDON. From Pamela, dear?
GERALD. From the office. I shall have to go up at once.
LADY FARRINGDON (very disappointed). Oh, Gerald!
SIR JAMES. Something on?
GERALD. Rather an important thing really. I never thought I should get it, but there was just a chance. (Looking at his watch) Oh, I can do it comfortably.
SIR JAMES (obviously proud that GERALD is in the thick of things). What is it? I suppose you mustn't tell us.
GERALD. Something abroad.
SIR JAMES. Diplomatic mission, eh?
GERALD. Yes.
LETTY. That does sound so frightfully exciting.
LADY FARRINGDON (proudly). Oh, Gerald! (Thoughtfully). I wish we had known about it this morning, we could have mentioned it at lunch.
SIR JAMES. That ought to lead to something.
GERALD. Yes. I think it will. It's rather an opportunity:
(They are all round him now, just as they have always been. The buzz begins.)
SIR JAMES. Aha! you'll be an ambassador yet. What do you think of that, Letty?
LETTY. Well done, Gerald.
LADY FARRINGDON. How like you, Gerald!
TOMMY. Good old Gerald! I never knew such a chap. You really _are_!
GERALD (softly). I wish I weren't, Tommy! Oh, I wish I weren't!
(They don't hear him; they are still buzzing.)
THE BOY COMES HOME
A COMEDY IN ONE ACT
CHARACTERS.
UNCLE JAMES. AUNT EMILY. PHILIP. MARY. MRS. HIGGINS.
This play was first produced by Mr. Owen Nares at the Victoria Palace Theatre on September 9,1918, with the following cast:
Philip--OWEN NARES. Uncle James--TOM REYNOLDS. Aunt Emily--DOROTHY RADFORD. Mary--ADAH DICK. Mrs. Higgins--RACHEL DE SOLLA.
THE BOY COMES HOME
[SCENE.--A room in UNCLE JAMES'S house in the Cromwell Road.]
[TIME.--The day after the War.]
[Any room in UNCLE JAMES'S house is furnished in heavy mid-Victorian style; this particular morning-room is perhaps solider and more respectable even than the others, from the heavy table in the middle of it to the heavy engravings on the walls. There are two doors to it. The one at the back opens into the hall, the one at the side into the dining-room.]
[PHILIP comes from the hall and goes into the dining-room. Apparently he finds nothing there, for he returns to the morning-room, looks