The Last Studebaker. Robin Hemley
of the girls said anything to that. Gail picked out the carrot from the soapsuds and handed it to Meg, who wiped it off with her towel and set it beside the drying dishes.
To Gail and Meg's horror, Lois served dinner on the JFK plates. She also brought out Old Ken. She straddled the doll on the faucet so that it shot between his legs. His hands clutched the sides of the spigot, and as always, he seemed joyous at his nudity and even more perverse-looking than before.
Gail looked exasperated and said, “Honestly, Mom.”
Meg, on the other hand, acted as though she'd never seen anything funnier. She shrieked, covered her mouth with her hand, stabbed her fork in the direction of Old Ken, and gasped, “He looks like he's on a bucking bronco.”
“That's not supposed to be a horse between his legs,” Gail said.
“I know that,” said Meg, putting her fork down and giving her sister a hooded look. “I think it's funny no matter what he's doing. Isn't that right?”
“That's right, honey,” Lois said with an enormous grin. “No matter what he's doing,” and she tilted back her head and started laughing. Gail joined in, despite her attempt at sullenness. Even Meg, who tried to bite her lip into an angry look, started giggling.
Gail stopped laughing and said, “I suppose you didn't find anywhere for us to live.”
“Don't worry, I will,” said Lois.
“Dad said if you don't find a place by Wednesday, he's kicking you out in the cold. We can stay.”
“How kind of him,” Lois said. “But if he wants to kick me out in the cold, he'll have to wait awhile. It's only May.”
“Be serious, Mom,” Gail said. “Why don't you show some responsibility for once?”
That sounded like Willy talking. Obviously, Gail saw her mom as the villain.
Lois stood up. “Okay then,” she said. “Let's find a place to live.”
“What do you mean?” Gail said.
“Just what I said.”
“Now?” Meg said.
Lois told them to wait in the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with a globe and a copy of the classified section of the paper. “In case we don't find anything in the classifieds, we'll find some other town, some other country.”
“Great,” said Meg.
“How about some other planet?” Gail said.
Lois flipped open the classifieds and said, “Nope. Too small.” She flipped another page. “Too large.” She flipped another page and said, “Too expensive.”
The girls exchanged looks and Lois said, “I guess we'll have to go to France or somewhere.” She tossed the paper over her head.
“Mom!” said Gail, laughing. “You're crazy.”
“So?”
Lois turned her attention to the globe and gazed at it like a crystal ball. Then she passed it to Gail. “Go on, close your eyes,” she said.
“What for?”
“We're going to pick our destination. Like this.” She gave the globe a spin and stopped it with her finger. “Czechoslovakia,” she said. “Here. You have a try.”
Gail looked unsure, but then she drew her fingers across the stubble of the Rockies.
“You've flipped out completely,” Gail said, but she closed her eyes. Lois felt she'd won a small victory then against the rational step-by-step world Willy lived in. From now on, she'd have to spend more time with her daughters, unteaching them everything they'd learned from Willy.
Gail spun the globe. After a few seconds, she stabbed the air and her finger skidded along the surface of the planet for a thousand miles before stopping in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She smiled, but when she opened her eyes she looked disappointed.
“Oh, you know what that means?” Lois said. “You were a citizen of Atlantis in a past life, and your soul wants to return.”
“Maybe it just means the planet is two thirds water,” Gail said.
“Look, if you want to travel the globe with me, you're going to have to broaden your vision. I don't tell everyone this, but I used to be Gertrude Stein in a past life. That's why I'm so attached to France.”
“Who's that?” Meg said. “Did she live in Atlantis, too?”
“That's a good question,” Lois said. “She probably did. Go ahead and give it a whirl.”
Meg turned the globe. “Here,” she said, stopping it with her finger.
“Detroit, Michigan,” Lois said. “You can do better than that, can't you?”
“She used to be Henry Ford,” Gail said.
“Come on, one more try,” Lois said. “No matter what, this next place is where we're headed.”
Meg spun the globe while Lois clapped and yelled, “Free spin, free spin!”
Much better,” she said. “Peru.”
“Peru,” Gail said, groaning.
“Come on,” Lois said, standing up.
“I don't want to go to Peru tonight,” Gail said. “I'm too tired.”
“Where's your sense of adventure?” she said.
Lois grabbed Old Ken and led her daughters to the car. Of course, Gail and Meg fought over who would sit in front, but it was Meg's turn, so Lois promised Gail she could sit in the front on the trip back from Peru, as soon as they started crossing the Andes. Gail said she didn't want to sit in front anyway, and demanded to know where they were really headed at ten in the evening.
Lois put the car in neutral. She hadn't decided yet where to go, though she didn't tell Gail that. Instead, she danced the doll in front of Gail, across the top of the backseat. “We're going to the land of the Incas. Are we there yet? I'm hungry. I've got to go to the sandbox.”
She pushed the insanely-smiling doll in her daughter's face.
“Stop that, Mom,” Gail shouted, grabbing for the doll. “Stop acting like a child.”
Lois was too quick for Gail. Still, she obeyed her daughter and straightened up at the wheel. “Very well,” she said in a chauffeur-voice. “Instead of Peru, would daughter prefer Bonnie Doon?”
She saw a pair of headlights pull up the drive in back of them. She couldn't make out the car, but she knew who it was. The car came to a stop and the passenger's door opened. Willy walked around the car out of the glare and bent down by Lois's window, giving her a look.
“Just out for a drive, officer,” she said.
“We're going to Peru,” Meg said.
Willy nodded like he hadn't heard. He stood up and put a hand on the roof of the car. “You were supposed to take me to work,” he said.
“You were supposed to be here for dinner,” she said.
“When are you going to grow up?” he said.
Lois shrugged. From the backseat, Gail added, “That's what I keep wondering, Dad.”
Willy gave the car a tap and leaned in again. “Anyway, I'm glad
you girls are still up. I want you to meet Alice. She's waiting in the car back there. I was thinking we could drive over to Bonnie Doon or Dairy Queen.”
Gail stepped out of the car in a flash. “I'll have a Reese's Blizzard,” she said.
Meg gave Lois an unsure look. “Go ahead,” Lois said. She kissed Meg and told Willy not to keep them out too late.