Killer Poker Online/2: Advanced Strategies For Crushing The Internet Game. John Vorhaus
Yeah, you read that correctly. I beat the 2005 EPT champion in a heads up match online…and if I haven’t made it clear by now, it wouldn’t have happened without John Vorhaus.
Shortly after the Congratulations! You finished the tournament in 1st place! Thank you for playing message popped up on my screen, I did three things:
1 I screamed out, “Holy shit! Anne! I won! Ohmygod Iactuallywonohmygodohmygodohmygod! Holy fucking shit ass shit shit shit!”
2 I called my mom and told her the same thing, but with 25 percent less inappropriate language.
3 I printed out the tournament results, just to make sure it was real.
Then, I called John. “I won!” I said.
“That’s fantastic,” he said. His voice was remarkably calm, which, I have come to learn, is a big part of who John is. “I’m not surprised at all. Way to go, Cowboy Wil.”
I should probably break away from my narrative for a moment to fill in some blanks for you, dear reader: John calls me “Cowboy Wil” for the same reason all my other poker friends call me “Hamlet”: that for reasons man was not meant to know, my pocket kings always get killed. That tournament at Bellagio, where John and I met? I had kings twice in three hands. Both times I got all my money in as a big favorite before the flop, and both times I took horrible beats to lose. But that’s poker.
And why do I keep saying “that’s poker”? Because a huge part of this book is philosophy. And while it’s useful to know what hands you should and shouldn’t play under certain conditions, poker is a game of imperfect choices and incomplete information. Students of John’s books learn that no two hands are the same, and having a good foundation in the philosophy of the game will put more money in your pocket than all the hand charts in the world. When you finish this book, you will know much more than what the correct play is in a certain situation. You will know why you do or don’t make it.
And remember when I described “the internet player” who made a terrible call to cripple me at Bellagio? I made that distinction because you’re going to see a lot of plays online that you simply won’t see in a brick-and-mortar casino: people will make insane plays, clever plays, hyper-aggressive plays, and countless fundamental mistakes that always seem to crack your pocket kings. When you finish this book, you won’t make those plays, and you’ll know how to crush the fools who do.
Remember the tells I wondered about Maxx picking up from me? I mentioned that because physical tells are meaningless online. In fact, one online poker site has made that the cornerstone of their advertising campaign…but there are certain tells you can pick up on (mostly in betting patterns), and when you finish this book, you’ll know how to avoid giving them yourself, how to use notes to pick out and record them, and how to use that information to punish your opponents.
Okay, one final thought before I go:
Why play online? Isn’t it more “real” to play in a casino?
Well, I live within twenty minutes of Commerce and The Bike in LA, and Las Vegas is a $50, fifty-minute flight (or four-hour drive) away. I have not willingly played in a “real” casino since the World Series of Poker in July 2005. And why should I? Online games are faster, more convenient, and positively swimming with inexperienced players who think poker is just like the final tables on ESPN and WPT and play accordingly. I never have to wait more than a minute or two for a sit and go tournament to start, and if I’m feeling particularly randy, I can play up to four games at once (a fool’s errand that I don’t recommend, but it’s certainly easier to multi-table online than it is in a “real” casino). But the best thing about online? If I get a huge win, or take a terrible loss, and I’m ready to walk away, getting back to my family is as simple as logging off and walking into the living room.
You’re going to love this book, and I think you’re going to have the same esteem for John as I do when you’re finished. And if you’d like to put your newly discovered skills to the test, come over to PokerStars.com and play with me…it’s been a while since I got to play an official John Vorhaus me-bot.
Always play smart, and may the river be kind.
Namaste.
WIL WHEATON is author of Just a Geek, Dancing Barefoot, and Do You Want Kids with That? and future World Series of Poker champion.
Acknowledgments
“Writing a book,” said Winston Churchill,
is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement; then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster, and fling him out to the public.
Writing this book was an adventure of a homebound, sedentary sort, involving long forays into internet poker, quick darts back to my word processor, investigation of online resources, then back to the game, back to the text, back to the game, back to the text, until I could no longer tell whether I was taking breaks from writing to play poker or breaks from poker to write.
My job was, as always, made easier by the unstinting support of my wife, Maxx Duffy, who, with the patience of several saints, would often stick her head in my office, find me playing yet another sitngo and, smiling, say, “Hard at work, I see.” My job is also made easier by the support of my parents, who take bemused pride in their prodigal boy. My dad has Alzheimer’s disease now and no longer quite knows what I’m up to, but that never stops him from saying, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
I owe a huge debt to everyone associated with UltimateBet.com, too numerous to mention, but not too numerous to thank. As UB’s news ambassador and blogger-without-portfolio, I have had the opportunity to extend and expand my “weird cult following,” and even parlay it into a TV poker gig on Fox Sports Net. Props to all UBers, players and staff alike. You guys rule cyberspace, IMHO.
Tony Guerrera rules numbers in a way I never could, and here’s a big shout out to him for his worthy contribution here. Thanks to Cowboy Wil Wheaton for chipping in with the foreword, and thanks also to Greg Dinkin and Frank Scatoni of Venture Literary Agency, whose instincts are unerring and efforts unrelenting. In the words of my dad, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
Last, a humble and heartfelt thanks to you, the reader of these words. You make my life rise.
Introduction:
THE BLESSING AND THE CURSE
I had a long layover in London’s Heathrow Airport last night. With hours to kill and a laptop computer as my weapon of choice, I went looking for some wireless internet access so I could log on to my UltimateBet account and beguile the time with a little online poker. This being the budding 21st century and not the dark dial-up days of 1999, I had no difficulty finding a hotspot in a pub just off the main departure lounge, nearby Clarke’s Shoes, Boots the Chemist, and Glorious Britain, purveyors of fine English trinkets including plastic bobby helmets at 2 pounds 30 pence each.
Booting up and logging on were a snap, and though the connection was pricey, north of three bobby helmets an hour, I figured to cover the cost with my usual stellar style of online play: selective, aggressive, and viper-quick to exploit the flaws of others. It seemed like a foolproof plan, and would have been but for the inopportune involvement of a certain fool: me. See, I had just flown overnight from Los Angeles, an eleven-hour grind during which I had watched three bad movies, eaten two horrific meals, finished one New York Times crossword puzzle, and slept not at all. Worse, I was now in an English pub, where indulging my taste for British beer seemed like the logical thing to do. “Think globally, drink locally,” right?
Well, it’s a toxic combination, sleep debt and strong ale, and it rendered my normally solid online poker in exactly the sense that one renders fat: removing the meat and muscle and leaving just soft, squishy goo. By the time they called my flight to Rome, I had managed to piss away two weeks’ worth of hard-earned online profit. I hope that mokey23, the main beneficiary