Shannon McKenna Bundle: Ultimate Weapon, Extreme Danger, Behind Closed Doors, Hot Night, & Return to Me. Shannon McKenna
“I did not know. I am sorry.”
“I caught his eye, somehow,” Tam continued grimly. “I don’t know how I could have attracted anyone, as filthy as I was. They never let us bathe in that place. But he noticed me. He pulled me out, took me to Titograd. Installed me in a hotel room to play with in his off-hours. There was no one left to notice or care what happened to me. They were all dead.” She stared down at her hands, twisting the sheet. “I was locked in that room for weeks. Months, maybe. In limbo. I lost track of time.”
Val rolled back onto his side, propping his head on his hand. “Go on,” he prompted quietly.
“When he was done with what he’d come to accomplish, he still wasn’t quite done with me,” she said. “He brought me back to his house in Belgrade. Ana was living there. She was nineteen. She loathed me. She acted like a jealous wife. I think he’d probably had his sick fun with her, too. She had the vibe of a girl who had been used in that way. His wife had been dead for years, and he was just that kind of man.”
“Che schifo,” Val murmured.
She looked away. “I was all right. In fact, I have Ana to thank for the concept of wearable weaponry. She put the idea into my head.”
The look on his face was almost dread. “Oh? How is that?”
“She cooked up a stupid plot to get rid of me,” Tam said. “Persuaded one of her boyfriends to come in and have sex with me while she took pictures. She wanted to show them to her father, to show him what a nasty tart I was, I suppose. Lame, in terms of a plan. She wasn’t what I would call creative. But it backfired on her.”
He shifted on the bed, his eyes intent and fascinated. “Sì? How?”
“I had a pin brooch that had belonged to my mother,” she said. “A cheap thing, cubic zirconium. When I was locked in, I would just sit and hold it in my hand. I was holding it when Ana and her friend came in. When he tried to rape me, I fought back. I got in a lucky jab. Pierced his scrotum. You cannot even imagine the sounds that he made.”
Val’s horrified flinch could be felt through the bed frame.
“He got blood poisoning,” Tam said, with dark satisfaction.
Val hissed through his teeth. “Did he…lose his…?”
“I never found out. I hope so,” Tam said. “He deserved to. Ana didn’t bother me again. And Stengl got tired of me soon after that.”
“What happened then?”
“Aren’t you just full of questions?” she grumbled. “Shut up and let me sleep, why don’t you? We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“Please tell me, Tamar,” he said softly.
She sighed. “He passed me on to one of his subordinates. It was all sort of a blur to me. Up to that point. That was when I started to sharpen up. I realized that I had to start choosing my lovers. Trading up, instead of down. Or I’d get passed lower and lower in the pecking order every time until I lost all my status as a sex object. That’s bad. That’s when you get used up and tossed onto the scrap heap.”
He nodded, with perfect understanding. “So you did? Start choosing?”
“Of course. It’s all in the attitude. I learned fast. Men are simple, basic creatures. Not that hard to manage.” She paused, eyed him for a moment and amended her statement. “For the most part, anyway. Now shut up. My throat hurts from talking so much.”
She clicked off her bedside lamp. A moment of silence in the dark, and Val scooted toward her. To her horror, he gathered her into his arms. She stiffened, in spite of how good he felt. How hot and strong.
“Damnit, Janos,” she growled. “You’re pushing me. I told you—”
“You did,” he agreed. “And call me Val.”
“I do not want to—”
“I know. I heard you the first time. I am not trying to seduce you. I just want to embrace you after what you told me. I cannot help it.”
“Thanks for the thought, but I’m not comfortable with—”
“Give it a chance,” he coaxed. “I know you can. I’ve seen you do it. Just pretend that I am Rachel.”
That made her laugh. “Ah, Val? There are a couple of really noticeable differences between you and Rachel. They’re hard to miss.”
“Perhaps, but the basic principles are the same.” He tugged her closer, massaging her shoulder. “Just hold me,” he wheedled, his voice a teasing caress. “Put my head under your chin, rub my back. Say sweet tender things to me when I wake in the night and feel frightened.”
Her laughter was nervous this time. “You wish. I’ve had a long day, and my sense of humor wasn’t great to begin with. Being mauled by a naked spy who smells like a French whore is not my idea of—”
“Shhh. Just let me hold you. Think about Rachel. It is not so hard to hold her, no?”
“That’s different,” she snapped. “I love her.”
A hole yawned in her insides. As if her sudden revelation could somehow endanger Rachel. She winced inwardly. Ah, God. She was so fucked up, it was embarrassing.
“That’s the trick, then,” he encouraged her. “Just pretend that you love me.”
Those words hit her someplace deep, like an ice pick sinking in. She stiffened, bracing against the awful pain of it.
“Fuck, no,” she whispered. “No tricks. No pretending. That’s worse than nothing, and you ought to goddamn well know it, you flip son of a bitch.” Her voice quavered off. It was happening again.
She buried her face in the pillow and tried in vain to stop it. It was like trying to stop a landslide.
Val curled himself around her like a big, warm animal, patting her back and kissing her nape as she gave in to the storm of silent sobbing. “Forgive me,” he murmured. “I spoke without thinking. I am sorry. For all of it.”
“I’m not crying because of that,” she snarled, but the soggy words became garbled. She was dismayed to realize that she was. She really was. And that was not good news. That was a lot of unshed tears. Way more than they had time to cope with. They had too much work to do.
Ah, hell. Maybe it would scare him out of her bed, she thought with a spark of vindictive amusement. Served him right for dragging up the past. Getting her all whipped up into a frenzy. Invasive jerk.
But he did not leave. He just cuddled her. He tucked her head under his chin, stroked her back, and murmured sweet, senseless, tender things in a jumbled soup of languages.
When the deluge finally moved through her and passed on, it left her beaten to the ground. Too exhausted to object to the fact that even after all the tears, the drama, the sneaky bastard still dared to pretend that he loved her.
Chapter
17
Tam’s eyes fluttered open to a scene of perfect beauty. She blinked, disoriented. She was in a baroque painting. Arches, sky. Clouds glowing a delicate pink, lit by the sunrise. The morning star glittering in the vault of pale blue and gold. All that was missing were the cherubs cavorting.
Her body felt so soft, so warm…ah. That would explain it. Beneath the thick wool blankets, she was wrapped in Val’s arms.
It was the first time in her life that she had awakened in a man’s arms without stiffening and trying to establish her personal space again as soon as possible.
This morning, she was in absolutely no hurry. She could happily stay just like this. A little moment of stolen peace. She wanted it to last and last.
She gazed at his sleeping face. Slumber soothed the rough edges, the lines of stress and strain.