How to Thrive in Professional Practice. Stephen J Mordue
austerity and parenting, and has frequently spoken on the radio in relation to her areas of interest.
Acknowledgements
Stephen
I wouldn’t have even thought about the things in this book if it hadn’t been for my good friend Pete Wright showing me his ‘Getting Things Done’ spreadsheet and telling me about David Allen and the art of stress-free productivity. For that lightbulb moment, and his friendship, I will be forever in his debt.
Thanks to Gareth Clegg for being a constant source of inspiration from our first moments of friendship at age 12 and throughout my life. Though miles and time separate us, you are always there. Things that fit endure.
A huge thank you to the people I work with who have indulged me by letting me introduce the ideas contained in this book to the University of Sunderland’s social work students. Thanks to the students who have endured my faltering explanation of all manner of things relating to self-care and productivity as I figured out how to say what I wanted to say. And a big thank you to Anna Short for sorting out my Self-care Triangle graphic!
And, without doubt, thanks to Christine, Jonathan and Luke for their unfathomable love that sustains me.
I dedicate my words written on these pages to my mam and dad who have always believed in me.
Lisa
Some people have come into my life and made it great, others have made it great once they have left. I look to the blessings and lessons from every one of you, for they have made me who I am today.
Stephen Holmes and Lois Woods encouraged me to go to university and, in doing so, sowed the seeds of my social work career. I am truly thankful to you both as it started me on this amazing journey of self-discovery.
I give thanks to Stephen Mordue for agreeing to collaborate with me on a totally different project that led to interesting discussions around social work and self-care. This in turn snowballed into the idea of writing a book about professional self-care and hey, we did it – world domination next!
Finally, to quote Terri Guillemets, ‘I love my mother as trees love water and sunshine, she helps me grow, prosper and reach great heights.’
My ‘mam’ has been the single most loyal and consistent figure in my life. Unconditional love that knows no bounds. Guidance, wisdom and the same wicked humour has helped illuminate my way in life during times when I could not always see the way ahead. No words can ever truly reflect what you mean to me and I hope this book makes you proud, not just of me, but of you, for being ‘you’.
Steph
How lovely to get an opportunity to write in a book and then thank those who have supported you. It feels a little Oscar-like … I can dream!
Thank you to Peter Twiss, my teacher at Kelloe Primary School who printed my first stories when I was at school and supported me. Thank you to Peter Raymond, my social studies teacher at Gilesgate School, who bought me chocolate when I stopped truanting. Thank you to my dad and brother, no longer with me but I feel they believed in me.
I was able to be part of this book possibly because I asked Stephen regularly if I could contribute while we passed on the stairs at university when I lectured there too. I also genuinely believe in self-care.
Thanks to Bev and Jo, psychiatrist friends, who responded to my many messages as I shared concern about my own self-care, and writing late at night! Thanks to Rachael Woodley, who is a self-care star and is one of the most encouraging people I know in spite of adversity herself.
Thanks to my boyfriend as he never likes to be left out and would seek a drum roll if pages were audio transcribed! He did divert me from this book at times but supported more than hindered.
Last but not least, thank you to my daughters Grace and Tilly, who showed me love and really are the reason I do everything. Thanks for reading.
‘Begin with the end in mind.’
Stephen R Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Introduction: the reality of self-care
Stephen, Lisa and Steph
Let us begin…
We have all got a unique story because we are all unique. The three of us writing this book all have our own tales to tell, and you will have yours. Your life has brought you to this point, so well done for getting here. At various points during your life you will, I’m sure, have tried very hard to do things. Sometimes you will have succeeded at your endeavours and sometimes, like us, you will have failed. Occasionally spectacularly. Such is life.
Self-care is like life. We try, we fail and we try again. The self-care prescription you require is unique to you. You will need bits of everything we talk about in these pages but in a unique balance that is all yours. Experimentation is key.
This book comes with a guarantee. All of the ideas that are in here have been tried and tested by one or all of us. We come to you as people who have given things a go and have generally ended up a little better off as a consequence. Small steps lead to big changes. You might read that phrase a few times in the coming pages. You have been warned. Self-care is not about getting it right all of the time. It’s about getting it right as much as you can, realising you have neglected to get it right for a while, and knowing where to go back to in order to reengage with it. For engage with it we must.
For years on and off, my path and the paths of Lisa and Steph have kept intersecting. Snippets of conversations in corridors. Years of not seeing each other as our paths developed. During these snatched conversations there were nuggets of information behind the ‘How are you?’ ‘Fine’ type conversations that might have hinted that at times things were not fine. Lisa and I knew each other as practitioners in older people’s services. I stayed and she left to go off into children and families social work, but we still bumped into each other occasionally. I knew Steph because she hosted student placements for us and then ended up working at the same university. Over time, the conversations developed and through a chance Facebook exchange Lisa and I started talking about meditation. We met for a coffee and discovered that our unique journeys had, as it turns out, a lot of commonality. There were stories of long hours, stressful cases, too much wine and too much comfort eating. The other common thread was that we were both trying to mitigate these things. Me, largely through exercise and Lisa, through holistic therapy.
What was clear was that there was more to what we were trying to do than mere chance. The stars had aligned (Lisa will like that line!) and we were up and running on a journey of discovery to find out just what lay behind our attempts to care for ourselves and what was hindering us. We hoped we might actually find out what would help us. What was the science behind sleep, what was the research about nutrition, and was there really something to mindfulness or was it just some hippy hangover from the sixties?
We started delivering self-care sessions to students and then to practitioners. What we discovered was that everyone, to one degree or another, was involved in the same struggle. Trying to cope with the emotional labour of social work or being a student. Trying to figure out how to explore feelings. Trying to figure out how to get things done and control the chaotic world. Trying to balance everything. Trying to fit everything in. Knowing that there must be a better way but not knowing what that better way might look like. ‘If what you are doing isn’t working then maybe it’s time to do something different’, someone once said to me.
We live in an ‘information overload’ society so we knew all the relevant information was out there. What wasn’t there in people’s heads was the underpinning theory and science that said ‘do this because we know it works’. So, people were often cynical. ‘How can going for a walk help?!’ ‘How can focusing on my breathing make the slightest bit of difference?!’ What was also missing was people feeling ok about giving themselves permission to look after themselves. People could easily trot out phrases like ‘I know! If I don’t look after myself how can I look after others’, but they weren’t heeding