A Knife in the Heart. Michael Benson
Lisa said.
Rachel’s life improved immensely when she got her own apartment. Once they no longer shared the same roof, she and her parents were on even better terms with one another.
Lisa remembered the days of hanging out at Nick’s as some of the best times ever. She remembered the problems she had with Jamie Severino over Jay. That got complicated: that was what had started the big fight outside Nick’s with the brass knuckles and the cops.
Lisa had maybe the best perspective of the events that would follow because she had been really good friends with both Rachel and Sarah. In school, Lisa and Sarah used to hang out in the gym together. This was before Rachel and Joshua got together. Sarah and Erin didn’t get along because of Joshua, and Jamie and Lisa had their troubles over Jay.
Lisa and Sarah never really had a falling-out, but they did stop speaking. With Sarah and Rachel feuding over Joshua, Lisa could no longer be friends with both, and—since Rachel was her best friend—Sarah was dropped.
During the last days of their friendship, Sarah had tried to pump Lisa for info. What was up with Rachel and Joshua? Were they hanging out? According to Lisa, Sarah asked, “Could you please break them up for me?”
Lisa felt bad about it. She understood where Sarah was coming from. Sarah had lost her virginity to Joshua.
Lisa understood what a bond that could create. For four years, Lisa was with the guy who had taken her virginity; and when another girl came around, she was always willing to fight for him.
Lisa told Sarah to her face that, out of loyalty to Rachel, she had to stop being her friend. Sarah took it well. “Sarah and I never had problems. We had an understanding that I was going to stand by Rachel,” Lisa recalled.
Sarah was awesome, a really good kid, but not as innocent as some made her out to be. She was just fighting for Joshua: fighting for his love, for his attention. She even said to Lisa, she never felt good enough for him. Erin was beautiful; Rachel was beautiful; Sarah was beautiful, too, but she was insecure because of her weight problems that had plagued her for much of her life. She was cruelly affected by all of the juvenile taunts she had heard.
“Kids used to call her ‘Shrek,’” Lisa remembered. “That was so messed up—because Sarah was gorgeous.”
Lisa was aware of the escalating problems between Rachel and Sarah. Rachel would call Lisa while she was coming home from work and would talk until she was safely in her apartment. She needed somebody to talk to because she anticipated an ambush some night from Sarah.
During the last weeks of Sarah’s life, Lisa was no longer speaking with Rachel, either. But it was her own fault, not Rachel’s. Years had passed since the days of doing lines, weed, and pills at Nick’s, and Rachel had—as far as Lisa could tell—stopped taking drugs. Rachel was vocal about her disapproval of Roxies, which was like taking heroin without the needle. Rachel had seen Nick getting goofy on pills, choosing pills over everything else. That was what had broken them up.
For Lisa, however, those drug vices she had acquired while hanging out at Nick’s had become habits. She had a serious addiction. “I let Roxies take over my life for three years,” Lisa admitted. She tried to recall in detail the last time she spoke to Rachel before Rachel went to jail, but it was hard. She could remember events only as reflected in something resembling a whacked-out carnival mirror.
Rachel was with a friend of hers named Jeremy Sanders at the time. Rachel’s friends, in fact, would have said that Jeremy was Rachel’s boyfriend. He was a muscle-bound stoner, but he made Rachel “feel so safe” when he held her in his arms—his “guns.”
That there was still a soap opera going on involving Joshua Camacho would have surprised many who knew Rachel—especially Jeremy, who had been told by Rachel that Joshua was a thing from the far, far past. Rachel had assured Jeremy that she wasn’t even going to think about Joshua anymore.
That bitch on the voice mails? Those weren’t the “real” Rachel. That was an act. Rachel might have sounded pretty aggressive in her voice mails to Sarah, but in reality she was insecure. Rachel had thought about the situation with Sarah and Joshua.
“I don’t think I’m going to get to be with Joshua anymore,” Rachel said.
Lisa didn’t recall taking that too seriously. Rachel was all about breaking up and making up.
“Still, it was my understanding that she was with Jeremy at the time,” Lisa said.
At one point during that final visit, with Lisa slurring her speech and bleary-eyed, Rachel gave Lisa the ultimatum: “The pills or me.” It was the first time Rachel had ever spoken to Lisa that way—and it was obvious she was doing it because she wanted to help her. Rachel had lost Nick to pills, and now she was losing Lisa to them.
Sadly, Lisa chose the pills. She was high all of the time. She was high on the night Sarah died.
Chapter 4
LAST DAY
On Tuesday, April 14, 2009, in the lunchroom at Pinellas Park High, Sarah stood out from the crowd. While other seniors ate their lunch and chatted noisily, Sarah sat alone in a corner, eyes swollen from tears.
Her friend Amber Malinchock came over to find out what was wrong. It was Joshua. Again. They’d been going out for months, Sarah was in love with him, and Joshua said she was his one and only.
But it wasn’t true.
He was still seeing his ex, a bitch named Rachel.
As Sarah tried to survive school all morning, with her emotional upheaval, her task was complicated by texts she was receiving from Rachel, boasting and taunting that she was back with Joshua.
Amber listened to Sarah and told her to forget about Joshua. He was a jerk and she deserved someone who could love her back. Amber told Sarah they should do something to cheer her up, go shopping, go to a movie or something, but Sarah said no thanks, she needed to talk to Joshua.
That afternoon Charlie Ludemann picked up his daughter after school, as usual. He was very concerned about her. She’d been crying again. When he tried to comfort her, she pulled away from him. She’d been dieting. He yearned for her to see the light. She’d never been with a boy before. She didn’t know about all of the great guys that were out there. No matter what he said, she did what she wanted to do, and she wanted to be with Joshua.
When Sarah arrived home, she went to Myspace and checked Rachel’s latest postings.
Her rival had written: Mood: Lovin’ my boo J.
Sarah sent Joshua a text:
Whatever Joshua, you get so mad at me for everything but you don’t give a shit when she puts something up or says something. You always believe her. It’s like no matter what I do she’s always that much better. All we fight about is her or something that has to do with her, and it sucks. I hate fighting with you. I love you so much, but this shit hurts.
No response. Sarah waited an hour and tried again:
You say you love me but you don’t have the decency to text me back.
It was just past 8:00 P.M. when Joshua finally responded: Bring the movies.
Her anger forgotten, Sarah returned to her Myspace and wrote: iloveyoubaby.
It was Rachel’s night off from waitressing at Applebee’s. She was in her apartment with her friend Egle Nakaite, who’d come over to visit—and Rachel was kvetching. As usual, the subject was Joshua. She wanted to trust him, but she couldn’t. He said he was true to her, but there was all of this evidence that he was seeing Sarah, again. Joshua had slept over the night before, but then he took off. It was like he had someplace better to be. Rachel couldn’t help it. Her vainglorious mind seized at the indignity.
Rachel’s friend Stephanie Pilver remembered the distress Rachel felt when she saw the Myspace New York City photos of Sarah and Joshua, accompanied by a taunting message. It was