America's Best Colleges for B Students. Tamra B. Orr
you will want to read my story …
My parents, Jean and Jasper Carpenter, first moved …
These are boring lead-ins and you will most likely have lost the reader’s attention in the very first paragraph. Start with something interesting, eye-catching and unique. Grab the admissions officer’s attention by writing something that will make him or her put down that cup of coffee, sit up straight in the chair and want to read what comes next.
Your first draft should be written without worrying about grammar, spelling or punctuation. You want to get your best thoughts down first, without being slowed down by rules. In case you don’t remember the basic structure from endless English classes, you need the minimum of a five-paragraph essay. It should look pretty much like this:
| INTRODUCTION thesis statement |
| BODY: Paragraph 2 support for thesis statement |
| BODY: Paragraph 3 support for thesis statement |
| BODY: Paragraph 4 support for thesis statement |
| CONCLUSION summary of main points |
When you are done, show the first draft to your friends and family. Ask their opinions. Should you give more detail? Was everything clear? Did it represent your personality? Is this how they would have imagined you answering the question? Listen carefully to their feedback so you can use it in your revisions.
Now write a second draft, pulling in any extra details you remembered and keeping others’ comments in mind. This time, fix any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors. Share it with a favorite teacher or your guidance counselor. Get their comments. Go back to the desk. Go through it again, keeping the new feedback in mind. Run spell check (but do not depend on it) and print. You’re ready.
What If I’m Not a Writer?
It is entirely possible that you are a whiz at math or a mad scientist, and writing just isn’t your forte. If this is true, the college essay may be all that much more intimidating. So let’s give your essay some thought before you begin to put words on paper.
Here are some ways to take your brilliant ideas and eventually come up with an essay. Which one sounds best to you?
Get a tape recorder and tell what you would like to have in your essay. Consider this your first draft. Listen to it and refine it and when it centers on what you want to say, either type it as you listen or ask someone else to transcribe it for you.
Sit down and talk to your parents or a special friend about your response to the essay question or topic. As you speak, have that person make a list or an outline of what points you mention. Once you have a basic roadmap, it can be easier to start writing the essay.
Find some friends who are writers and ask for their tips, ideas and suggestions. Have one of them tutor you through the process as you write the essay.
Get some books from the library that have sample essays and see if you can use them as inspiration.
Ask your English teacher for some guidance in putting your ideas on paper.
Check to see if the college you are applying to allows for some flexibility in the format of your essay. If so, you might be able to write it as a lab report or some other format that feels more comfortable to you. You might also see if a college will accept a verbal essay rather than a written one.
Write the essay as best you can and then let someone who writes very well go over it for suggestions, corrections and revisions.
LET ME EXPLAIN …
Remember in Chapter 3 how I talked about “taking the credit; taking the blame”? Let’s return to this theme for a moment. An essay is one of your best opportunities to explain your grades. If you can do this clearly and honestly without resorting to whining and complaining, then you are doing yourself a huge favor.
Let’s take a look at three partial sample essays that explain, in three very different ways, why these students’ grades are less than stellar. Can you relate to what they say? How could you write your essay?
Example 1
Reaching and then maintaining high grades has always been a struggle for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about school, because I did. Basically, there were so many issues going on inside my house that I rarely had a moment to give to homework or studying. I have a younger brother named Kevin and he has cerebral palsy. He has to spend most of his time in a wheelchair and since both of my parents work, it is my job to take care of him as soon as I get home from school each afternoon. I don’t mind doing it, but it really makes it hard for me to sit down and study for more than a few minutes at a time. Sometimes it also meant that I was up later than I should have been and then I was tired for class the next day.
Has your family experienced something that has made it harder for you to study and maintain good grades? It might be an illness or sickness, moving, divorce, a parent in the military, etc. Think about it for awhile. Maybe to help your family you have had to work two jobs. Perhaps you have had to help out in the family business. What are some reasons that you simply could not study or do as well in school as you had hoped?
Example 2
The only person that I can blame my poor grades on is me. For the first two years of high school, I just did not put the effort and time into my classes that they deserved. I spent most of my time playing sports and spending time with my friends. In my junior year, however, that all changed. One of my best friends died in an automobile accident. It came as quite a shock to me. I guess, like a lot of other teenagers, I thought I was immortal and this accident proved me wrong. Moreover, it made me realize that time really is limited and if I wanted to go to college and pursue music, I had to start taking school a lot more seriously. Since that time, I have been working to make high school my first priority. It has not been easy and I am still struggling in a couple of my classes, but my GPA has steadily gone up.
Does this story sound familiar? Did something happen to you during your high school years that changed your perspective on things? Did you blow off school for a while and then something got your attention focused in a different direction? If you admit that once you didn’t do so great but you’re better now and why, it can be quite persuasive.
Example 3
My GPA is low for one reason and that is math. My teacher was very supportive and spent a great deal of extra time tutoring me but it never seemed to work. For whatever reason, math just continues to be incredibly difficult for me. As abysmal as I am at numbers, however, I excel with words. I love to read the writings of other authors as well as pen my own. I have kept journals since I was six years old and have written more than 100 short stories. I’ve won a number of local and regional contests and truly believe that my future will center on the publishing world. In the meantime, however, my math grades will keep pulling down my GPA and I will keep muddling my way through numbers while I am covering my notebooks with words.
Is there an area in which you stand out from the pack and another that is a constant struggle? Talk about it. Explain this challenge and what you have done to address it and even compensate for it. It is okay to honestly state that you are not as strong in one subject as you are in another. Show how you use that experience to fuel your productivity in areas where you do excel.
Out of Your Hands
It is done,