Write Better and Get Ahead At Work. Michael Dolan
point of view: 2, we, us.
The content of the second rewrite matches the reader point of view of the personal words. It is not about the committee or a committee decision. It is about recycling for the reader. Note also, how the first personal word in the final rewrite is “you.”
Having mastered this simple method for determining point of view, take a look at your own work. Count the personal words. Most people have only one or two “you” words in a one-page memo. For most people, the first personal word is an “I” word. There is no rule on what to do. Use the results of your measurement to determine how close you are to the point of view you want to achieve. When you add more “you” words, you’ll also see a shift in content, away from your needs and toward the reader’s needs. People will like your writing if it is about their needs. Nothing is more important that you. Cole Porter, I think, says it best:
Like the drip, drip, drip of the raindrop, when the summer shower is through
A voice within me keeps repeating you, You, YOU.
Night and day, you are the one,
Only you beneath the moon and under the sun.
Practicing Point of View
Here are some passages written from the writer point of view. Rewrite them so that they show the reader point of view. (Samples of possible responses are in Appendix I.)
1. So that we can speed up the order, we need all the information listed on the accompanying form.
2. Our services are state of the art. Our response time is the fastest in the business. We have the largest amount of stock available. And we have more locations than any of our competitors.
3. Payroll checks will now come out on the first and the third Friday instead of the second and fourth, beginning next month. Consequently, the series will include one one-week pay period rather than a three-week pay period. Those with individual questions can ask their office managers.
4. I think the project is going well. The other department managers have approved most of the recommendations in your memo. I don’t know if you got the schedule at the meeting last month, but the project will probably be completed by the deadline.
From the General to the Specific
From time to time, you will find yourself wrestling with several points to make about one subject. A useful rule to follow is “from the general to the specific.” Make the main point first, then back it up with specifics. Here is an example:
“Our department is working too many overtime hours. Last month, the staff totaled 102 overtime hours. That is a 10 percent increase over the previous month.”
Helpful with Numbers
Notice how the writer states the conclusion for the reader. Figures then support the conclusion. While not all specific statements in memos use figures, much information in work writing is conveyed by numbers. When you use numbers, especially if you have a complex array of figures, make a general statement before you introduce them.
A common place for going from the general to the specific is when you are writing an example. In the first sentence of a paragraph, clearly state a conclusion you can support by facts. Then use figures, quotes or eyewitness accounts to illustrate the first sentence. The LEB123S format (Chapter Three) follows the general to specific rule.
The following passages illustrate the general-to-the-specific rule. The general statements are underlined. The first example is simple. Others become more complex.
Our department is the most productive in the company. We were the only department to achieve all of our strategic goals last year.
People who eat a light lunch perform better than those who eat a heavy meal at noon, according to Dr. Angus Craig of the University of Sussex.
Dr. Craig, speaking at an American Medical Association sponsored conference, reported that alertness and efficiency reach a low ebb about two hours after one begins eating lunch.
If you write anything—a letter, a memo, a pamphlet, a company brochure, a report—never underestimate the power of anecdotes. If you come upon one in your preliminary research, don’t just smile and go on. Take it down carefully; it’s valuable stuff—in interest, in reader appeal, in forcefulness, in general all purpose usefulness for written presentation.
–Rudolf Flesch
Practicing general to specific
I’ll give you the first, or general, statement, then you fill in the specific. Just like the examples above. You can use the general statement I give you literally, or you can change it a little.
1. General statement: My city is the best in the state.
2. General statement: My city is the worst in the state.
3. General statement: My favorite day of the week is __________. (Fill in the blank.)
4. Now you do a general and a specific.
Using Technical Terms
A technique similar to the general to specific rule applies to using technical terms, sometimes called “jargon.” Usually, you do not want to use jargon, the over specialized terms that only a few readers recognize. However, some terms are necessary to include in memos or letters. For instance, for legal or company policy reasons, you may have to refer to a specific program or penalty. Your reader, however, may not be familiar with the terms you must use to make your point.
When you have to use technical terms, try to explain them. Sometimes you may have to say the same thing twice, in two different ways. Such a practice is not unnecessary repetition. Instead, it is writing that achieves two goals; the first goal is compliance with laws or rules requiring the use of certain terms; the second goal is clear communication to a reader who is unfamiliar with the subject. The passage below is an example from an insurance company. Adhering to strict legal guidelines, the writer must inform an injured worker about a particular program. Because disputes over payments may eventually lead to lawsuits, the writer must notify the reader of the exact name of a particular program:
“Because of the length of time you have missed work due to injury, you are required to participate in the vocational rehabilitation program. This mandatory program provides services to help you return to work as quickly as possible.”
Note how the writer fulfills legal requirements by using the proper technical term, “vocational rehabilitation program.” Then, to ensure communication, in the next sentence, the writer describes the situation in plain words.
About EMail
People often ask about writing for email. Is email different from a paper memo? Not really. The same ideas apply. Email is a tool that accomplishes the goal of communication more efficiently. The same ideas of structure apply: make sure to have a main point, a fact and an action statement. In fact, e-mail only emphasizes one of the characteristics we discuss often in this book: state the main point right away. Sometimes the computer screen shows the email viewer only the first few lines of your message. So your reader makes a judgment quickly on the lead.
The problem that most frequently arises with email is that it allows a person to do so much so often — maybe too much. You can write forever on a computer screen. It’s so simple to go on and on and on because you no longer have to bother with the complication of typing and removing typos. Also, it is possible, by email, to communicate with more people than necessary to accomplish your work goal.
Even