Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Parenting, Work, and Relationships. Jennifer Schneider
participant in the early days of the Internet revolution and one of the first volunteer “digital natives.” I wish she could have lived to see how the Internet has changed the world. Last but not least, I would like to thank my son, Ben Wing, whose knowledgeable and thoughtful critique of this book resulted in some valuable changes.
INTRODUCTION
The Historical Impact of Technology on Human Relationships and Communication
The date that divides human history into two equal parts is well within living memory. The world of today is as different from the world I was born in as that world was from Julius Caesar’s. I was born in the middle of human history, to date, roughly. Almost as much has happened since I was born as happened before.
—Kenneth Boulding, economist (1910–1993)
Throughout most of human history, the ways in which people communicated and interacted remained relatively constant, especially over the course of any single generation. The only real communication changes from the dawn of time until the mid to late nineteenth century occurred with the advent of language, the written word, and the arrival of wired communication via the telegraph.
In the past, most people became better at meeting and mating as they matured, thanks to the wisdom of experience. However, over the course of one’s lifetime back then the basics of human interaction remained roughly unchanged—relationships began and developed through introduction, face-to-face interpersonal interaction, and the occasional letter. We met, talked, batted eyelashes, gossiped, broke bread, coupled up, sometimes had sex, and sometimes killed each other. Occasionally some of us skipped the earlier tasks and went straight to the coupling, sex, or killing, but the general idea—that our relationship with other human beings was, until very recently, almost wholly dependent on our proximity to them—remained intact. We have always needed to be in the same physical space at the same time to interact. But in recent years the meaning of “proximity” and “being in the same place at the same time” has changed dramatically. Telecommunication—telegrams, telephones, radio, television, and, more recently, the Internet, smartphones, tablets, and other forms of digital technology—has turned the entire planet into one giant room where anyone and everyone with Internet access can easily and instantly connect and interact.
From Prehistory to the Start of Modern Times
For most of human existence, people lived in small, widely dispersed, often nomadic groups of usually no more than a few hundred to a few thousand members. Somebody could live an entire lifetime without encountering even one member of another tribe or clan. Typically, then, our opportunities for socializing were limited to the particular group (community) into which we were born. Intimacy involved meeting (or more likely being set up to meet), mating, and sharing goods with the boy or girl next door. We got to know that person through a series of interactions, fell in love (or not), had sex, likely reproduced, grew old, and died.
Prior to the advent of language—somewhere around 200,000 years ago, give or take a few centuries—humans relied on drums, clapping, gestures, fire, smoke, whistles, horns, and various grunts, primal screams, and moans to interact, communicate, and share important information. This rich history helps explain why shared popular songs, dance, and rhythm remain ingrained in our culture. Research tells us that even today the most primitive parts of our brains (even while in a comatose or unconscious state) will deeply and instinctually become activated in response to the rhythms, drumbeats, and baselines of popular music.1 The tribal sounds that we now hear blaring from our home and car audio systems not only keep our fingers tapping but also hold the same power to bring humans together as did the claps and drumbeats of our ancestors.
However, these ancient methods of communication were not without their shortcomings. Claps, whistles, gestures, grunts, horns, and howls could be heard or seen only by those who were nearby. The effort needed to reach large numbers of people, to communicate between friendly or rival tribes, for instance, was enormous. Either a runner needed to be dispatched, often traversing dangerous terrain to deliver a message, or large bonfires needed to be lit—no easy task at the time—so that smoke signals could be sent. Furthermore, the meanings of these communications were open to misinterpretation. For instance, it was likely difficult to know if the distant blowing of a horn signaled victory, religious sacrifice, or imminent danger; if drumbeats were a warning or an invitation; whether a primal scream meant “Go away!” or “Look out, there’s a hungry tiger over that next hill!” Nevertheless, these communication methods were at least moderately effective, as evidenced by the fact that we still use them today. We still clap our hands to get someone’s attention or express appreciation, honk a car horn to say “Get out of the way,” or moan from deep within ourselves as expressions of both pleasure and grief.
The development of spoken language—our ability to form words and then sentences conveying specific, even nuanced information—represented a giant leap forward in the evolution of human relations. Rather than a male simply pointing to a fertile woman’s genitals and then pushing her down into the dirt for sex, he could speak to her, saying something like, “I find you very attractive and arousing. With your permission, I’d very much like to make love to you, or at least buy you some dinner.” This, all in all, feels like a much more pleasant encounter for everyone involved.
After the dawn of mutually understood gesture and spoken language, for many generations the only technological advance in human interpersonal relations was the refinement of those languages and the beginnings of our ability to write them down. Only when the wheel came along in roughly 4000 BC did we take another leap forward. The wheel, particularly when combined with the horse-drawn chariot (in about 2000 BC), enabled people to travel from place to place more easily. In that moment, the wheel changed our experience of “proximity.” It was now easier to actually meet up with someone. Because of this technology, more people interacted, more ideas were exchanged, trade increased, and various tribal languages began morphing into common, widely used languages. As transportation advances encouraged increased trade over longer distances, more and more people were forced to learn other languages and customs. This was the early beginning of multicultural exchange. Simply put, as humankind developed technologies useful to a more productive existence, these technologies influenced how we communicate and develop relationships, even to this day.
However, it was the invention of spoken language and, later, written communication that was the technological leap with the most profound effect on human interaction. Writing, in particular, has had a lasting impact as the written word is both transportable and preservable. With the advent of the written word, the thoughts, past experiences, and ideas of individuals and whole cultures could be chronicled and shared with people in other places. Indeed, writing allowed us to both send and receive information from people living too far away to readily visit, also allowing us to convey our history, knowledge, and existence to future generations. No longer did we have to depend on song or storytelling to pass down this vital information. Furthermore, we could now turn to recorded history to (hopefully) learn from our ancestors’ survival successes and failures.
In ancient times, the abilities to both travel and write were privileges of the elite. Horse-drawn chariots and other means of “rapid transit” were beyond the economic reach of the masses, and education was a luxury few could afford, even in the rare cities and towns in which it was available. Even wealthier, educated people sometimes had difficulty obtaining the quills, ink, and paper needed for writing, as these items were scarce. Consequently, up until a few hundred years ago the vast majority of humanity continued to solely communicate face-to-face, in the same room, using spoken language. Even the invention of the printing press in 1441 did little to change this, except among well-heeled denizens of the more technologically advanced nations. It wasn’t until the 1800s that travel (think various applications of the steam engine) and the written word (driven by those with a fervent interest in spreading both religious and political dogma) became accessible to commoners—and even then this occurred only in wealthier nations.
The 800th Lifetime
In his seminal 1970 book Future Shock, Alvin Toffler wrote: “Almost invariably, research into the