Select Episodes from the Mr Farmhand Series. Carol Jenkins
W. has a penchant for Redhead Matches on account of which he is seldom hired by folks who have barns full of straw or unattended hayricks. Mavis Eggwhistle says Frank is his own worst hindrance and he should never have toasted marshmallows on his plastic hoe, even if it did start out life with a metallic and woodgrain finish. Still, if there is a bumper crop of rhubarb flowers to hoe, such as Miss Ingrid Periz who, for insurance purposes, photographed them here at work in her New Jersey kitchen garden, you could do worse than the Farmhand cousins for hired help.
Photo courtesy of Ingrid Periz.
BLUE RIBBON SHOW RABBITS
Most would be surprised to know that Bart Brassica has a, well, soft spot might overstate the case, but a predeliction for Show Rabbits. This Ticked Flemish Giant, alias Peter, has been known to bite, which might be one of the reasons Mr Farmhand will not come near Bart’s place these days, but despite his temperament Farmer Bart has entered Peter in the Best in Show category. Mavis Eggwhistle’s bunny, Chequers, is also in the running, so this will be a lively event to watch out for.
PEAS UNEARTHED
This postcard from Frank Winkler, where he writes that he has taken up Peas Meal work in the Table Lands, has caused more gossip in Flemington than the recent Atrocious weather. A few folks at Rose’s Cafe say that pile of peas looks awful like rocks in the State Penitentiary. Mr Farmhand declines to say anything but then he was always pathologically reticent.
Photo courtesy of Ingrid Periz
AMERICAN GOTHIC: BART BRASSICA AND COLOUR FIELD THEORY
Well, Bart is unimpressed, some varmint has got into his Colour Field and made a dreadful mess. His theory is weasels with wet tails but it is hard to explain how that much green has gotten into the yellow or where all the pond water went.
MAVIS EGGWHISTLE’S SIGNATURE DISH CURRIES FAVOUR
Coming in for lunch yesterday Bart Brassica found a fancy plate with an enormous Curried Egg had been left on his porch table. Every one in Lambertville, except Bart, knows perfectly well that this must be from Mavis Eggwhistle, being as she puts it, her ‘signature dish.’ Her cousin Betty Liu Eggwhistle says Mavis is plain silly with all this signature dish nonsense and it was their Grandmother Hetty Egg’s recipe in the first place. And she adds, Betty Liu always likes to get in something extra, the curry powder Mavis uses always gives her indigestion. Still, Bart may actually be smiling in this photograph, if you look very closely.
FISHY THOUGHTS IN A FISHY SHADE
Since the pond water disappeared a few weeks back, Bart has been wondering about where the fish went to such an extent that he now dreams of flying fish, fly fishing and, this is the strange part, as you can see here, breathing under water.
THE ODDITY OF BART B’S COLOURISED SHADOW
In most regards the Farmhand cohort are perfectly ordinary folk, but it has been remarked, quite often and not altogether flatteringly, that Bart Brassica’s coloured shadow is peculiar. There are a number of theories as to why Bart Brassica has a colour shadow. He claims he had a normal blackish sort of shadow until some fool fiction writer took a Polaroid photo of him, photocopied it and coloured the whole lot it in. Mavis Eggwhistle has been caught messing around with various kinds of coloured cellophane in her shop window and has managed to get a cerise shadow a few times but Granny Egg says she must be colourblind if she thinks that washed out monochrome thing would fool anyone, even a one-eyed farmer.
DAFFO DOWNS AND THE DODGY ELEVATION
Bart Brassica is trying out a new crop of Daffodils, which has one half of the neighbourhood talking about just what set off this rush of interest in daffodils, and the other half, his Farmer friends, saying what the dang hell is Bart doing working up high, his head way up in the blooms, taped to a pole? If you look closely you can just see an edge of what looks suspiciously like masking tape is keeping him strapped to that bamboo pole and up in the air, hardly a safe work practice. He has been up there for some time now and while it is a perfectly lovely day, and undoubtedly the outlook is very pleasant, his neighbour Hetty Egg is thinking about starting up her ancient Cherry Picker and driving right over there if he is not down by 4pm sharp.
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