LIVE The Truth In Your Heart. Linda Taylor
in the familiar. What my mind could see did not require me to stretch my limits, nor did it require me to rely on God’s supernatural strength. What my mind could see did not require faith. I was torn.
Too many times to admit to, I gave in to the voice of reason that said I would not fully succeed at living out my life’s purpose either because it was not clear in my mind, it was too risky, or because it would require too much sacrifice and was likely impossible.
Here is a tip for you: If you can see with your own eyes exactly how everything will work out, you are not thinking big enough. Give God an opportunity to work a miracle in your life!
The dream that lived in my heart and what was going on in my head could not be reconciled. I could not fully understand how I could make God’s promise a reality. With each passing day, confusion and anxiety grew stronger within me. I often retreated to my comfort zone, and I did not take action. There was an internal conversation going on 24 hours a day that told me no matter what path I sought to take I would not be successful. I could hear myself thinking that I would not be good enough, wouldn’t know enough, and wouldn’t have the resources to make it. These thoughts crippled me, and I settled in for many days of ordinary living, rather than the extraordinary living that awaited me. The promise that was placed in my heart was left untouched, waiting to be freed.
I was living far beneath my God-given potential, and I was not using my gifts for my good or for the good of anyone else. This was my struggle. More than anything, this stole my joy. I wanted more for my life, and more to be done through my life for others, but I could not make it happen. It was heartbreaking. So I continued living my life, unconsciously, and short of my goals. I could not find the energy to do what needed to be done to move me closer to what I hoped for. I didn’t know how to close the gap between the desire that had been placed in my heart and what was being played out in my life.
I was in a rut, spinning my wheels and going deeper as time went by. My actions were monotonous and just barely enough to get me through the day, the week, the month. Soon, years had gone by and I was still circling the same block, always checking my rear view mirror thinking about the past, and rarely looking ahead to the future. I was still in the same funk I was in years ago. No action. No change. I was in a state of simple existence, and I had no idea what to do about it.
I was slowly losing my edge and I was feeling like a fraction of the person I once was. The desire that had been burning so bright inside was dimming, and that scared me. I frequently asked myself ”How did I get to this point in my life? How and why did I allow this to happen?” I knew without question that my life was purposed for greater things. That was God’s promise. I knew it in my soul, and I was determined to get there.
Are you aware that there is an internal conversation going on in your mind right now about who you are and who you believe you were called to be? Look at your life and determine if you are simply going through the motions or if you are working with great intention to live out your calling. Is the real you allowed to shine through? Can you honestly say that you are excited about the potential for what each day will bring? When you sincerely address these questions, if your answers are anything less than what is ideal for you, then I urge you to take action. These are critical questions that will, at a minimum, start the conversation of truth in your life.
At a certain point, I chose to have this conversation of truth with myself. I began to recognize that there was this false sense of happiness that prevailed in my life that others saw and applauded. What they recognized as ‘success’ I knew was nothing more than a degree, a title, and a great salary. Although I was thankful for my ‘success’, I knew that there was so much more waiting for me. Deep inside, where no one else could see or touch, I had this gnawing feeling that something had to change. There was a sense that the life I was living was not the kind of ‘living’ God had planned for me. I was frustrated, and I felt stuck. I had a choice to either listen to what was being revealed to me, or, I could continue to live my life unconsciously. For a very long time, too long, I chose to ignore the symptoms that I was living a life that was incomplete and not for me. I was in denial.
As I look back, I recognized that there were moments when my heart beat with a special kind of peace. I eventually learned that the people, the situations and experiences in my life were there to teach me who I was and who I was not. When I had the opportunity to be involved in activities that I loved, I was motivated and inspired. The level of happiness that rose up in me when I was working to develop other people was almost palpable. I was keenly aware of what brought me joy, and I took note.
What I came to realize was that these were not just experiences and interactions with people. These were opportunities that served to open my eyes so that I could see what God had for me. I saw, very clearly, that I loved helping people reach their goals in every area of their lives. The people and the situations were there to show me who I really was. They were there to guide me to and through the doors that were meant for me. God was showing me my life’s purpose. The irony of this was that even though I was gaining clarity regarding my calling, it was still very difficult to make my move. I often called this feeling the quicksand effect. I wanted to move. My heart said move, but my mind reminded me, over and over, that there was a real possibility that I would not make it. So I stayed.
As I continued to settle for less in my life, there were times when my heart ached with an unexplainable emptiness. I often asked myself, “Is this it for me?” As great as my life appeared to be, there was a void that needed to be filled. Even though I had a desire for more in my life, I knew that I was blessed and could be a blessing right where I was. The problem was that everyday, piece by piece, God was revealing His much greater plan for me, and I was excited and scared, all at the same time. I was excited about what the future would bring, but I feared change and I doubted my ability to be successful. The easiest thing for me to do was to not do anything. So I stayed even longer.
While it was my choice to not make a move, at every opportunity, I would share subtle hints of my discontent with family and friends. I could not bring myself to tell them what was going on in my heart and in my soul. I could not bring myself to share the battle that was going on in my head. My limited conversations with them were literally my cry for help. I wanted to experience freedom, real freedom in my life. The freedom to be me in my fullest, that person I knew I was meant to be. I wanted so desperately to stand in my moment, fully empowered to be everything God needed me to be. What I failed to realize during this time was that the only reason I had not found the real joy that was flowing in my heart was because I made the choice to stay. Because of my choice to ignore the pull in my heart, I paid the price repeatedly. What about you, what is it costing you to not follow your dreams? Are you ready to stand in your moment, fully empowered to be everything He has called you to be?
If what you know you have been called to do and what you are currently doing in your life are at odds, you will continue to feel the void. If you are confused about your calling, yet you continue on your current path, consider this your warning. You are likely headed for a dead end. When there is internal conflict in your heart, until it is resolved, you will remain in your same state of emotional unrest regarding who you were called to be or what you were called to do. It is time for you to make the decision to live a life of truth!
My heart was now screaming at me. I knew that there was something else for me in this life, and I was determined to figure out how I would get there. I balked at the thought that I would have to settle for what I felt was a good life, but not one that allowed me to live a great life -my best life. The more I scrambled to resolve my dilemma, the deeper my dilemma became. When I finally decided that I would make my move toward living the truth in my heart, I didn’t know where to move to!
You see the thing about life is this, as smart as you and I are, it is impossible to know what is truly in store for us on our own. As strategic as we may be and as intelligent as we have become over the years, it is still not enough. We will not figure it out! God has a master plan for each one of our lives, and until He reveals it to us, we must sit and sometimes lie with uncertainty and many other uncomfortable emotions for a while. That’s life. It does not always happen as fast as we want, when we want, or how we want it to happen, but it will happen.