Sex In The Sanctuary. Lutishia Lovely
where God wants us to be—at the summit of our lives in every way. And these are some of the ways we begin to get there. First topic: Spiritually Speaking. Dealing with a woman’s love for the God in her and therefore for herself. Of her body being a temple, that kind of thing. Looking at the necessity of loving oneself before love and respect can be given to others. Healing our spirits and reclaiming our souls. Next, Sacred Sex, and I think you’d be great here Carla. Dealing on a frank, in-your-face level about the very definite role sex plays in our lives.”
“So, I’m the only one at this table getting any, is that what you’re saying?” Carla asked with a smile.
“Now, you know that ain’t true,” Terri countered, patting her oh-so-pregnant stomach.
“I think all of our men are taking care of home,” Vivian crooned easily as she eased back in her seat with a smile. “But your story, which you’ve shared before, your knowledge of what it’s like to be single and horny, celibate and not, having a child out of wedlock and overcoming all of that to become one of God’s leading first ladies is a special kind of testimony. That’s what these ladies need today, real talk.”
“I used to get so tired of going to those singles seminars,” Pat began. “And hearing these women of God quaintly telling me to hold on, wait on God, get busy for the Lord, don’t look, it will come when you least expect it, it’s better being single because you can serve God more, and my favorite—marriage is hard, marriage isn’t all you think it is! Stay single as long as you can, they’d encourage. Of course, they were all going home to husbands.”
“Exactly,” Vivian continued. “I’ve been married for fifteen years and was a workaholic before quitting my job to help Derrick, so even though I remember lonely nights, it’s not the same as Carla’s story. Nor could I ever tell any story with your passion,” she teased, lightly grabbing her friend’s arm. “The point is, all of our stories are unique and they’re all needed. There’s a myriad of situations out there, where sex and relationships are concerned, that need to be addressed.”
Vivian paused and took a sip of her tea before proceeding. “Setting the Standard versus Society’s Status Quo deals with Godly values versus the world’s values. I think we need to draw a more definite line about what’s acceptable as a woman of God and what’s not. I think we’ve all been guilty of not stressing that enough in today’s lax society. It’s like we see so much sex that we’ve become desensitized. Having a baby and not being married is no longer the exception in our neighborhood but the rule. Not enough of us are sending the message that while we all make mistakes and God forgives, this behavior is not okay. It is not in the best interest of the woman or baby, and it’s not God’s ideal family design.” Vivian waited while the waiter poured more tea and continued. “And not having sex? That isn’t even a serious consideration for many of our young women. Being a virgin is so rare that such an admission brings applause.”
Rebecca looked up, her eyebrows raised. “Just because somebody is still a virgin?”
“Seriously,” Vivian continued. “Derrick and I were at a Christian concert the other night, and one of the young female singers proudly stated she was twenty and still a virgin. The audience cheered. Now, I’m not saying the statement wasn’t worthy of applause, but I do believe that reaction points to how unusual virginity is these days.
“The fourth and final Saturday would cover the summit theme, the Sanctity of Sisterhood. How can we be our sister’s keeper? And should we? How can we care about each other the way we used to? Respect each other like we used to. Uphold each other like we used to. I don’t want to oversimplify these issues, but I believe there would be a lot less husbands stepping out if there weren’t so many willing women to step out with, and more marriages if there weren’t so much casual sex. That we as women would feel better about each other if we felt better about ourselves. I think it’s time to really take up the cause for the Sanctity of Sisterhood and become the women who give honor to the glory of God as we set the standard for women all over the world to follow. It’s time to be the head and not the tail—above only and not beneath!”
“Unless it’s beneath our husbands,” Carla murmured.
Rebecca rolled her eyes at Carla and patted Vivian’s arm.
Vivian hadn’t realized how vehement she’d become as she finished her summit descriptions. She hadn’t noticed her eyes had become misty. The table was quiet. Chanelle folded and refolded her napkin. Ruth sat back and bowed her head as Pat looked out over the water. Carla leaned forward and spoke softly, gently teasing this time.
“And you say you can’t be passionate.”
Vivian wiped away a tear before it had the chance to run down her cheek and managed a weak smile. “I did say that, didn’t I?” She looked out over the ocean, enjoying the April breeze and remembering the conversation she’d had with Tai two weeks ago, when after Tai had initiated it, they’d discussed King’s affair.
“I’m so sorry.” Vivian wished Tai were there so she could give her a hug. “What are you going to do and how can I help?”
Tai was silent a moment before she responded.
“Tai, you still there?”
“Yeah, girl. I’m here. I’m thinking about your question, and I really, really don’t know. I’m so tired of this, so tired of feeling hurt and unappreciated and…” Tai’s voice trailed off into weary silence.
“Have you and King talked about it?”
“Not really. I asked him about Hope and he said nothing was going on.”
“Who’s Hope?”
“You remember her. She’s the one who did the dramatic reading from the Book of Ruth when you guys were here, very active, talented. On fire for the Lord, or so I thought.”
“Oh, yeah. Short, pretty girl? Lots of energy? Big smile?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I remember her.”
“Well, about a year ago she started a ministry within our church called KARE, Kingdom Arts Reaching Everybody, which emphasizes nontraditional ways for youth and young adults to serve God, like acting, dancing, sports and stuff. It’s a very good program. I was excited about it and approved it wholeheartedly along with King. In fact, I don’t doubt that she loves God.”
Vivian had leaned back in her oversized lounge chair. She had taken the phone out on the patio and stared at the beauty of her flower garden situated just beyond their heart-shaped pool before closing her eyes and trying to hear with her inner as well as outer ear. “So what happened that has you now thinking her zeal is for your King and not the King?”
“It’s not a specific incident; it’s just a feeling I have,” Tai responded. “She dresses differently, changed her hairstyle, seems to be more conspicuous, move lively in the services. I don’t have any proof that they’re having an affair, but I don’t have any proof that they’re not.” Tai laughed nervously. “Do I sound paranoid?”
“Maybe, but you have your reasons. Have you asked her?”
“Believe me, I was going to. King made me promise I wouldn’t.”
“Is that a promise you can keep?”
“I don’t know, girl, I just don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not going to continue living my life like this. King is seeing somebody. He spends too much time away from home or in his office. We’ve drifted apart again. I’m tired of putting up with his shit. I’m tired period.”
“Are you thinking about leaving King?” Vivian could barely hear her own question, she spoke so softly.
“I’m thinking about being at peace. The children love their father and he loves them. I’d never want to take that away from them. But at the same time, a woman can only take so much. You know this isn’t his first time. Or the second. How can I be guaranteed it will