Soul Sketches: How to Craft Meaningful and Authentic Eulogies. Elaine Voci Ph.D.
growing number of people, however, do not want a traditional religious context for the funeral or memorial service, seeing themselves as “spiritual, not religious”. Such families may choose to work with a trained Certified Celebrant to officiate at the service. Celebrants bring a philosophy and approach that can best be summed up as “Your voice, your choice, your ceremony.” In an intimate and private setting, they spend a number of hours talking with family members of the deceased to discuss their vision for the funeral ceremony. Celebrants will bring suggested readings, music, rites and personal touches to create a unique and spiritual service. They will listen to and gather stories and memories about the deceased to craft them into a personalized tribute. Everything from the music, quotes, readings, to the flow of the service and the eulogy itself will be approved by a designated family member prior to the service. On the day of the funeral, the family receives a beautiful copy of the service as a keepsake.
Needs of Mourners
Whoever is chosen to play the role of conducting the funeral or memorial service, they have been given a precious trust in which to create and hold sacred space for family and friends at a difficult and painful time. They must recognize that mourners have particular needs to be met including:
•Sufficient time to acknowledge the reality of death and to cope with a complex mix of feelings – love, hope, sadness, anger, regret, guilt, alienation, memories (good and bad) and gratitude
•Being able to move toward the painful loss by receiving compassion and sensitivity for the expression of raw emotions
•A chance to find meaning in the loss from the skill, training and experience of a wise officiant who shows an understanding of what makes for a satisfying and uplifting service
•Support and time to continue their relationship with the deceased through opportunities to share their memories of the person with others
•Gentle help in forming a new self-identity through an overall process designed to shape the mood and rhythm of the whole funeral service
•A clear communication of the purpose of each part of the service and how it fits into the larger design of the funeral
Amid all the changes in social mores that surround funerals, the ritual that continues to assist the living and honor the dead is the eulogy. It gives room for laughter and tears; it offers encouragement and inspiration; it connects mourners to the mystery of life.
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