Sister Lilian’s Pregnancy & Birth Companion. Lilian Paramor
The first six months after the birth of a second baby are usually quite busy, but after that the going gets easier. There is almost always a little regression in the older child and a bit of sibling rivalry. Handled with patience, the involvement of the older child, not putting pressure on the older one to be ‘big’ and realising that it is different to the first time when you could give Baby your undivided attention, you will cope with this phase.
WEANING YOUR FIRST BABY
Physiologically babies are designed to drink from their moms for two to three years which partly explains why Baby loves nursing so much. The closeness and comfort, as well as the instinctively healthy nature of babies, make it quite difficult to wean them, especially if they have nursed for a prolonged period. You have done your child a lifelong favour by breastfeeding for this extended period. Congratulations!
If you are still feeding your first child when you fall pregnant again, you will find that your milk will become less and change taste. This often makes babies more amenable to weaning. However, if you want to stop completely before falling pregnant, you will have most success by simply going cold turkey and refusing all feeds. Give a lot of extra love and attention and distract Baby when you see the desire for a feed arising. You can also refuse some of the feeds. This whole process will take courage, but you have done your bit; thus you need not feel bad if you choose to wean now. You can, of course, breastfeed right through pregnancy unless there is a threat of miscarriage and many women end up ‘tandem-feeding’ a baby and a toddler. Whatever you decide, make sure it is the right decision for you. Babies reflect their mom’s frame of mind. If you are confident and relaxed, Baby will pick that up.
PREPARING YOUR TODDLER FOR THE ARRIVAL OF A NEW BABY
It is a good idea to start preparing a toddler for the arrival of a new baby as soon as pregnancy is obvious. It might not be a concept they can grasp fully and nine months is a long time for them to wait for the ‘playmate’ they have been promised. In the early stages, they are more likely just to have a sense that something is different and may not understand that a baby brother or sister is on the way. Look at pictures of babies, point out animals and their young, page through books that show pictures of moms and babies.
Let your toddler feel when Baby starts kicking, show her your tummy and tell your first child that Baby is getting bigger and in a while will be big enough to come out. Repeat this over the next few months. A toddler takes a while to grasp this complicated event. Towards the end of your pregnancy, tell your toddler that you will be in the hospital for a few days. Explain who will do the looking after. If it’s going to be Dad, now is a good time to let them have time alone together so that your toddler gets used to the idea. If you have friends with a baby, take your child to visit or baby-sit for an hour. Talk about what will happen when Baby arrives home. Parents often make the mistake of telling toddlers that they are getting a brother or sister to play with. The disappointment is great when Baby arrives home and all he does is sleep, cry or just lie there.
Bringing a new sibling home is one of the biggest stressors in the life of a child. Try to make sure that there are no other big adjustments at this time. When Baby is born, make sure Baby gives your toddler a gift. When you arrive home, let someone else take Baby for a while and concentrate on your toddler. Your toddler may be a little subdued to start with and annoyed that you have not been at home, but be patient. Try to involve your older child with Baby if the desire is there. Your toddler may ask to hold or touch Baby. Encourage this with close supervision. On the other hand, there may be a lack of interest for a while. If so, don’t push it. Time is needed to take all this in.
Try to set aside uninterrupted, special time alone with your toddler when Baby is sleeping or when someone else is looking after the new baby. This helps to reassure your ‘big baby’ that she is still as important to you as ever. Be prepared for the possibility that there may be some regression or jealousy towards the new baby.
The whole family has adjustments to make with a new baby’s arrival. If this time is handled with plenty of patience and reassurance, you will all do well.
Part 2:
Pregnancy
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