My House Our House. Karen M. Bush
we touched throughout our lives. It is not just the size of our cohort; we redefined relationships, families, work. Life. We all want to be independent. Independence means choices and control. But, as we’re now discovering, it doesn’t require living alone.
And that’s what makes Karen, Louise and Jean’s story great.
I know the longevity revolution means that change is inevitable. That can be unsettling. We live longer, so our homes must adapt and change. The very concept of households will change as well. Cooperative householding may be a welcome island in the chaos. This book charts the course there. If you have had daydreams – or nightmares – about where you will live in the next stage of your life, read this book. Let it guide you forward into a new and thought-provoking world of possibilities.
Louis Tenenbaum
Aging in Place strategist and consultant, founder of The Aging In Place Institute, author of Aging in Place 2.0. www.louistenenbaum.com
Welcome!
Prologue
From you I receive, To you I give. Together we share, And from this we live.*
NATHAN SEGAL, “FROM YOU I RECEIVE”
This book tells the story of how three independent women and one very independent black and white cat came to share a home.
In 2004, we three fifty-something Baby Boomers were happily living alone, occasionally pondering what seemed at the time the far-fetched notion of sharing a home together in the distant future, when we retired. Then, the situation changed. Suddenly, almost impulsively, with a scant month of rapid-fire planning, we found ourselves buying a house and preparing to move in together to create a cooperative household.
Startled friends and family members made varying predictions about how long we’d survive our communal living arrangement – none very encouraging. Now, as we find ourselves happily approaching a second decade together, those predictions have been proved wrong. Not only have we survived, we’ve thrived. And along the way, we’ve developed a number of tools and resources that we hope will be helpful to anyone thinking about doing what we have done.
We offer this how-to book to get you thinking about a simple-but-effective housing alternative for independent people. Our model of cooperative householding can be created anywhere, at any age or life stage, at any level of housing cost or financial investment. Your lifestyle priorities may not be the same as ours, but we offer examples from our own experience to paint a clear picture of daily life in our community. However, it’s not the details of our lifestyle that matter, but the big-picture concepts and how they might apply to your own circumstances.
Please make yourself comfortable while we share our story and encourage you to consider this atypical yet eminently sensible, practical, economical and enjoyable housing option.
We’ll begin on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend 2004, the day we hosted a mega open house after living in our new home for just one month. During that marathon event, each of us was asked to tell our story again and again as we guided almost 200 guests through the house from noon until long after midnight. Our friends’ and new neighbors’ enthusiasm and curiosity carried us well past the point of exhaustion.
Imagine a balmy September evening. You and other guests are just arriving.
*A framed version of these words hangs in our breakfast room; we sometimes recite them before holiday meals with family and friends.
ONE
Open House at Shadowlawn
Welcome! We’re so glad you could join us for our open house. By the end of the evening, you’ll know exactly how three independent adults share communal space, yet create personal space, in ways that make this cooperative household work. But be careful – you might want to move in.
During the house tour, we’ll explain how we created the home we fondly call Shadowlawn, derived from the name of our street. We quickly found it useful to have a name for the house, not to be cute, but for ease of communication. After all, this place is “my house,” “our house,” “your house,” “her house,” “Jean’s house,” “Karen’s house” and “Louise’s house.”
Shadowlawn has more dignity than “The Old Biddies’ Commune,” the humorous name we coined when we first started dreaming about a shared venture. Friends memorialized the acronym by carving “O.B.C.” into a large rock, now nestled on the front stoop. They deposited it there in the dark of moving-in night to inaugurate our “commune.” It was waiting to surprise us when we opened the door on our first morning in the house. We re-interpret the initials in various ways. We like “Only Beautiful Chicks” best.
Our Open House Invitation
Before you come inside, join the group in the backyard. Good thing it’s not raining; no way all the guests could fit into the house. We’re glad we took the time to ring the yard with tiki torches, creating a shimmering glow on the foliage. The trees and gardens are among the things that made us fall in love with this old house, but none of us could have taken on this kind of lawn maintenance alone.
Exhausted as we are from our move, we’re loving the moment. Maybe it was crazy to host a twelve-hour open house and grill dinner for 200 a bare month after moving in, but the adrenaline-fueled adventure of the move has left us feeling like we can tackle anything. Our new-old house looks surprisingly good, certainly the best we could manage in four frantic weeks of coordinating, culling and moving our individual possessions.
The living room may be colonial at one end and contemporary at the other, but the colors blend and the green sofa makes the transition between the wildly different area rug patterns. Everyone’s furniture received a place of honor, even though the styles are so different. Jean’s softer color palette works well in the little room with the bay window and great view of the backyard and gardens. While we think we’ve created wonderful harmony out of dissonance, Jean’s daughter, Maureen, had a different view of the decor: “Nothing matches, does it?”
Since we moved in, we’ve felt a bit like trailblazers. On first meeting, people in our new neighborhood frequently exclaim, Oh! You’re one of the three . . . just like The Golden Girls . . . How’s it going? What you’re doing is fascinating . . . Can I join the “commune”?
During our first week, Jean went to the bank to change the address on her checking account, and even the teller knew our story. As you can imagine, our neighbors wondered what’s up with the three women who just moved in. Many of them are at the open house tonight, and already seem to be getting into the spirit of our adventure.
Please don’t be shy. Help yourself to shish kabob – chicken, beef, or tofu – from the grill, drinks from the patio table. We know you won’t mind the mismatched assortment of paper plates, napkins and cups at this party. Go ahead: combine the shamrock plate, the Thanksgiving napkin and the Happy Birthday paper cup as you assemble your meal.
The bizarre