Senior Year, '94. Megan B. March
“Number twenty-five. I got the works, hope that’s okay?”
Yup, I called that one right ... unless he’s forgotten what I like? Sometimes I’m not sure. I inwardly cursed his memory issues.
“Oh, that’s fine. I’ll just pull off what I don’t like,” I commented like it was no big deal, and poured myself a glass of root beer. I didn’t bother to pour Jensen any. He was getting on my nerves. Him and that stupid goatee that matched his asshole attitude. He poured his own cup after I set the pitcher down and eyed me as he took a drink. I smiled sweetly at him. It was fake and he knew it.
“What are we doing?” Jensen wanted to know. The piece of ice he was chewing on was instantly swallowed.
“I don’t know. Eating?” I played dumb.
Jensen became exasperated and gave me one of his noted looks. “Seriously.”
Putting my glass down, I folded my arms across my chest and gave him an annoyed look of my own. “I don’t know, Jensen, you tell me. You’re treating me like I’m one of your guy friends instead of your girlfriend.”
“Are you my girlfriend? Lately your body language seems to say hands off.” My boyfriend of three years raised his arms in the air like he was being arrested. “I even feel like I have to ask if I can kiss you. You only touch or get close to me when there are other girls around. What’s the deal with that? It’s like you’re staking a claim on something you don’t really want.”
“Fuck, Jensen, that’s a shitty thing to say.” I glared at him. “You were blatantly flirting with Bree. Are you that pissed off that you’re trying to get back at me? You know I need some space.” I swallowed hard before saying any more, and even though I knew it wasn’t fair, I pulled out the Fallon Card. “You cheated on me with that Fallon girl and I can’t just forget that.” Seeing the way the muscles in his neck twitched, I knew I had hit a nerve. “Let’s just try to have a nice meal before you leave tonight. After that I need some time to think things over.” I could feel tears coming to my eyes and I fought to hold them back. “It doesn’t mean we’re breaking up or that I don’t love you, but you have to understand the last two months have really been hard on me”
“Alright,” Jensen surrendered, self-massaging his right shoulder with his left hand. Appearing deflated, he sat back and looked around before pulling a chain out from under his shirt with a recognizable ring attached. I hadn’t seen it in such a long time that it caught me off guard.
“You’re still wearing your ring ... around your neck?” I was a little surprised.
He stopped playing with the ring and then held it between his fingers.
“Where’s the other one?” I asked, not quite sure if it was still my ring.
“In a safe place,” he answered without looking at me. “It’s at home in my dorm room.”
Jensen let go of the ring, and it silently dropped against his chest. It was the first time I had ever heard him refer to his dorm at college as his home and it stung a little. Whether he intended it to or not, his statement validated that he really didn’t live here in Juneau anymore.
Letting out a sigh, Jensen leaned forward and gently moved a strand of my hair away from my face. “Mia,” he said, “I realize I was pushing you too quickly to get married. We have a long time to decide on the next step. What you’ve been saying has finally sunk in. You’re right. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right.”
I am? What just happened? Does he not want to be engaged? We’re not engaged anymore?
What Jensen had to say left me feeling a little unwanted. Was he saying that he no longer wanted to be engaged? Was he saying that he no longer wanted me? I was a bit confused since he was still wearing the ring I gave him. True, it wasn’t an engagement ring and he wasn’t wearing it on the ring finger of his left hand, but it was close enough. Before I could respond to what Jensen said, a guy’s voice boomed over the loud speaker that our order was ready to be picked up.
“Sorry about the toppings. I guess I kind of forgot what you liked,” Jensen said as he placed the pizza down on the table, but instead of giving him a smart remark I only smiled. His weak apology seemed genuine.
Mostly we ate in silence, only sharing small talk about school, the pizza, and the barrage of people who had suddenly come in. The group looked like they were getting ready for a birthday party and I was glad we were wrapping up when they began to get rowdy. Jensen got up and asked for two small boxes for the leftover pizza since he had ordered an extra-large and he didn’t want me going home empty-handed. I imagined he would be giving his leftovers to Gabe as compensation for him loaning Jensen his car and allowing him to stay at his place for the weekend. I felt rather awkward holding on to my box and again opening my own door after we left the restaurant and got into Gabe’s car. Looking for something to say, I asked where Gabe was that he didn’t need it.
“Guess.” Jensen looked at me and cracked a large smile, making it so that I didn’t have to guess more than once that he was with Marissa. Gabe and Marissa had hit it off when he’d met her in the fall while buying his books for the classes he’d registered for at the University. I pressed my lips into a thin line, but broke to a smile a second later as I recalled Gabe’s subsequent visit to my apartment where I had wanted to ask his advice about Nate and Jensen and ended up first giving him advice about dating her.
“When does your plane leave?” I asked as Jensen pulled out onto the highway and headed toward my house. It was almost two in the afternoon and I had a lot of homework I needed to get through.
“Five. After I drop you off, I’ll probably hang around Gabe’s. He’ll take me to the airport,” Jensen added.
Taking that as a clear sign he didn’t want me to see him off, I again said that I had a lot of homework in order to keep a bit of my pride. I quickly catalogued what had taken part thus far during his visit: his apparent sadness the prior night at the restaurant of not being Solveigh’s father, him paying attention to Bree this morning, he not unlocking and opening my car door like he always had before, and his idea that we go Dutch at the pizza parlor. His actions were wearing me a little thin. Sounding exasperated, Jensen reminded me that I had already told him about having a lot of homework and that’s why he was taking me home. Our whole time together had been strained and I almost wished he hadn’t visited. Almost. I still loved and missed him deeply, so any time I got with him, even strained, was welcomed. Somehow we’d figure this whole mess out and our relationship would get back to where it once was, I hoped.
We hadn’t been in the car long before Jensen pulled Gabe’s Honda up into the driveway behind my truck and let the engine hum quietly while he put it in neutral and shook the stick back and forth. That was something he used to do with his Jeep to confirm it was in neutral and I picked up the same habit from him. Today, it just seemed like he was nervous as he kept shaking the gearshift back and forth. Instead of making a comment about that, I took in a deep breath and asked him what I really wanted to know—whether or not he wanted me around to see him off at the airport. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t misread him earlier.
“Gabe’s’ got it. I’ve already asked him. Anyway, it sounds like senior year is kicking your ass and you should probably get started on your homework.” He took his hand off the shifter and began tapping the steering wheel to no particular beat with his fingers. Turning to me he gave a smile I wasn’t quite sure of and said, “I may come back for spring break.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Shit, they probably aren’t at the same time, are they? When is yours? Tell me and I’ll try and make a mental note of it.”
“I guess it’s probably around the first or second week in April, but I’m not sure”
“I’ll double check when mine is. I think it’s in late March, but I can’t fucking remember.”
Jensen looked frustrated for a second or two and then surprisingly leaned over my way