Protect Your Elderly Parents. Lynne Butler
or her best interests cannot mean that you only do what the dependent adult wants, as some of the wishes expressed by a dependent adult may be unreasonable. After all, you would not be in the position of guardian and trustee in the first place if the dependent adult was fully capable of making all his or her own decisions.
For example, many elderly people are understandably distraught at the thought of leaving their homes and moving into long-term care facilities or at the need to give up driving their own vehicles. This is often seen by the dependent adult as more of a punishment than anything as it represents a severe loss of freedom, independence, and even identity. However, you, as the guardian, may have no choice but to take steps to move the dependent adult or to have his or her driver’s licence revoked if the dependent adult simply cannot manage safely on his or her own any longer. In a case like that, what the dependent adult wants and what is in his or her best interest are not the same.
The wishes and intentions of a dependent adult should always be taken into consideration whenever it is possible to do so. Not all dependent adults suffer from a problem so severe that they can have no input whatsoever into things such as selection of birthday gifts for grandchildren, plans for vacation, or whether they need to see a doctor. Where the dependent adult is able to offer input that is reasonable in the circumstances, it is in the best interest of the dependent adult for that input to be heard and acted upon. Remember that you, as a guardian and trustee, have agreed to act in the least restrictive manner possible and you should remain open to opinions expressed by the dependent adult.
A mistake that is frequently made by children who become guardians of their parents is to set up matters in a way that is convenient for themselves, regardless of whether it is enjoyable, comfortable, or agreeable for the parents. This can lead to neglect and even abuse. It is absolutely essential that you work with your elderly relative to try to determine his or her wishes and to work within them whenever possible.
In determining whether having a guardian or trustee appointed for your elderly relative is in the elderly relative’s best interests, consider the following questions:
• Can the elderly relative make all personal and financial decisions for himself or herself safely and happily right now?
• If so, how long is that situation likely to continue?
• How would the elderly relative’s life be improved in the short term and in the long term by having a guardian or trustee appointed?
• What risk is the elderly relative running by refusing decision-making help?
• Is there an urgent situation existing right now that must be addressed quickly?
• Are there any solutions available that are less intrusive than a court-appointed guardianship or trusteeship? (See Chapter 3 regarding alternatives.)
• Has the elderly relative ever made any suggestions or given any instructions about who he or she would like to live with or who he or she would like to have in charge of his or her affairs?
Chapter 2 may help you answer these questions.
2
Does Your Parent Need a Guardian or Trustee?
Loss of mental capacity in an adult will be diagnosed and documented by a doctor or psychologist if an application is going to be made to the court. However, in most cases, a dependent adult’s family members are the ones who first notice there is a problem such as memory loss or an inability to do things the elderly relative used to do. The family members are the ones who have the opportunity to observe their elderly relative on a regular basis and to notice when the relative is having problems living independently. The family members usually then take the relative to a doctor for a diagnosis.
It can be difficult to know when it is time to become involved as a guardian or trustee. The following two sections describe some common behavioural symptoms shown by elderly relatives who are experiencing some loss of capacity. The lists in the following sections are not intended to be medical advice that can replace a consultation with a doctor. They are merely lists of symptoms or problems that are frequently documented by medical reports that are used in guardianship and trusteeship applications. Please note that every individual is unique and may exhibit some, none, or all of these behaviours.
Please also keep in mind that there could be medical explanations other than lack of capacity for isolated symptoms and you should rely on a doctor for help with interpreting your relative’s specific situation. For example, sometimes a person giving inappropriate answers to questions is confused and forgetful and this might be a symptom of incapacity. However, it is also possible that the person may not be mentally incapable at all but is giving inappropriate answers simply because he or she is hard of hearing. If you believe that your elderly relative is exhibiting some of these behaviours and that they may point to a loss of capacity, the first step should be to ensure that your relative is under the care of a physician who can rule out other diagnoses.
1. Indications That Guardianship Might be Necessary
Your elderly parent might need a guardian to assist with personal- and health-care decisions if he or she —
• is unable to safely prepare meals for himself or herself, leaves pots and pans on the stove to boil dry, repeatedly scalds himself or herself with hot water, starts kitchen fires, or has problems remembering how to carry out other daily tasks that used to be familiar;
• becomes disoriented when he or she leaves home, forgets his or her address, or forgets how to get home;
• fails to recognize people he or she has known for a long time;
• is unable to maintain personal hygiene on his or her own (e.g., bathing, toileting, dental care, grooming) or is unaware that hygiene is a problem;
• is unable to manage a condition or illness on his or her own, forgets to take essential medication or treatment, or because of memory loss, takes too much medicine;
• is unable to safely transfer from a wheelchair to bed, toilet, etc., on his or her own;
• neglects medical or dental appointments, does not know how to make appointments, or is unable to get to appointments on his or her own;
• forgets to shop for food, toiletries, and other essentials or is physically unable to shop for essentials on his or her own;
• is unable to maintain his or her home in a safe, hygienic manner, neglects to repair broken windows or appliances, hoards items (e.g., newspapers) to the point that they become a hazard, fails to take out garbage regularly, or neglects to clean up after pets;
• often puts things in the wrong places, for example, putting the telephone in the refrigerator;
• is experiencing more and more memory loss;
• has undergone a noticeable personality change or has become unpredictable; and/or
• would not be able to get out of the house quickly on his or her own in the event of fire.
2. Indications That Trusteeship Might be Necessary
Your elderly parent might need a trustee to assist with financial decision making if he or she —
• has been taken advantage of financially by scam artists, strangers, or family members;
• answers the door to strangers and is susceptible to being taken advantage of by them financially;
• is making irrational changes to his or her will;
• is transferring assets to friends or family members for no apparent reason, such as selling property to them for less than market value or placing bank accounts in joint names;
• forgets to pay bills, resulting in