The Changing Face of Sex. Wayne P. Anderson PhD
“I talked with a friend from home today and found out someone we had known who was my age was married and pregnant with her second child. It struck me because at this point in my life I couldn’t imagine being in either circumstance this young. I thought about my friend again and then realized that if I grew up in a different time period or even part of the world it would be odd if I wasn’t married and having children by 20 and would be expected to around the age of 17 or 18 to work on a farm. Our standards of when we are supposed to start our sexual and marital lives have changed as we delay longer and long to go to college and start a career for ourselves first. I continued to think about standards for starting our sex life when we are older, and I think that may have had something to do with the sexual explosion from 1968 to 1972. Biologically our bodies have not changed, and they tell us we are ready to have sex younger than some of our parents would like. In this context it almost seems unnatural to bottle these sexual desires, and it is likely that this smothering of what our bodies are saying to us may lead to acting out in different ways.”
Cell phones and computers also play a major role in shaping young peoples’ sexual behavior.
“Sex has evolved with the new technology.For instance,the mass use of cell phones in our generation has completely altered the face of sex. Students our age send sexual text, arrange sexual rendezvous over the phone, and download porn to their cell phones. Not only have our lives become monopolized by cell phones, but so have our sex lives.” “I was checking my hotmail account and looked at the junk mail I had. Ninety percent of the emails I had received were adult hook up sites or penis enlargement cures. The Internet is hyper-saturated with adult material, and while I don’t mind it for the most part it has made getting my email increasingly irritating.”
The social pressure for men to have sex with a variety of women is strong.This is pressure that has been on young men from the early years; but now with sex more readily available the feeling seems to be if you are a real man, you should be taking advantage of it.
“I live in a fraternity house. I was sitting on the second floor couch and one of my friends claimed he’s had sex with more than 90 women since he’s been in college. His comment reminded me a lot of the pecking order. I think he was trying to exert his sexual superiority over all of us.”
“At dinner I overheard a group of college aged guys talking about their weekend. One of them proclaimed loudly that he had “gotten some”from two different girls that weekend. The other guys applauded him.”
One of the surprises to my students is that they had not been paying attention to how much sexual material exists on TV. Ads are loaded with sexual references, and TV shows are becoming ever more open about the sexual behavior of their characters, both in fiction and reality programs.
“I was watching TV and I saw a sex scene that made me think. Most sex scenes are very glamorized and in some regards unrealistic. There is never any awkwardness removing clothing with its snags on an elbow or even the head. There is never any discussion of birth control or condoms beforehand that break the mood, and lastly the mood setting music that is playing in the background always seems to cover up any of the surprising or even humorous noises that occur when two bodies rub against each other.”
“It’s amazing how many television commercials push the envelope,sexually.And it’s also amazing how many “dirty” commercials we simply ignore these days, having grown accustomed to a culture seeped with sex. These same ads, if aired in the 1950s, would seem obscene and indecent. One that my cousin pointed out was the Herbal Essences shampoo ad. An attractive, naked woman is lathering her hair in the shower. And that’s fine. But she’s also exclaiming, “Yes! YES! YES!” Obviously she’s simulating an orgasm brought on by lavender and chamomile in her all-natural shampoo. Even the tagline of the ad, ‘Herbal Essences—a totally organic experience,’ is a nod to a woman’s orgasm.”
“I watched ‘Some Like it Hot,’ and it was the first time I’d seen the movie. Marilyn Monroe played the sexy, sultry, not-too-bright blonde. That got me to thinking how much our standards have changed for the leading lady. Now, women are stronger, more intelligent, and more powerful. Marilyn Monroe being the sex symbol was almost embarrassing to me because she was such the stereotypical dumb blonde, and of course, the leading man falls for her. I am personally very glad that now we have become more independent and strong.”
And then there is just the sexualization of products.
“Today is my 21st birthday, so to celebrate at midnight two of my best friends and I went out for a couple of drinks. Many of the beverages on the drinks list had overtly sexual names like: Blow Job, Sex on the Beach, Screaming Orgasm, and Slippery Nipple. The traditional way to drink a Blow Job mimics fellatio. As an aside, it does feel very strange to hear my friends say,‘I’d like a blow job please,’ to the waitress.”
Parents
I gather that most parents are either not in favor of this kind of behavior on the part of their children or deny that their children would be involved. Students seldom mention their parents in their reports; and when they do, the parents typically are rejecting their children learning about sex.
“My mother was staying the night to go to an early meeting the next morning and commented on my Human Sexuality textbook. While flipping through the book, she seemed to be appalled. I think she might have missed the sexual revolution or at least not have been a full participant. She commented on the picture of a circumcision saying that she always wondered what it looked like. She asked me about the teacher and I told her that he has been teaching the class since 1969. She said he must be a dirty old man. Her final comment, I think she was trying to lighten the mood, was to say that she couldn’t believe someone would turn the book in as used.”
“I was having breakfast with my parents and they were asking how my classes were going, so eventually we discussed this class. We got on the subject of pheromones and my dad asked what they were, so my mom replied that they were ‘sex hormones.’I though my dad was going to have a heart attack because he doesn’t ever want to hear anything about sex regarding any of us kids, especially me because I’m the baby. I just laughed at them both and gave a better explanation than my mom did and my dad seemed much more comfortable at that point.”
There are still the basics.
I’m still optimistic that our basic inborn drive to set up a bonded relationship will carry us beyond this phase of open sexuality. I believe a basic instinct exists for us to pair off in order to provide a safe environment for our children. If this is not done, those who don’t commit to having and raising children will simply drop out of the gene pool.
“This morning I saw a couple heading into the General Classroom Building. They had been walking together and were separating. I noted it was amazing how you can tell a couple’s relationship just by watching them for a couple of seconds. He likes her, she likes him, but the relationship is new and neither one of them have the courage to vocalize their feelings. It’s the smile on their faces and the tuck of their heads as they turn away that tells me this. They walk away from each other in a sort of euphoria, not noticing anyone or anything around them.”
“I’ve heard Dr. Anderson talk about love maps before and since then sometimes I catch myself having reactions to people. Like that guy that is in every woman’s life. The one that she will always hold a special place for and she can‘t describe exactly why. Whenever he comes around she loses feeling in her body. Her heart beats faster and everything is a little hazy. Is there a way to remedy that? Can you stop yourself from having such a reaction around this person? I wish there was. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so helpless.”
CHAPTER TWO
THE VICTORIAN ANTI-SEX MOVEMENT
What were the sexual attitudes and standards before the major changes took place that I discussed in the previous chapter?