Her Unexpected Affair. Shea McMaster
know. But as much as I want to know why he picked me, I also want to know if he will be exciting. Will he be comforting? Or too focused on business to notice anything more than how perfect a hostess I am?” Like anyone would believe that of her. She rarely had a hand in any sort of party planning, unless it was to decorate for a wedding or corporate event, and her assistant usually handled those details. Did Shan’s housekeeper or secretary currently handle those details for him, just as they’d handled many of the details of his condo remodel?
Her mother softly scoffed. “Of course he’ll be most attentive. He knows how to cherish a wife.”
“He’s never had a wife, so how can you know that? Will I ever be more to him than another accessory in his perfect life? Will he tolerate my imperfections?” Not that she’d tried to hide them, but she did have some. She grew impatient from time to time. Liked to leave her shoes by the front door of her apartment. Didn’t always make her bed and sometimes ate ice cream for dinner. When she actually ate at home. She also loved to spend Saturdays in her pajamas with her nose in a book or watching a drippy, sappy movie on Netflix. When she had a Saturday at home. Something that happened only about twice a year.
“All beauty has some imperfection, you know this. You plan for it in your designs. He knows this as well.”
Surely dear old Mom was making some of this up as she went along. Or did she know about the cuckoo clock her latest clients insisted on including? “How do you know he knows this? Do you know him personally?”
“I know what his parents have told us, and they know him better than anyone. Same with you. We have not misrepresented you during the marriage negotiations.”
Oh goodie. She could just imagine. “What have you told him?” Hopefully not about her sloppy Saturdays. Just one more thing that would probably disappear forever now.
“About what? We told him you were raised to respect your heritage. You honor your ancestors and respect the old ways. But he can also see you’re a modern woman. As he is a modern man. As we all have to be to thrive in this world. We’ve chosen this life away from China. We’ve adapted. As have all who emigrated when our ancestors did. We adapted without forgetting our roots.”
Roots that extended across the wide Pacific Ocean and deep into the soil of China. A land that had changed so much from the one her great-grandparents had left so long ago. So changed that those old days were more a dream than history. Her two years in China had shown her many alterations from the stories told down the generations.
“But being a modern woman doesn’t mean you’ve turned your back on our ways. You know what he expects of you. A sophisticated woman on his arm, a hostess for his home, a lover in his bed, a companion and helpmate, and children to continue the legacy.”
“Ah, children. Now there’s a concept.” Not one she’d ever spent any time contemplating. Children belonged to her brother, cousins, and friends. She was the favorite Auntie who happily returned them to their parents when they needed feeding, changing, or a nap.
“Believe it or not, children will bring joy to your life. Most days.”
The laugh at her mother’s sly expression escaped before Meilin could stop it. “I’m sure. Some days more than others.”
“Today should be one of those days, and yet, I find my heart uneasy. You agreed to this, Meilin. And while you haven’t been exactly over the moon, you seemed happy enough about it. It’s time to take on the next role. Time to do your share to honor the sacrifice your ancestors made by leaving China.”
“My honored brother already has three children. The family legacy is secure.” Her sarcasm rolled right over her mother’s head. “Why I have to add to it, I’m not quite sure, but you’ve always told me someday this would come to pass.” She raised a hand to her temple and rubbed. Traces of her night out lingered, and she could use a good long nap. “So I’ve agreed to do my duty. I’ll be the best wife I can be and hope he is forgiving when I fall short.”
“You won’t fall short. And if you do, there will be times he does as well. He’ll miss a dinner, or school event, or even forget a birthday or anniversary. It won’t be because he wants to, but rather business will demand it. A business that is there to keep you and your children dry, warm, and safe. To give you a life of security and dignity. To provide your children with the best advantages to make sure their futures are solid. It’s what good parents do.”
Yes, her own father had missed events on occasion. Not often enough she’d ever truly felt abandoned, but it had happened. Mom had always been there. “As you’ve done for me. I get it. It’s my turn to do the giving and not the taking.”
“So what has changed? Today you seem more reluctant than ever. Stop thinking about what you’re giving up and start thinking of what you’ll gain.”
“I’m trying, Mother. I’m trying. But last night…”
She didn’t have to look to know her mother shot a sharp glare her direction. “What about last night? I knew that girls’ night out with your friends was a bad idea. Did Jade tell you horror stories of childbirth?”
“What?” Meilin’s eyes popped open. “Of course not! She’s the first one to talk about marital bliss and how adorable her children are.”
“Then what happened?”
“I… I don’t know. I got home and I started looking at my apartment. Started thinking about my neighbors. How no one will be around to have tea with Edna and have her page through the latest design catalogues. She has very good taste.”
“For a poor white woman,” her mother grumbled. “What does she know of Asian art and furniture?”
“Quite a lot, actually. She’s given me some great ideas. I won’t have time for her once I’m married. Maybe once in a blue moon I’ll be able to visit her. Take her to Union Square at Christmas. But it won’t be the same. You know it won’t.”
“That old woman means more to you than your own grandmother.”
“Not true, but my own grandmother doesn’t recognize me anymore.”
“She does. She just can’t say it, but deep down, she does.”
This time the sigh was heavy and audible. “So you say. I adore my grandmother. I miss her terribly. But she’s being well cared for. Edna is all alone. Her son lives across the Bay and only makes it over to see her about every six months. She says they talk at least once a week, but he has grandchildren of his own now.”
“Again, not your problem. I’d think you’d be happy to leave that old apartment behind. That building needs a top to bottom renovation.”
“I love that building. It has character. It has warmth and charm. All of which is lacking in Shan’s high rise condo.”
“I’m sure he’ll be looking for a house very soon. Children should not be raised in such a place. They need room to run.”
A home that will be every much as formal and pristine as his condo, she felt sure. Huge and cold.
“But even if Shan doesn’t look into buying a house in the near future, Meilin, you could make it a family home without sacrificing style. But this can’t be the whole issue. A house is just a place to live. What’s important is the relationship.”
“I don’t love him, Mother.”
At this, she scoffed and waved her hand again. “Love will follow.”
“I’m not attracted to him, not the way a woman should be attracted to the man she marries.”
“Why are you bringing this up now? It didn’t seem to matter last week. Besides, that will change. Love grows and passion follows. Even then, passion may very well cool, but love will remain. Have your children and when passion in the bedroom changes, put your passion into your children.”
“And my work.”