A Great Kisser. Donna Kauffman
“See, there’s this other thing that he sort of mentioned, that made me think of you and…” She trailed off. And sniffled a little more.
“Ruby Jean McKenna, what have you done now?”
“Don’t get mad, okay?”
“Oh, I’m sure I will, just as I’m sure you’ll cry huge crocodile tears, and then I’ll feel like a schmuck, and then we’ll make up because I hate you being mad and sad and upset, and I’ll do whatever you ask me to, then you’ll do it all over again.”
“Good,” she said, sounding amazingly better. “Then why don’t we just skip over that part and you can just agree to do this one teensy little thing without giving me a hard time.”
“Which brings me back to why me? Arlen is not my biggest fan—”
“Because you wouldn’t fly that banner for him when he was running for re-election.”
“I run a business. I’m bipartisan.”
“He was going to pay you.”
“So do my students, and I’m not pissing half of them and their families off by flying a banner for one side or the other. Besides, that was two years ago and he managed to get re-elected anyway. As he always does. No one really runs against him, Ruby.”
“Well, here’s your chance to make it up to him.”
Jake clamped his jaw and fought the urge to yell. Or beat the wrench in his hand repeatedly against his forehead. One would have done about as much good as the other. “I don’t have anything to make up for. Other than the fact that he’s your boss, Arlen Thompson can kiss my ass.”
Ruby Jean sighed. “Can we get back to my problem then?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, and, remember you promised about not getting mad. So,” she hurried on when he just growled, “…according to the mayor, he thinks Lauren is just so career driven that she’s a little uptight, which is why he thinks she doesn’t understand about the whirlwind courtship and elopement between him and her mom. He thinks if she gets out here and, you know, relaxes a little, and finds out how good it can be when you’re not working every single minute of the day, that—”
“I get it, I get it. Thompson thinks she’s a repressed man-hater who needs to get laid so she’ll ease up on judging him for having sex with her mother. At least he married her. And did it ever occur to anyone that his stepdaughter might like what she does for a living and is perfectly happy dedicating her life to the pursuit of the happiness it brings her? And did anyone stop to consider that maybe her opinion of Arlen Thompson is right up there with my opinion of the man? And I’m not the least repressed, nor do I need to get laid, which brings me to my other point—”
“Jake, just listen a moment—”
“No, you listen, RJ. I love you, and I love that you like your job and want to stick with it. I’m proud of you, I am, and really happy that you seem to have found your niche. I think Thompson totally takes advantage of you, but you are good at what you do and I support that. But not only am I not the town ambassador, I am definitely not the town gigolo.”
“But, you’re single, and her age, and I’ve seen a picture of her and she’s not even that bad looking. If you ignore the black-framed glasses. You don’t have to, you know, sleep with her, I didn’t promise that, I just—”
“You promised? What, exactly, did you promise?”
“Well, maybe promise is too strong a word.” She rushed on. “I just sort of said that you might be willing to, you know, show her a good time. I didn’t elaborate. And the mayor didn’t ask me to. But it might be that he kind of has the impression that I meant you’d, you know, take her out. She just needs to understand a little more about romance and—”
“I am not romancing the mayor’s stepdaughter. I like his wife. Charlene seems like a very nice woman. I haven’t a clue what she sees in Arlen, but she appears to be an upbeat, positive woman, and if that can have any impact on him, then all’s the better. But I have no intention—”
“If you like Charlene, then you’ll probably like her daughter, right? Just…do this for me, will you, Jake? My job is important and this is so important to the mayor that if I can pull this off, I know he’ll keep me on staff when he runs for—” She broke off abruptly. Very abruptly.
“When he…runs for what, RJ? Is that what this is really about? These ‘aspirations’? Does Arlen have plans to try and move to the big pond of state politics? And maybe he could care less what his stepdaughter thinks of him, except that she has contacts in D.C. that might help? Because that sounds a hell of a lot more like the man I know than a guy who just wants his stepdaughter to like him.”
“I don’t know that. Really, I don’t. I only know he wants to make a good impression and it’s very important to him. And Charlene is a nervous wreck and I think it’s affecting their marriage. Apparently Lauren hasn’t spoken to her since shortly after she found out they eloped. That was six months ago now. Just…help us all out. Okay? One date, Jake. That’s all I’m asking. Just…make it a really good one. Okay?”
Jake sighed. Then he swore. “I don’t want to get tangled up in this.”
“One date is not tangling. It’s just a date.”
“With your boss’s politically connected stepdaughter.”
“You can be charming. I know you. Just…do something fun.”
He sighed again. And swore again. “Daytime date. I’ll take her up for a ride. Show her the sights from twelve thousand feet, and make the town and surrounding area look good, which won’t be hard because it’s the most beautiful place on earth. But I’m not going to preach any propaganda about our esteemed mayor. And I’m not romancing her. Cedar Springs can romance her, but I’m out of this after the plane ride.”
Ruby Jean sniffled a little, but when he didn’t say anything else, she finally dried up and said, “Okay. That sounds like fun. Make it really fun, though, okay? And don’t bash the mayor.”
“I’m fine with letting her draw her own conclusions. Deal?”
“Deal,” Ruby Jean said, not sounding entirely confident but being smart enough, for once, not to push him further.
“I really need to get back to work. What day is she arriving? How long will she be here?”
“Um…twelve thirty.”
“Twelve—you mean December thirtieth? It’s August, Ruby—”
“I mean twelve thirty, as in her plane lands out in Holden then, and I was kind of hoping you could go pick her up. In one of your planes. Because that’s way more impressive then just having her rent a car.”
“What might be impressive is her mom and stepdad driving out to Holden to greet her personally.”
“They can’t. They have that Chamber of Commerce luncheon thing that Charlene is sponsoring for that charity she started, and the mayor is the keynote speaker. So, having you there, to pick her up in a private plane, that’s perfect. But that can’t be your date! It’s not far enough. A thirty-minute hop doesn’t count. She needs a bit more…time. Okay?”
Jake looked at the clock on the wall. It was ten thirty.
“I love you, Jake. You’re the bestest brother in all the world. Thank you a million times over for helping me with this. I owe you so much. And I will make it up to you. Promise. Kisses!” And then she hung up.
Which was a good thing. That way his eardrums were the only ones assaulted by the loud clanging of metal on metal when he threw the wrench and let it bounce off the curved wall of the hangar. “It’s a good thing I love you, too,” he muttered, then rolled his tool chest closer and turned his attention back to the automatic