Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Parenting, Work, and Relationships. Jennifer Schneider

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      Gentle Path Press

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      Copyright © 2014 by Gentle Path Press

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced, stored or entered into a retrieval system, transmitted, photocopied, recorded, or otherwise reproduced in any form by any mechanical or electronic means, without the prior written permission of the author, and Gentle Path Press, except for brief quotations used in articles and reviews.

      First edition: 2014

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      ISBN: 978-1-9404-6790-0

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      Editor’s note: All the stories in this book are based on actual experiences. The names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved. In some cases, composites have been created.

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      I’ve come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies.

      1.Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

      2.Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.

      3.Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.

      —Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

      PREFACE

      The original intent of writing Closer Together, Further Apart was to explore the problems that digital technology appeared to be having on our relationships, especially our intimate ones. We were motivated to write this based on the outpouring of media reports on how technology is overrunning and ruining Western culture, along with “cocktail party conversations” where we heard much of the same. Curiously, as our research deepened our book premise quickly morphed into a much broader and more balanced analysis of the effects of digital technology on our daily lives.

      We made some unanticipated discoveries along the way, and we expect that you will too. Here are just a few things we learned:

      •Digital devices of today are just another part of the human/technological evolution—much like the invention of the wheel, printing press, the light bulb, and the splitting of atoms.

      •Today’s generation gap is different than any other generation gap we’ve seen because generations are not having conversations in the same way. Much of modern culture is embroiled in a profound, yet mostly unseen generation gap. The digital world has shifted how we communicate and share opinions. People of all ages are often literally separated by the very tools they use to communicate. Younger people live in a more digital and social media based environment while older adults increasingly report feeling left behind.

      •The escalation of addictive behaviors has been and always will be driven by technological advances. Most people are able to appreciate more immediate, escalated pleasures that technology provides us. A small sector of the population, typically the most emotionally vulnerable, will end up addicted.

      •Humans are readily adaptable to change. That being said, some tend to adapt better or faster than others; those others will struggle and may even choose to ignore or rebel against change. When people don’t have the courage to change, the result could be that they are left out of the relationships that they care about the most.

      •The brains of our children are now evolving in sync with digital technology. Their brains have changed because of the electronic devices we have been placing into their hands at increasingly earlier stages of their development. The generation growing up now will differ from their parents more completely than any previous generation.

      Our hope is that this book will be an eye opener, especially for skeptics who view the Internet, digital technology, and the rise of social media as signs pointing toward the inevitable decline of humanity and our culture. We believe Closer Together, Further Apart will be a great place for people from different generations to begin a nuanced, meaningful conversation that can help close that growing “generation gap.” To help with this, we created a Reading Group Guide to get that conversation started. A glossary of terms is also available to get you up to speed on the latest tech terminology.

      As you read this book, we invite you to personally explore how your relationships with others and with your sense of time, priority, and place have changed as a result of digital technology. Technology changes so rapidly that it’s hard to keep up. We’ll start out by looking at where it all began.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      A giant shout out to Scott Brassart, our co-editor and research guide. Without Scott this book would not have been written—period. Scott, you are an amazing, good man. To Corrine Casanova of Gentle Path Press, a woman we’ve both known for nearly 20 years, thank you for being a superb editor and a quiet visionary behind the scenes. Thank you for all you do for us and so many others to get the work and word out there!

      Rob Weiss

      Kudos go out to my husband, Jonathan Westerman, if only because living with an author by definition, means being a patient, loving and creative man. Jon, you are all that and more. I have also been both shoved and supported into embracing the world and media of the 21st century by dear friends and colleagues like Rebekah Iliff and Kristen Tischhauser at AirPR and talkTECH, Dr. Stefanie Carnes, Dr. Patrick Carnes, Tami VerHelst at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals and Brené Brown whose quiet vision is reshaping our world.

      Further shout outs to Charlie Risien and Debra Kaplan along with Dr. David Sack, Keith Arnold, Vera Appleyard, and Lori Shannon at Elements Behavioral Health. Thanks too to my dear friend and reader, Eve Niedergang, you are amazing! Thanks also to Laura Maxey, Diana Lombardi, and Annette Banca of the 5WPR team for embracing this book and all that it represents. And to Steve Jobs, whose visionary, integrative thinking changed all of our lives and rocked the world that we thought we knew.

      Finally, thank you to the hundreds of people who have taken the time to share their views with me during conferences, online, and events all over the world. Each of you has offered some gem or viewpoint along the way that has shaped the meaning of the world described in Closer Together, Further Apart.

      Jennifer Schneider

      I would like to acknowledge the support of Marni Dittmar, Lucia Yao, and David Sims, librarians at the Tucson Medical Center Library. Without their willingness to send me dozens of references on short notice, I could not possibly have accomplished the research and writing that I contributed to